It's Friday!

I was hoping that picture would be bigger, but ah well. That is a picture of the tulips in Holland, MI. Every year they have the tulip festival. I can't remember how many they grow, but its an outrageous number. They are very pretty. Holland is a Dutch community on the West Coast of MI, right along lake Michigan. They celebrate the tulips for a week, w/ all sorts of nonsense. It's a pretty big tourist attraction, but mainly for retired folks :)

Anyway, it's Friday! Woohoo. Ave's recital is tonight! I can't wait.

My asshole dog will NOT stop barking. Suggestions?

Other than the recital tonight, I don't have much going on, which is great. I've been busy this week! I've had extra kids at my house everyday this week. I'm ready for a break, from all kids in general. Hopefully I can do some of that this weekend! Maybe disappear for an entire afternoon w/ all the time in the world. That sounds GREAT. Time to go kill my bastard dog. Enjoy your weekend!

Hello!

I hope everyone enjoyed Mother's Day! Mine was not so fabulous :( The whole weekend was awful. Hubs and I didn't get along, and basically everything that could possibly go wrong, did. Crabby kids, crabby baby, whole in the tire, fight w/ hubs, late for everything, clean up all dinner mess from MD by myself, and fight w/ hubs some more. ICK. So I'm glad that's over. I'm looking forward to a better weekend next weekend!

Avery had her recital rehearsal last weekend on the big stage, and she so did it! I was very proud of her! I think she'll do well for the real thing this week! If I can only get her hair to do what it's suppose to for the damn thing. It's suppose to be half up, and curly. I've tried the curling iron, and hot rollers, and I can't get her hair to hold the curl. Falls right out. I tried using a bunch of product w/ it, and still won't hold. Any ideas?

I weighed in again today, and I've lost another 2 1/2 pounds since last Thursday. Moving right along, and I'm getting there! I can't wait. I hope that when I get to my goal, I'll be happy with it. I still see a big girl in the mirror, and I want to change that. Physically its changed a great deal, but I still can't see it. I want to be able to see myself as I really am, good or not so good, and be ok with that. I'm working on it!

I went out w/ some friends last night and had a blast! It was just what I needed to blow of steam from my not fun weekend. I can't remember the last time I laughed that hard. AND, some guy said I was sexy :) How 'bout that? That's a first in FOREVER, except for my hubs. That goes along way in making me feel pretty :)

I can't wait for American Idol tonight! I was so bummed they sent hottie Chris home, but now I can't figure out who it will be. Katherine has not done well the last 2 weeks, and she was one of my favorites. I really like Taylor, but he doesn't seem like the 'idol' type. Elliott?? I don't know about him either. I love his voice, and he's really been belting it out lately... I suppose that of the 3, Katherine seems the most 'idol-ish' to me, but she needs to do something fantastic tonight to make that happen. Who do you think the final 2 will be?

I'm off to clean my house and do some laundry. Tomorrow will be my crazy day w/ my gf's kids all day..... I want to get all of my stuff done so I can focus on kids tomorrow, and try not to lose my mind. I'm looking forward to watching my show, taking a HOT bath, getting my most comfortable jammies on, and getting into bed early w/ a book. MMMMMMMMMMMMM. Later to all :)

Happy Mother's Day!

Well on Sunday at least! I went to see my surgeon today. My results from the scan were normal. He said that I probably had a stone and was in process of passing it at that most uncomfortable time. I very well may have problems in the future w/ my gallbladder, but for now, no surgery for me!!! YAY! I asked him to check out the bone sticking out of my hand too. He said that all of the tendons are covered in lubricated sheaths, and my tendon poked a hole in it, which is causing fluid to leak out of my sheath and make a cyst. He said it might go away on its own, but if it starts to bother me or get bigger, I can have it removed, but no thanks. Only bugs me if I push on it, so in the wise words of Chicken "Don't push on it then, jackass!" See, that's why she my best friend. She has the most comforting medical advise :)

My dear puppy Jack is being an asshole. I don't know what to do with him at the moment. He hates to be outside by his lonesome, and when the kids are outside w/ him, he trys to play with them, and ends up hurting them. He bit my girlfriends daughter the other day, hard enough to brake the skin. He wasn't being aggressive, or mean, only trying to play, but still. Now I don't feel ok w/ letting him around the kids unless I can be on top of him. Then today, he was running through the house and trampled over the baby. I almost KILLED him. She was crying, and very upset. I don't want any of my kids to become afraid of dogs, but they aren't old enough to understand that Jack isn't trying to hurt them, and if they run away failing their arms and yelling, he just think that they want to play more. Grrrr. I don't know what to do. I hope this puppy crap passes quickly!

Speaking of my baby, GEEZ she's crabby today. Hollering about everything! All morning! I practicaly have to duct tape her to the floor to change her diaper. She gotten much more expressive about stuff she does not like. Wouldn't it be nice if kids stayed smiley and compliant all the days of their lives?! I suppose if that happened that they'd end up worthless adults w/ no spine. I guess its better to be a leader, but shooooot, not w/ mommy. M'kay kids?

I don't have any new news on my friend w/ Uterine Cancer yet, and I have yet to hear how my M-I-L's biopsy went today. I'm nervous and anxious to hear something! I hate waiting. That's the worst part.

Any fabulous plans for mother's day? I'm having my mom over for dinner. She drops comments all year long about how so and so have their mother over for MD, and how she ALWAYS had grandma over for MD, and wouldn't it be nice if one of her children had her over????? Bah. Fine. Come on over. Geez. It seems like, at least in my selfish little world, that she doesn't need much of a rest on mother's day. Yes, she should be honored, but hellooo? I have 3 small kids constantly running around messing up my house, and on the ONE day of the year where it's finally MY turn, I have to have someone over?! Damn. I don't want to. But I love my mom, and I will. It just seems crappy that I have to be running around cleaning my house, and waiting on someone all day, when its my holiday to. I know, that's totally selfish, and I'm being a brat about it, not to my mother though! My blog, my complaints, even if they are shallow. I told my mom not to bring anything at all, that I wanted her to relax and enjoy the day, which is true, I just wish I could enjoy it as well. I might get a nap in, or maybe breakfast in bed. mmmmmmmmmmm. Flowers? We'll see what the hubs and the kids have in store for me. They always come up w/ something nice.

I weighed in yesterday too. I've lost another pound and a 1/2. Getting there! Its going much more slowly now, and that's fine w/ me. I was actually brave enough to try on a swimsuit today. It was a great suit, but I'm still just not comfortable enough to buy one. Maybe I'll feel differently in 14 and 1/2 pounds. This program is working so well for me, I'm glad I started it! So close! I'm hoping to have the rest off BEFORE Chicken's wedding, which is in 6 weeks. I don't know if I can do it, but I'm going to stay really focused, and exercise more. I would really like to be at my goal by that day. It'll be nice to be all dressed up in formal clothes and NOT look like a moose :) I'm going to try my hardest to get there!

Enjoy your weekend, especially all my mommy friends!

I was going to chat about some nonsense, but now I'm bummed. I just got an email from my dear friend. She's been having some problems w/ her period and what not. She had an ultrasound done, and they found 3 tumors, one of which is really big. They think that its cancer. :( She has surgery in a few weeks to remove the tumors and to see if it has spread anywhere else. Dammit. What is going on w/ this whole cancer business?! Seems like cancer is going to cash us all out. There have been many people in my circle or in friend's circles, that have passed away from cancer recently. Has it always been like that? Or is it that I'm getting older, and shit happens when you get older? Maybe it has always been that way, but b/c I was younger, it didn't affect those I knew, or I at least didn't hear about it. She's young, 2 kids, and going through a divorce right now. She doesn't need this. She has to be the sweetest person I know, she's just great, all the time. I've never seen her pissed, never heard her complain. This just sucks. I hope its not cancer. Can you just have tumors, and not cancer filled tumors? My M-I-L had a double masectomy last April, and has been cancer free since- but they just found a lump in her armpit, and have to biopsy it. The Dr. thinks that it is just a puffy nerve ending, but b/c of her history, they have to go in and check it out. What is all this cancer nonsense? Makes me sad.
Other than being sad, the last few days have been great. Kids have been well behaved, and J started saying a few more words. She's brilliant! She sings "A B C D" all on her own! Genius. I am so LOVING this stage. I like them all, but I am really liking this age. I think she took a step today too. Flying by.
We bought a quad today. The kids are really excited about it. I'm a dirt bike girl myself, but the quad is pretty cool. I'm looking forward to tearing up some trails very soon.
My scan on Friday was way less traumatic than I thought it would be. I laid on a table under a machine for an hour and a half. The machine was nearly sitting on my chest, and I had to hold still, but it wasn't bad. I'm glad my girlfriend came w/ me to keep me company, or I would have passed out from lack of anything interesting to stimulate me. Because of the position of the thing, I couldn't read, or lift up my head, my arms had to stay at my side, and who can sleep w/ all that going on? So M kept me company, it was nice to chat uninterrupted by either or our kids.
So, this was boring. Maybe I can come up w/ an interesting story tomorrow. Should be able to. I am watching my friends kids ALL DAY tomorrow. Her kids are 6 weeks, and 3. So I will have 5 kids 6 and under from 7am to 4pm. I'm sure something entertaining will happen w/ that troop running around. I'll end up laughing all day, or bald by the end of it from ripping out my hair. I'll let you know how it goes. Good night to all.

TANGENT

Please be forewarned, I'm irritated, and feel an overwhelming need to bitch. This post could very well be offensive to some, so if you are sensitive to religious or sexual orientation, you may want to skip this one.

I was reading our local paper this evening. There is an article on the front page about some local soldiers who've died, and these asshole protestors that will be at their funeral. WHY would protestors be going to a funeral, you may wonder? Because these particular brave men, who died fighting for us, were gay. These jerks are going to go to preach brimstone and hell fire to those that loved them, and will miss them. They are going to go in God's name to let the world know that these men are now burning in hell. Excuse me Mr. AssFace, but who in hell do you think you are? WHOM do you think you will be helping by doing such a nasty thing?! I am a Christian, and people like YOU give the rest of us a bad name. This burns my ass. Makes me angry. Yes, I am aware of what the bible states about sins, but are YOU aware of what it speaks of on LOVE? How about JUDGMENT? How about "who will throw the first stone?!" My thought process on sharing Jesus' teaching, is by showing LOVE, and being a servant. Not whatever it is that you think you are doing by being assholes. This just gets me hot. All worked up. I hate seeing nastiness in progress, and feeling like I can do nothing about it. Which I can't. I have friends and loved ones that are gay, and so what? I also have friends that lie, have been in prison for different reasons, cheated, stolen, pre-marital sex, myself included in those lists. WHERE are MY protestors? Hmmm? What? I don't get a camp of jackass' standing on my front porch yelling out to my neighbors that I've lied, cheated, stolen, used drugs, been a drunk, lashed out in anger, or that I was pregnant when I got married?! Well why in the hell not? Perhaps because they too have done those things. I don't get it guys. I'm not perfect, nor is anyone else here. Isn't that why we believe the way we do? Isn't that why Jesus died, so that all the things we've done in this life that are not on his preferred members list, could still get in? I don't understand why they feel the need to do this, and why it has to be at their funerals. Funerals are tough enough as it is. Could you imagine if someone you loved passed away, and there was some guy in the front yard yelling about his credit report? Disgusting. I hope these folks catch a clue. That will conclude my tangent for tonight, I apologize for offending anyone.

It's Thursday. Not a very exciting day. I have a case of the blahs today. My front yard is covered with tupperware that's filled w/ mud. Kiddies made mud pies w/ 1/2 of the tupperware I own, and daddy didn't mind. So there it sits, waiting for someone (ME) to clean it up. And guess what. I don't want to. Not even the slightest little bit. It's irritating to look at, but I figure b/c daddy said it was ok, he should clean up after them. Right? In my perfect world, that's what would happen, but in reality, it'll be me. I was driving my son to get a haircut this morning, and something stunk. I made some comment about it, and he goes "oh, that's Avery's fruit" WHAT? What fruit?! "The fruit cup she turned upside down into the cup holder last week". Oh hell. Gross. Gag. I have to clean that up also. My insulated coffee cup fell from the roof of my car (I was still parked, just helping a kid get in) landed on my shoulder, splashed all over the inside of my car, then fell to the ground and broke. So there's that too. It just isn't my day. I want to go get in bed, pull the blankets over my head and cry. That's what kind of day it is. And when I get irritated by small things, dirty things in particular, I start studying every aspect of my house, and get more and more pissed as I spot new nastiness that is all left for me, MOM to clean up. I wish I had the stamina to just not care, and not do it. But I can't stand it, it makes me twitch. I have to work tonight, and when I get home, heaven knows what sort of hella mess I'll walk into to. Can't things just stay clean? Max's friend from school, and his mom are coming over for coffee tomorrow. I can't have a messy house! I spent 8 hours cleaning last Saturday, all damn day, plus the yard, and for what? It just gets messy again. I can't keep up with it, and I'm sick to death of trying. But, here I go again. Trying not to cry about it, and just fix it. BLAH BOO HISS.
But, I weighed in today, so some good news. Another pound for a total of 24 (27 if you count what i did on my own before L.A) and a total of 14 inches lost. That's great. I'm 16 pounds away now... Almost there... And just to think that 8 weeks ago, I was 40 pounds from it, which seemed completely impossible. Only 16 more. I'm going to make it! I can't believe that I'm actually going to make it to my goal. I still can only tell by my clothes. I still see the same sized me in the mirror. I think I need to take some pictures and compare them. I could always tell how big I was by a picture, b/c in pictures, I look H U G E. I've moved down in size from a 14 to an 8. The eight is a bit tight, but 10's are too big. When I reach my goal, I hope to be a comfortable 8, or even maybe a 6. Even though my weight is down, I still have a funny shape.I haven't been at this weight since at least 11th grade, but my shape is SO much different. From all those babies :) I'm not bitching about that, I just think it's interesting.
The next few days are going to be really busy! Tomorrow is that stupid scan thing (yuck), after the scan, hair appt! YES! I've had ghetto hair for far too long now, and am really looking forward to having pretty hair! Going out for a girls night after that! Saturday morning I'm going to go wedding dress shopping w/ Chicken! I hope we find something that she likes, that we can have ready for her wedding which is only like 7 1/2 weeks away! From there its off to the mother/daughter banquet w/ Chicken, my mom, grandma, aunt, cousin, and my girls. This is something that my grandma's church has done all of my life, and I so don't want to go! But it would brake grandma's heart for me to miss it, so f I n e. I can only stay there for just over an hour before I have to pack up the girls, drop the baby off at home, and bring ave to her recital rehearsal in the place where it will be held. This will be her first time getting on to the big stage, and I'm curious how she'll do. I would love to see her do her recital, but I just don't think she will. Saturday's practice should give me a good idea. Seems like there is more going on, but I can't think of it at the moment. It will be hectic anyway. I must be off now. The nasty yard/car/house is waiting for me. A good weekend to all!

Health and Weight Update

Not much time kids :) My son has his first ever program at school tonight!! I can't wait!
I went to see the surgeon today. His office totally creeped me out, but he himself seemed nice. He said that it sounds like my gallbladder, but the ultrasound the hospital did wasn't as clear as he would like it to be. He said that he could go ahead and take my gallbladder now, but w/o knowing for sure, I could show up in a few months totally pissed b/c I was having the same problem. To find out for sure, he wants me to have a HIDA scan done. I'm not exactly sure if that's similar to an ultrasound, or if they put me in a tube. I have to go in on Friday, and they'll inject some stuff thru an IV that will light up my gallbladder and liver, and all of the ducts in there. They should be able to see what's happening in there. If I have a stone, which is what it looked like from the fuzzy pictures, then I have no choice but to remove it. If its not a stone, it could be that I just had an attack. From there we could decide to do more testing to figure out exactly what it was, or wait to see if it happens again, blah blah blah. I'm freaked out by this whole scan process! Eek! I'm not a fan of needles, at all. I cry when I have to get blood drawn. Not b/c it hurts, just b/c I have a phobia that I've had all my life. And IV's are the devil for me! I HATE THEM. And I generally get some asshole nurse who totally mutilates me within minutes. I'm going to go and have the stinking thing done, but I'm not happy about it. I don't want to. At all. Ever. And now, what if it isn't a stone? What if its something else? And do I really want to know what that is? That's the illogical side of my brain that lives on paranoia, but geez. Can you feel me? Yikes. Thanks everyone for your comments, and sharing your experience w/ me. That really helps, and made me feel better. Have any of you had this HIDA scan thing before? If so, please tell me if its a tube thing, and if it hurts. I would rather know. Doctor said that it might hurt, it could cause my gallbladder to spasm. But then he followed it w/ or it might not. Do you think doc's have to take a course of being fabulously vague? I bet they do. Crafty guys.
And I weighed in today. I lost another 3 pounds. Grand total for those in my cheering section- 23! I asked the doc if he thought that is what brought it on, he said sure, that happens often, and good job on the weight loss. Hmmm. So ok. Maybe that's what did it, but I guess it isn't a bad thing, b/c he didn't say anything else about it. We shall see what Friday brings. Of course I won't get results until the following Friday, but at least the hard part will be over! Have a good night!

My midnight hospital adventure.

Wed. night I woke up just before 2am w/ terrible pain! I couldn't figure out what it was. I walked around for awhile, got a glass of water.. Nothing helped, and it continued to get worse. I called the doctor, b/c I started to worry that I was having a heart attack. I could feel it from just under my boobs, down to the bottom of my ribs, and all the way across into my back. My doctor told me I should go to the ER. I woke hubs up and told him something was wrong. He wanted to call his parents to come over and sit w/ the kids, so he could take me. There is a med center right down the street from us, so I told him that I didn't want to wake anyone up, not knowing what it was, and I'll only be down the street, so if it is something serious, I'll call you and you can come down. I hate the idea of waking people up in the middle of the night. I got to the med center, and of course it was closed! Bah! I didn't know they had changed the hours. But, since I was already in the car, I didn't want to drive back home, get hubs up, and wait for his parents, so I had the very bright idea to drive myself. Halfway to the hospital, I realized that was a stupid idea! The pain was so intense I thought I was going to pass out. I just drove faster, praying I'd make it w/o passing out. When I got there, I could hardly walk, hardly talk, all I could do was cry. I have NEVER felt like that before, ever. It hurt more than labor. They didn't want to give me anything for pain until I talked to the 28 different people about where it was, and what my symptoms were, and what I was doing earlier that evening. Why don't they just take notes and pass them on? Seems retarded to leave me dying on the table while they all ask the same stupid questions! The pain was really weird. It'd kind of settle down into a dull ache, and then waves of intense pain would overwhelm me, until I threw up. There is nothing more humiliating than puking into a bucket, crying, and having 3-5 strangers standing around staring at you. After some blood work, and an ultrasound, they found that my gallbladder was to blame. I have an infection, and a stone. After they figured out what was causing it, they gave me some medicine to stop the vomiting, and a pain killer that was 8 times more powerful than morphine. Yikes! But it did the trick. It didn't make me feel floaty or loopy, but just sleepy. I can deal w/ sleepy, just not anything else. I have to see a surgeon on Tuesday to talk about removing it. Since then, I've been fine, no pain or weird stomach issues. Thank God! I don't ever want to experience that again. EVER. I was doing some research online today, and do you know what one of the causes of gallbladder disease is?? Rapid weight loss. Holy shit. That's the only thing that I've done differently the last few months, and I've never had any problems up to this point. I suppose I could fit the others as well, but that's the one that jumped out at me. The others are all F's. Fat, Female, Fertile, and Fourty. I fit the first 3, but not the last. And as for Fat, I'm currently 18 pds overweight, so I don't know if that makes a difference now, or if this is something that happens over time. Not sure on that, but you can bet your ass that I'm going to have a few things to say to my weight loss place. I thought that I've been healthy about this, and smart. They are nutritionists! They should warn you about losing too quickly. Here I am patting myself on the back, but what if I just screwed something up forever? Its very possible that I'll be having one of my organs removed. Irritating! I'll keep y'all updated on what I find out. Have a good weekend!

Just Because...

Just Because I felt like post pictures of my sweet baby J when she was a new born. I was reading
Grody Jo-dee's blog earlier, and she had made a card for her evil MIL w/ her babies feet on it. Her MIL made some rude comments about the babies feet. I love baby feet! Went through some of my pics, and found some to post. Here's to cute baby feet everywhere :) And the other one is just a picture I love. She looks so peaceful in it. I can't believe she's one :(
I'm taking a diet brake today and tomorrow. Don't worry, I'm not going to gorge or over do it. I just want to be able to eat normal for a minute. I'll go back to my plan as of Thursday. Honest. I was going to start the take off 2 day thing tomorrow, but we have friend's coming for dinner. It would suck big ass for me. So I'm putting it off for a day. I feel guilty. Anyway, good night to all!

HEY. Is it possible for a bone in your hand to come out of place w/o much pain? I have a sore spot on the inside of my hand, just under my middle finger. From the surface, it looks fine. But when I rubbed it, I felt something poking out in there! Like an itty bitty bone or something. My hand is fully functional. It just bothers me when I flex my hand out straight. What is that? Or could it be?

That was a weird funeral. The service was really nice, and very touching. The luncheon afterwards is where the weird comes in. They were serving beer, and they had a DJ. People were dancing. I must say, that is the first time I have been to a funeral like that! I was talking to hubs about it, and he said "yeah, it comes off kind of strange, but isn't that how you want to be remembered? When I go, I want my family and friends to celebrate my life, to miss me, sure, but not by being sad." I guess so. It would be nice to be remembered that. Perhaps the family will start a new trend. Have funerals be more like wedding receptions. It was great to see all of my Aunt's and Uncle's, cousin's too. I never see that side of the family, ever. Most of them have never even met my kids. I thing I need to do something to remedy that. Love em or hate em', which I have both, family is family, right? You don't get to pick. I shouldn't say hate them, b/c I don't hate any of them. There are a few that creep me out. Like my Aunt T. She's only a year older than I am, and she's a meth head. Creeps me out every time I see her. Now her teeth are all jacked up. Like Smeegal from Lord of the Rings. They are little jagged things, and black all the way around. ick. I don't get it. It's now physically obvious, you think she get a clue and stop w/ the drugs. I don't for the life of me, understand drug addiction. Her sister is the same. They were no longer allowed to be at my grandpa and step gma's house (she's who died) b/c they were stealing her pain medication. What in the hell is wrong w/ those women?! Their own mother was dying, and suffering, and had terrible pain, but they are so fucked up, the stole from her. Unbelievable! So far gone they have respect for nothing, for no one, only the great buzz. Heaven help them. But, other than the 2 of them, most everyone else is normal. We just kind of fell apart after my grandma died, 7 years ago. There have been no more family get togethers, holidays, anything. That's the other thing, my grandma died 7 years ago, and my grandpa remarried a few years later, my step-gma was my gma's best friend. And now she died. My grandpa has been widowed twice now, in less than a decade. That's hard to take. B (step gma) has been around my entire life. I spent a lot of time with her, and my Aunt T(the meth head), when I was young. T and I were close as kids. B has always been apart of the family. B had T w/ my gma's first husband. I don't know how they managed to pull together a friendship after that, but they did. Needless to say, when grandpa married B, it stirred up a lot of family drama. My Uncle's were pissed! That probably had something to do w/ the family falling apart. anyway, my family history is much too complicated, and gives me a headache. Time to move on.
I weighed in today, and no change. I'm going on a 2 day take off plan that should hopefully get things moving again. I should lose 3-5 pounds in the next few days. Woohooo! Brings me that much closer to my goal. The 2 day plan is not pleasant. I'll basically be starving. I can only eat a very few items, and I have to drink this special juice. But they say that when our weightloss levels out, you need to reboot your metabolism. We'll see how it goes. I weigh in again on Thursday, I'll be sure to let you know.
My beautiful baby is beginning to talk more! She now says 'mommy, dada, baba, baby, uh-oh, bye bye, no, and hi'. I love it. She can even tell Jack(the dog) off now. He was licking her feet, and kind of nipping at them, so I said "NO JACK!" He came back a few minutes later to do it again, and baby j looked down and said "nnnnnnoooooooo!" ha! It was really cute. I love watching them figure new things out! I haven't taken her bottle away yet. I tried, but decided not to. I know, I'm a wuss. I can't help myself. She's my baby. I'll get to it, I just want to wait till she's more comfortable w/ a cup. Almost there.
I had a physical the other day. I'm happy to report that I'm as healthy as an ox. Hopefully soon I won't be the same size as one :) This post is really LONG. And full of rambling. Sorry about that. Have a good day all.

Another Funeral

I went to a funeral on Thursday. She was my dad's girlfriend. I hadn't met her yet, only spoke to her on the phone. But I went, for my dad. It was a nice funeral, as far as those go. My dad was so sad. He'd only been seeing this lady 4-6 months, but had known her all his life. My step-mom died 2 years ago. This is the first lady he's dated since Jan passed. And now she dies. He's all freaked out now, thinking he's cursed or something. Poor guy. THEN, dad called yesterday to tell me that my step-grandma died. We knew that was coming, but I didn't think it would be so soon. She had cancer, everywhere. It started in her ovaries, and when it was found, it was already stage 4. If you know anything about that type of cancer, you know the odds are not good. But it went into remission, and came back in her breasts, then to her liver, lungs, bones, and brain. It was bad. I would not want to leave this world that way. Too much suffering, and that's exactly what she did. She suffered, terribly. It's a blessing that she passed. But now I have another funeral to go to tomorrow. 2 funerals in the same week is a new record for me. Have you ever heard that saying that they go in 3's? Yikes. Now I'll be worried and paranoid for the next few weeks.
Enough of that. I still haven't caught up on all my house work. I'm feeling better about it though. I'm not so stressed about it. I'll get to it, when I have time. This week will be busy too. I have to work 2 nights this week, I have a physical tomorrow morning (joy), weigh in 3 times, dermatologist once for my last treatment(yay!) and once to see the doctor, he's going to check out Ave's skin too. I don't know what he's going to tell me. My skin has cleared up like 85-90%, which is amazing, so I don't know if I'll have to continue coming, or if this is as good as it gets. I'm pleased with the outcome! I have been wearing short sleeve shirts for the last 3 weeks. I hadn't dared for an entire 6 weeks before that.
I weighed in last Thursday, drum roll please...... I'm 1/2 way there! I am down 20 pds. HOLY CRAP! I can't believe it! I'll weigh in again tomorrow or Tuesday, and hopefully, I'll have lost 2 more pounds. I'm having a harder time w/ the diet now. I'm sick of restrictions. I know that its working, but I'm tired of it. I want to eat dammit! No worries though, I'm sticking to it. It's very interesting, this weight loss process. I have noticed changes, and have even had a few days where I looked in the mirror, and thought "hey, not too bad". But for the most part, when I look in the mirror, I still see myself the same. I can tell when I get dressed, b/c nothing fits anymore, it all falls off. Or really tight clothes before, are really baggy now. The snug shirts I own are now comfy baggy shirts. But other than that, me personally, I can't tell by looking at my body. Isn't that weird? Do you think once you have body issues, that you always will? Like I'll always see myself as fat. Even when I'm not anymore. Its rare to hear someone talk about how pleased they are w/ their bodies. Especially women. There is always something that could be smaller, or a little more up top. What is that all about? I wonder if I could ever be completely satisfied w/ how I look, or anyone for that matter.
Anyway, time for me to shove off. I need to go pick up my dad, and head to the funeral home. I hate that part. It skeeves me out to look at dead people. Worse when they've been sick, and no longer look like you remember them. When hubs grandpa died, he looked the same, just like he was sleeping. I touched his forehead for some odd reason. DON'T ever do that. It's terrible and disgusting. I was sure I was going to have nightmares for months. I didn't like it before that experience, but since then, my palms get sweaty just thinking about having to go to one of those places. When I die, I think I'm going to request a closed casket. I don't want to freak any of my loved ones out.

I need a pep talk.

I am in need of a pep talk. I just can't seem to accomplish anything. UGH! My house is a big fat messy pit, my calendar is all out of order, and my son's homework is a week late. I need to pull it together! If my girlfriend hadn't called today, I would have completely missed dance pictures this week. Stupid recital anyway. Oh, and there isn't any clean laundry in the house either! WHAT is wrong with me?? I need help.
Hubs was home sick yesterday w/ a stomach bug, Avery had it the night before. Pretty minor, but still. I was coming down w/ it last night, but thankfully, I kicked it before it put me out. I haven't made dinner at all this week yet. Geez. Falling apart over here.
Are any of you digital nerds? I need help in that area too. I have dnld all my pictures from my camera to my computer. I tried to upload them to a picture place online, and they wouldn't except most of them. The message said that they would be too grainy or unclear if developed. I made sure they were all in jpeg format- I don't know how to fix it. My megapixels are set right, so there is no reason that I can come up with why they aren't going through. My baby's entire first year is on my computer. I WANT THOSE pictures. What do I do? How do I find out what's wrong and fix it?
We had to make Jack (my dog) throw up last night. He got into one of the kids Easter baskets. Poor puppy. Chocolate can kill them! It's very bad for them. I called the after hours vet, and they told us to give him 1 TBSP peroxide every 1/2 hr till he threw up. Peroxide? Eww. I couldn't believe that. Gross. By the 2nd TBSP, poor guy yaked. I'm throwing all of the candy OUT! I'm sick of it lying around here, my kids begging for it, and my dog dying for it. Out w/ the candy. All of it!
I have to pick kids up from school in an hour and a half. I've accomplished nothing. I haven't even showered yet. Where's that pep talk? Anyone??

P I C T U R E S

Here are a few for you :) I have lots to blog about, but no time for now. Hope to soon!

The curse of the camera.

I took pictures this weekend, w/ my grandma's camera. Worked wonderfully. Went to upload them today, and the damn batteries died!!!!!!!!!! I put new ones in, and they drained right away. Piss. That's what's been happening with my own camera, and why I didn't use it. Now this one. Blasted cameras. So sorry, no pictures for you, yet.
The birthday party was great! And I didn't shed a tear, can you believe it? I couldn't. She had a great time, and looked beautiful w/ cake up her nose :) I had a better turn out than I was expecting! It was wonderful.
Saturday we took the kids to an Easter Egg hunt, and they had a blast. Hung out w/ the inlaws Saturday night. Hubs and the kids camped out in the backyard that night too. The kids loved it!
We had a nice Easter too. We spent time w/ my side of the family all afternoon, went home and took a nap. Ahh. I love naps. Hubs and I watched Walk the Line last night, and we really liked it.
I finally finished cleaning out my storage room. What a pain in the ass. Now I have the undesirable task of moving all kid toys from the rest of our house, into that room. They have so much stuff! I need to get rid of a ton. I hope to accomplish that by the end of the day today. I have to go out /w my mom and grandma tonight. I generally look forward to such an outing, but I don't feel like it tonight. My mom's been on my nerves. Another day for that.
Avery threw up in her bed last night. ICK. I think it was due to the amount of junk she ate yesterday. So far today, no problem. I've been hanging out at home all day though, just in case. Keep your fingers crossed for me! Have a good day.

Weigh In

Hello. Today is my baby's 1rst birthday. (sniff sniff). I can't believe its been a year. I don't know what it is about that 1rst birthday, but it makes me cry. A lot. More than the other ones, even though I cry on those too. It seems like the end of babyhood. I know its not, but there's just something about that milestone. She's not walking yet (yay!), and not even attempting to take steps (yay again). She walks along the furniture, and she can stand on her own w/o holding on to anything, so I suppose its a only a matter of time. But I love it! Both my older two were walking by their first birthday. When my older kids turned 1, I just packed up the bottles, that was it. But, I don't want to take the bottle away yet, not with Jade. I wonder if its b/c I want to keep her a baby? I know that it's very possible I'll have another baby in a few years, but for some reason, seems like I'm having a hard time letting go. I'm going to take my time w/ the bottle, so there! I'm excited for her party tonight! Some of my girlfriends can make it now! I'm feeling much better about it. I'm running around like a chicken w/ my head cut off, but I'll get it done.
So, the weigh in. Drum roll please........ 3 more pounds! That brings my grand total to 18 pounds bitches! WOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOO. I went shopping last night for new jeans, being that all the ones I currently own no longer fit. I grabbed a pair of the rack in a size I never thought would fit, and they DID!!! I haven't been in that size since my junior year of high school. I'm nearly 1/2 way there. I can't believe how easy this has really been. Yeah, it gets hard sometimes, but overall, not too bad. I'm so excited! I've been in a bit of a slump this week, not being as disciplined as I should. And the new jeans and the weigh in today, really helped. I'm back on a mission! I should really start exercising... I hate exercise. The only form I enjoy is swimming(too cold yet), and rollerblading. The weather has been nice enough for rollerblading, but it's hard to find a time I can go, w/o all 3 of my kids. I have a jogging stroller I can put the baby in, and the other 2 ride bikes, but I'm constantly having to stop. I just need to pencil in time, like I would for a night out or something. I hope things continue to progress w/ exercise. I keep having these fears that I'm just going to stop losing, or that it will slow down to a crawl, and I'll become discouraged. Keep on... We shall see. Pictures will be up over the weekend!

The Basement Dweller

I forgot to mention that my cousin moved in w/ her baby. She moved in last weekend. She lived her a few years ago, before the new baby for nearly a year. We had some issues, but nothing major. We called her basement dweller, or just dweller. So far so good. I'm trying to re-situate my house. Another person and another baby add a whole bunch of junk! She's only going to be her a month(I hope). That was our agreement anyway. We'll see what plays out.
I got a lot accomplished yesterday. We have two storage rooms in our basement, neither of which have any sort of organization. Random furniture, boxes of old stuff that we never got around to donating, and any other misc. item we don't know what to do with. I tore into one yesterday, and is 3/4 of the way finished. I have to get back in there today and put it back to rights, hopefully with enough room left for the rest of the crap in the other one. I tackled the yard today, and our pool area. That's all set. Now if I could just finish the basement, and get a move on in the rest of the house. Company's coming you know. Time for a good scrubbing! I also need to go to the dermatologist today, and the grocery store, oh, and pick kids up from school. I'll see how far I get today, and I hope I won't have much to do tomorrow. I hate rushing around! Makes me grumpy. I'd rather work like a dog today rather than stress tomorrow. Hubs will be home late tonight :( I was hoping for some help. At least I got the yard work done, and the pool area cleaned up. It's so nice outside today! Sunny and 70. Ahhh. I love days like this. I can't wait for summer to get here! Have a good day all.

Some Good and Bad

The weeked went by really fast! Friday I went shopping with Chicken to look for a dress for me. I'm the only one standing up for her. She decided to leave it up to me, color and all, but I thought it'd be a good idea to go see what was out there, and get her input. We decided on a green, silk halter style dress. I don't really know how to describe the color. I think it's like emerald green, but a shade lighter, and very bright. Its really pretty. I bought a size that fits now, but its a bit tight around my ribs. The way the dress falls, it won't matter if I lose 15 more pds before the wedding. It should fit better around my ribs, and you can't see the rest of my body underneath that section anyway. If anything, I might have to have it taken in a bit around the boob/rib area, but I think it will work out great. The color will look great w/ the outside setting. I can't wait! On Friday night, I went shopping with my brother, which is Chicken's groom to be. We went all over looking for the perfect ring. We found it! Last night, he asked our family, and her family to meet up at their house, before Chicken got home from work. I'll let her tell you about the rest. I'm sure she'll post about it. Check her blog later today. It was great! I am so excited about this wedding. I hope the time passes quickly b/w now and then!
And now, for the bad.... I'm feeling sorry for myself today. I do that on occasion. My Jade is turning 1 on Friday. Birthdays are a big deal to me. Especially first birthdays. We have a party planned for Friday night, but most of my friends can't make it. Only one of my good girlfriends can come, and even she can only stay for a little bit. I'm glad she's making the effort to come, and I'm thankful for it. I don't expect the world to drop what they're doing, but it hurts my feelings that only one can spare time for me, and my baby. My parents and grandparents are coming. That will have to be enough. It just bums me out. I have some very close friends, and I try my best to make it to their family things, parties, baptisms, etc. But it isn't something that's returned. And my dad stood me up yesterday. He called and gave me some lame excuse. I'm just feeling really unimportant today, that my feelings don't matter. That neither me nor my kids are important to the people that are important to me.

Weigh In Update

I had to weigh in this morning, and they also did my measurements. I took them myself the other day, and I thought it was nearly 10 inches that I had lost, but it is only 8 1/2 inches, but still great! I'm down 15 pds. Woohooo! I didn't think that it would go this quickly, and I'm super excited about it!
My kids are driving me nuts today. I can't get more than 3 minutes of peace. Every 3 minutes one of them is demanding something, or crying about nonsense. UGH. I've been trying to clean up, and its like they go right behind me going 'oh. I see mom just cleaned. Maybe I should just go and fuck it up again. I bet she'd love it!' BAH. I've been so looking foward to spring break, but I must say, I'm ready for them to go back to school now. Enough. They've been picking on each other, and complaining about EVERYTHING. I think I'm going to kick them outside for the rest of the afternoon. Sounds like a fantastic idea to me!

My New Love :)

I have a new love in my life. His name is Jack, and he's a 10 week old black lab puppy!!! I've always loved dogs, and have had them all of my life, up until I got married. Hubs is not a dog fan. It's not that he doesn't like dogs, more so that he doesn't like dog poop, or chewed up shoes. When we were first married, we had a tiny little house, with no back yard. He told me that when we got a bigger house, with a fenced in back yard, we could get our dog. We've lived here 5 years now. I went to the pet store to see a friend (they own the store), I had no intention of puppy shopping. I asked to see the puppies, just b/c I like them. When they brought Jack out, my heart stopped. I fell helplessly in love. I HAD to have him. Normally, dogs don't have that effect on me. I don't fall in love with just any cute pup. He reminded me of my Molly. Molly was my dog that I had growing up. She was a beautiful Newfoundland. Huge dog, but very smart, and huge heart to go along with her body. She ended up getting bone cancer. We kept her on medication for 4 months or so, but then she all of a sudden lost a bunch of weight. I knew it was her time, but I had a really difficult time making the decision to put her down. I brought her to the vet myself, and laid with her on the floor while they gave her the injection. I stayed there until her last breath, and then for another 45 minutes, weeping hopelessly. I was broken up over it. I cried for nearly a week. I hadn't met a dog yet that made me feel anywhere close to the connection I had with Molly, until I laid eyes on Jack. That dog was meant to be mine. I had a hard time convincing hubs, but he was out voted. The kids fell for Jack to. I've been really happy! I don't enjoy potty training dogs, but its going ok. I'll be glad when this part is over. All dogs are pretty dumb for the first year. Hubs is warming up to him as well. I caught him laying on the floor with Jack, rubbing his belly.
What else is new? I've lost 13 pds now, and nearly 10 inches!!! All of my clothes are loose now. The biggest change I've noticed is my boobs! They've really shrunk! Which isn't a problem, I had some biggins! Now I'm back to my very nice high school bra size. If they shrink anymore, I might get a little worried. Now how 'bout that ass? That could really use some shrinking!
The baby has another new word! She now says 'bye bye'. Aww. Big girl. And she had her first ever grilled cheese sandwich! She loved it. She's been getting brave as well. Now when she pulls herself up, she lets go and just stands there, all by herself. Thank goodness she's not trying to walk yet! I'd like her to wait a bit longer.
Our taxes finally went through. I called social security again, and verified everyone's information. When I found everything was correct there, I called the IRS and verified all there. They too said that all of our info was correct. Then called back our tax lady, and she said she would try again. They went through! Turns out that it was the tax lady's fault all along. She forgot one of the letters in our baby's last name. DUH! That was it? All this time, and all of the phone calls I made to her and everyone else verifying all this information! One letter in our last name, and she's been doing our taxes for 7 years. UGH. Pissed me off. Why wouldn't she check the simple stuff right away? I don't care anymore, I'm just glad that our large lump sum of money will be here this week! Finally!
I'm off to the hospital now. My s-I-l just had a baby. I want to meet my spanking new niece. She was 8pds 12oz and 21 1/2 inches. Her labor started at 10:30 pm, and the baby was born at 2. Nice and short labor and delivery. All her babies were born like that. Pain med free to. She's a brave soul. Have a good day all!

It has been so bananas lately. The schedule I'm keeping is ridiculous. I've gotten somewhat used to it, but I am so looking forward to some down time! I have appts every single morning before I bring kids to school, mon-sat. Then w/ Ave's dance class, and my working 3 or so days a week, I can hardly keep it all straight. My kids last day of school is tomorrow, and then we have SPRING BRAKE!! WOOOHOOOOO. No running kids to school or dance class for a whole week. Bliss I tell, pure bliss :) AND, I'm not friggn' working at ALL during that week. I want to sleep in, maybe do some yard work.... or watch tv.. maybe I'd even have time to read a book. That'd be nice.
We've been waiting for our tax refund for the last week. They were e-filed by our accountant, and should have been deposited into our account last week. I've been checking everyday, and still nothing. I finally called our accountant this morning, and she says 'oh. I had a problem w/ the baby's ssn# so I called and they told me to try something else, and I've been busy and haven't gotten to it' WHAT?! We have a whole pile of bills to pay, and we've been thinking that they were going to show up any minute. The crazy old hag couldn't even call us to let us know?! I was irate. She said that she'll try to make time to do it today or tomorrow. I'm still pissed about it. I asked her to call me AS SOON AS YOU DO IT, and if I don't hear from her by tomorrow morning, I'm calling again! I'll sit on her front porch till she gets it down if I need to, but we are counting on that money. I can't wait any longer to pay all of our bills, so now I have to shift things around, and pull some money out of my magic ass to take care of them. This would have been much easier to take care of 2 flippn weeks ago! Maybe our tax lady is getting too old to properly take care of business. I think she's in her late 70's. We've used her for years, and have been happy with results, but this, this just sucks. I think she's slipping.
The baby started saying a new word! When I got her up from her nap yesterday, I was talking to her as I normally do, and then she responded w/ "nononononononono NO" LOL. Funny baby. She's been getting around w/ a quickness that makes me dizzy. She can shoot from one end of the house to the other in mere seconds. She's getting curious, and starting to explore things, like light sockets, cupboards that she can pry into, and blinds. So, she's been hearing 'no no' but I don't think she knows what it means yet. I can't believe she'll be 1 in 2 weeks.
It was Chicken's birthday yesterday. My lovely bestest friend ever is now 28. Getting old love :) Her and my brother have set a wedding date as well! July 1. I can't believe that she's marrying MY brother. Never in a million years would I have guessed that they would end up together. AND, she's having my niece or nephew. Does it get much better than that? I think not. Not all of us get to have our best friend marry into the family. I can't wait till she gets a big preggo's belly. I can't wait till they get married. I can't wait to hold my niece or nephew :)
Anyway, laundry is calling me. I think when I'm win the lotto, I'm going to hire someone to do all my laundry and dusting. I should start playing the lotto. Till later then :D

Blogger has not let me post for the last week! I'm not sure what the issue is, but I hope it's over!
Lots has been going on this last week. Too much really. I'll give you a brief recap :) Too much to be too detailed.
My aunt died. It was sad. We knew she was really ill, and were expecting it, but then she woke up. She had been awake, but non responsive for 2 weeks. Her kidneys had shut down, and she couldn't breathe on her own. An EEG was done, and they discovered that she had 50% brain damage. She lives in CA, while the rest of us live here, so my grandma flew out there to say goodbye, and pull the plug basically. When grandma got there and started talking to her, she WOKE up. She opened her eyes, grabbed grandma's hand, and was anwsering her questions by shaking her head yes or no. The doctors were floored, and thought she might make it. She died late that very night. It was an emotional roller coaster. She's going to do, so sad, SHE MIGHT LIVE! IT'S A MIRACLE! And then, oh no, she did die. It was very sad.
Max came down with Strep throat, AGIAN. His doc said that there is an empidemic of strep in our area. Max was unfortunate enough to catch both the first and second wave of it. I hope he NEVER gets it again! Max and I went and saw the Jungle Book live. That was fun, and they did a good job with it. Max really enjoyed it too.
My good friend's baby got some test results back this week. Baby E hasn't met his milestones, by a long shot. The doc's did some digging, and the CPK level came back kind of high. CPK is what your muscles let out when you have muscular dystrophy. They said his aren't as high as MD patients, but that's kind of what it points too. They re-did all the labs, and she'll have to wait 6 weeks for those. If it comes back high again, they will do a muscle biopsy to find out for sure weather or not he has MD. I really hope it's not that. MD can kill you before you are a teenager. There are other forms, that don't kill you, but you might always be weak. I just don't want it to be that. My friend is really having a rough time with all of this. Baby E is 10 months old. The waiting is killing her.
My other dear friend had a beautiful baby girl this weekend! That was exciting, and while she was in the hospital, I had her 2 yr old. Everything went fine, except for the donut outing, but I'll have to get to that another time. The 2yr old is a very good boy, but it made it more hectic around here :)
My mom had surgery last week Tuesday. It was for carpal tunnel, and everything went well, but she is still really sore. She can't use her right arm at all for 6 weeks. She's right handed. Makes everything a little more difficult, but she's doing good, and getting used to only having one arm.
Avery had a check up today. She has an infection in her nose, called impintigo. I can't spell to save my ass, so just sound that one out. I've heard of it before, but I'm not too sure what it is. Her ped said that its fairly common, and easier to get if you have super sensitive skin, which she does. He gave me a nice compliment too. We were talking about Jade, and I had said something about thinking to have another. He said that he could tell I was one of those rare moms, that love every part of being a mother, and that I'm a good one. That's nice to hear. If he only knew... lol. It is true that I love being a mom. It's hard for me to make a decision to stop having kids, I feel like I'm just now getting the hang of this mommy business.
This is a really boring post. I'm afraid to make it more interesting, b/c the instant I get creative, my computer will freeze and the very evil blogger will eat it! I haven't been to anyone's else's blog this last week either. I'm going to try and catch up on my reading. Hope you are all well!!

Weigh In

I weighed in this morning, and I'm down another pound. I've been doing this diet for 2 weeks tomorrow, and have lost 9 pds. Very exciting stuff! I want to keep seeing that scale move down. It makes me feel better about sticking with it when I see results. I'm wearing some jeans today that used to be tight, and I can pull them off without unbuttoning them now! My mom is having surgery today, so I don't have any more time for blogger. I'll have longer post tomorrow!

Avery has dance class on Mondays. She does tap and ballet. Today was parent watch day. Generally we are not allowed to go in the dance studio w/ them. We sit in the lobby, and can watch them on a TV. I was so excited to go and see what she's been learning! The recital is in May. Anyway, all of the parent shuffle into the room, and class begins. At first, it goes really well. Then she messed something up. Because we were all watching, she got really embarrassed, and REFUSED to do anymore. She started to cry, and then came over to me and sat down. She wouldn't do anything. I couldn't coax her back for the life I me. Bribes.. Nothing. Then she fell off the bench and hit the back of her head on it. Poor girl. I don't think she's going to get on the stage for her recital. I don't want to invite anyone to come. The tickets are 8$, and what a waste if she doesn't do it. I don't know what to tell her to make her feel better about it. Suggestions? I don't think she's feeling very good either. She woke up w/ a rash on her face yesterday, and she looks a little pale. She sounds stuffed up too, but I wonder if that's from the bloody nose she woke up with in the middle of the night. Please, not another illness!
I'm sick of our ghetto neighbors. Those kids have the filthiest mouths. Not too mention their parents. The kids were outside playing basketball yesterday, swearing at each other loud enough for me to hear in my garage. "Stupid Ass! Gimme the fuckn' ball! Shut the fuck up bitch!" The parents do NOTHING. What can they do? They talk like that too. Yes, I swear. BUT, not in front of my kids, not loud enough to disturb neighbors, and IF MY KIDS talked like that, you can bet on them eating soap. If the parents next door are not going to do anything about it, what should I do? I'm telling you, those bastards are decreasing my home value as we speak. Makes me want to move.
The diet is still going well. I weigh in again tomorrow. It's getting tougher. I was so excited about the rapid weight loss in the beginning, and now its just trickling off. Pisses me off. Its difficult for me to stick with it, which I am, and then see slower progress. Bah! Pizza please.. Maybe some cake? I'll let you know how it goes.

I'm being a bit naughty today. I feel kind of bad. I'm suppose to work in Max's class today, making copies and what not. And I'm not going to. I'm keeping Max home with me. If he's sick, I certainly can't go in. Other than he's not sick. I'm sick of HAVING to be somewhere, sick of sending my kids to sitters. I just plain don't want to. Not at all. So I'm not. And my conscious is already bothering me about it. Damn. I just want to be home w/ my kids. I want to catch up with them, and with my housework. I haven't gone to the grocery store in 2 weeks, out of everything, 13 loads of laundry, its time to mop and dust. I have decided that if I had a normal job, I would HATE it. How do you working moms get anything done? Anything at all? I feel like its time for me to turn off the phone, and hide out w/ my family. No more stuff to do! I can't get around the dermatologist, that's important, and I'm still going 3 days a week, but anything else, no way! Speaking of my skin, it's weird. All of a sudden this morning, 1/2 the spots disappeared. Awesome!
I'm looking forward to a very quiet weekend! I'm making 0 plans for anyone in our family. I have lots more to blog about, but I'll save it for another day. Weight update- down 8 pds in 8 days!!! Wooohoooo. My clothes are already starting to fit differently. Very nice.

BUSY!

The last 5 days have been crazy busy! I'm looking forward to some down time. Friday night we had all of the boys from Max's kindergarten class over for a birthday party. I don't EVER want to do that again. Those boys were so crazy and loud. Screaming, wrestling, chaos. It was hard to get their attention to even play games. All the boys had a good time, and more importantly, Max really enjoyed it. I don't think I'll be doing that again next year.
I went and weighed in on Saturday morning. I lost another 3 pounds!!! That brings me to 7 in under a week. Just a few days really. It was really hard being away from home and eating out this weekend. I just can't eat out. Or not till I get more familiar w/ what's ok to eat, and what isn't.
Hubs and I had a GREAT time this weekend. It was so nice to hang out, talk, play, catch up. We went to Traverse City, MI, and played at the Sutton's Bay Casino. We won 250$ playing black jack. It was great. We didn't get home Sunday night till after 9. We couldn't wait to see the kids! I missed them soooo much. Nice to get away, but even better coming home.
I had to go to Jury Duty on Monday. Ick. I was selected for a Federal trial. It was very interesting watching the judicial process. The case ended today, and we found the defendant guilty on all 3 charges. The guy sold crack to an undercover agent, sold it to him within 1000 feet of 2 elementary schools, and he had a gun. He already was a convicted felon, so having a gun is a big no no, and the gun is why it was in federal court instead of state court. It was interesting, but I'm glad its done. It was a pain in the ass to set up day care for my kids! And on top of that, I still MISS them. I want to play with them, and snuggle. I can't wait to pick them up today!!!

Yea!

Yesterday was my first official diet day. I had to go in today for a weigh in. Ugh. I couldn't believe they wanted to get my weight after only one day. How much difference could a day make anyway? How about 4 pounds bitches!!!!! I was so excited! 4 pounds indeed! I feel really encouraged by this. I'm going do my best w/ this program.
Do you ever say something, and then the minute it comes out, you're like 'shut up jackass! Why would you EVER say that?'??? I so did that at work last night. I think I've mentioned that I work for a hotel every now and again. Last night I was working, and this older business man/gentleman/very PROPER guy checked in. I asked if there was anything else he needed, and he asked me to bring extra pillows up. No problem. I brought the pillows up to him, and he insisted on tipping me. He hands me the $$, and without thinking I say 'thanks handsome'. What the hell? WHY did I say that? Must be b/c I say it to my son all day, but geez. My face turned red as I hustled out of the room. What a dork. Love it when that happens. What a hussie.
Today is Max's 6th birthday :) He woke up this morning and went running to the mirror. "LOOK MOM! I'M BIGGER TODAY! I'M 6!" So cute. I have lots to do today. I need to clean my house, and make up the gift bags for Max's party tomorrow. I want to get as much as possible done today, so I can relax some tomorrow. My poor sad house has been neglected this week. Too much going on this week. I'm VERY much looking forward to hubs and I night away. Can't wait. Although I won't be able to have any beer, or food. Nah, its not that bad, but it would be nice to have a little more room. I refuse to get off this program though, even for a day. NOT till I get to my goal. I'm committed :)

Bye Bye Fatty

Wooohooo! I signed up at a weight loss center today. I've been wanting to do something about it for awhile, and finally decided it was time. I took the plunge. I'm really excited, but nervous too. I'm committed, but I worried it won't work the way it should, or that I'll screw it up by not having the will power I need to make it happen. It was more money than I wanted, but at this point, if I can lose weight in a healthy manner, and keep it off, it will be worth it. And overall, its cheaper than some others. This place offers one on one counseling, a specific menu catered to your health history and your goal weight. In just 4 months, I'll be thin! I'll take before and after pictures for you. I'll try to post the before shot this week. My camera is currently out of order, but I hope to remedy that tomorrow. The other thing about this program, is that its medically sound. They do lab work there to check for thyroid issues, and any other health problems that could enable your ability to shed pounds, and all of the people that work there are certified nutritionists. Oh, and when you reach your goal, you get 1/2 your money back. A little extra added bonus. My goal is 40 pds. Seems like a HUGE amount, but supposedly, completely possible. Wait and see... I'm hopeful! By mid summer, I'll be smaller, and maybe even have clear skin! wooooohoooooooo. Very exciting things happening in the Blue household!

Drunk Dial

You know.... My biological dad is a drunk. Always has been. He and my mom separated when I was just 2. From the stories I hear, I was desperately wanted by both parents. They tried to conceive me for 4 years. I was a wanted child. I was born premature, and my parents were told I would not live through the night. I survived, obviously. You would think, or at least I would, that b/c of all that, I would matter to him. But the bottle was the only thing that his heart truly loved. As a child, and teenager, I struggled with that. How could I be so wanted, but then left aside? He was never around. Or if by chance he did call he'd promise to be there by noon, and never show up. I'd wait on the porch w/ my little bag packed, till supper, when my mom would try to soothe my broken heart. Then I'd sit by the window, convinced that he was still coming, maybe just got held up. I'd wait till bedtime, and then cry myself to sleep. This pattern continued all throughout my life. He went to jail a few years ago. By the time he went to jail, I had pretty much written him off. Knowing he was there made me sad for him. I wrote him a few letters, telling him that even though we don't have a relationship here, I would like to see him in heaven, and it wasn't too late for him to turn things around for him. He could give up drinking, get a job, etc. I urged him to think about how his life had gotten him to this point, and to change it. He wrote me many letters, asking for forgiveness, saying he knew that he never did right by me, please, can I try again, I love you, more blah blah blah. I agreed, but told myself that I wouldn't invest my whole heart into it, but I would see where it went. He stayed with hubs and I for a week when he got out of jail, and got to know my kids for the first time. I kept my guard up, but it began to slip, sooner than I thought. He stayed sober for a year. That year was a great time in my life. I finally felt wanted, and excepted. For some reason, I've always wanted him to be proud of me. Like it matters. Anyway, his girlfriend of 15 years died from a drug overdose. He had his first beer at her funeral. I tried not to be mad, after all, it was her funeral. But I knew what was to come. He's a full fledged drunk again. Within a month of her death. I try to avoid answering the phone after 6pm when he calls. He's way drunk by then. But now it's only 330, and he called all drunk and retarded. Slurring, saying stupid shit about being a secret agent, and nam rambles. He missed my birthday, again. I think the only one he really showed up for was 10 years ago. I don't know what to do about him. I don't want to be an asshole, but at the same time, C'mon. I can't force him to stop drinking. I can't make him stop. I won't allow him to be around my kids. OVER MY DEAD body will they ever be exposed to that sort of lifestyle. Its just not ok with me. There were times when he would pick me up only to bring me to a party, so I could watch people get drunk and stupid, or do drugs. One time he brought me and my brother to a bar, told us to stay in the car, and he'd be right back. He forgot about us. He came out 3 hours later, falling down the stairs. Makes my skin crawl to think about those times now. Now that I have my own children, I can't understand him at all. I would never, could never, and would protect them from that environment with my life. Empty promises and broken hearts. Those things should effect me now, I'm a grown up dammit. I don't know what to do w/ him.

Fucking Car! AGAIN!

Son of a bitch! The stupid P.O.S car did it again! I went outside this morning, to warm it up. Came back out looking for Max's snow stuff, and the damn thing was locked! AGAIN! All by itself. Pisses me off. Thankfully there wasn't a kid in it this time. The fire dept will only help if there is a kid in it. Had to call someone to bring my son to school, and my daughter will be missing her dance class. Ah, well. Could be worse. Hubs was suppose to put the spare in a magnetic lock box under the fender, but he didn't get around to it yet. Not only that, but he hasn't taken it off his key ring. I didn't really think it was likely to happen again, and neither did he. I'm currently waiting for a towing company to come and unlock it. I'm glad for the road side service I pay extra for now. STUPID. The tow guy just came and unlocked it. Nice. My neighbors must really think I'm loopy now. Maybe I should wander around my yard yelling to myself to reinforce that...
Max's party was nice. He had a good time. It was for my family, and our close friends, and they all came. I love spending time w/ my family, and good friends. I like knowing I can count on them. I made a bunch of food! Meatball, sweet pasta salad, fruit salad, cake, my grandma brought taco salad, chicken brought a cheese ball, and my mom brought BBQ and pickle wraps. MMMMMMMM. If you ever have to go to any sort of potluck, this sweet pasta salad is out of this world good! Lemme know if you want the recipe. My brother got Max a BB gun! It looks like a shot gun. I can't believe he got him that! I think 6 is a bit young for guns... My brother had one around that age though. I shot my first real shot gun at 6, and it knocked me on my ass! I don't think a BB gun would do that. I'm kind of unsure about what I think of it as yet. We told him gun safety, and he isn't allowed to touch it w/o daddy w/ him. We will keep it locked in our gun safe. We have quite a few guns. Hubs is a hunter. When we started having kids, we went out and bought this huge, 800 pnd safe for them.
This week is again busy! I have to work Mon Tue and Wed, go to the derm. 3 times this week during the day, Thursday is Max's actual birthday, so we are taking him to a video game/go kart place, Friday is his bday party for all of his school friends, and sat, hubs and I are going out of town!!! We will be back Sunday night. I'm getting a little nervous about leaving our kids, especially the baby. We haven't been w/o them(all of them at the same time) for a night in close to 3 years. This will be the first time we leave Jade. Max and Avery are going to my mom's, and Jade is going to be spending Saturday and Saturday night, w/ my grandma. I know that my grandma will take care of her just fine, but she does weird stuff. Like put yogurt in her bottle, or feed her odd food. And she'll run all over the place w/ her. My grandma is very active, and together, but I have noticed she's getting kind of flighty about some things. Like she'll ask the same question 4 times in a row, like she never asked at all. Bothers me. Makes me want to stay home and take care of my baby myself. Sunday morning, my S-I-L is going to pick her up and keep her till we get home. I'm more comfortable w/ that, b/c she has young kids too. Things were very different when my grandma had babies. I'm sure it will be fine.. I just need to relax and stop thinking about it, or I really won't go. I need to go. It will be good for me, and super good for hubs and I.

Birthdays

My birthday was fun. Bowling was a blast! I lost 50$ though, and that sucks. Birthday money from my grandma :( Oh well. At least it wasn't money we had budgeted for anything. I was hoping to purchase something for myself, but so sad for me. I got an awesome present from Chicken. My favorite flower is a daisy, particularly Gerber daises. Gerber daisy's don't come back every year here, so she found another kind similar, but they grow back bigger and better each year. Not only that, but she found BLUE daisy's! Not only is blue my name, but my favorite color as well. She always comes up w/the most thoughtful gifts! I was very excited about them. Now I just have to figure out where I can plant them!
Not much happening for the weekend. Hubs and I watched a movie last night, tonight I may or may not play poker at a friend's house, and tomorrow, we're having a birthday party for Max! I can't believe he's turning 6. Time goes so fast. My first baby. I was so scared when I found out I was pregnant w/ him. I was terrified of being a mother, and I had very little experience w/ babies. I never thought that I wanted kids. Not b/c I disliked kids, I just didn't think I'd be a good mom. When my water broke (3 weeks early) I thought I was going to die from the panic attack that I had. My knees were shaking. They kept shaking, all the way up till he was born. Then it was love. He was such a beautiful baby. I was also under the impression at the time that all newborns were ugly. He was perfect. He had great color, and perfectly round head, small nose and ears, and a tuft of blonde hair. I fell hard for him. I was not prepared for the joy that he brought me. So in love. And I still am. He is my easy going kid. He sensitive, loving, smart, kind. He knows everything there is to know about race cars and harley's. He loves spiderman and ninja turtles, and starting to love video games. Good boy all the way around, and I can't believe he's going to be 6. I always cry when one of my kids has a birthday. I'm excited to see them grow, but sad at the same time that they are. Ah, the joys and sorrows of being a mom :)

Happy Birthday to ME!

Yes indeed, 28 years ago today, I was born. I was born premature, and the doctors told my parents that I would not live through the night. Poo poo on them, Here I am! I love birhtdays, but my own are much less exciting. Now I'm just getting older. We have plans w/ some friends tonight. We are going out for dinner, and then bowling :) I wanted to go ice skating, but it didn't work out. I'm looking forward to it. I'm just sad my fabulous Chicken isn't able to come. Damn second shift jobs! Should be a good time anyway.
When I got up this morning and looked in the mirror, my face was CLEAR. That new doc is magic! I didn't wear make up today! WOOOOHOOOO. It's a little peal-ish, but who cares? The redness is gone. I'm on my way to normal!
Other than that, not too much happening. I am having an issue w/ my son, but I'll save it for another day. Here's to being 28!!!!!

Better

I'm doing better! The rest of the weekend went by w/o incident :) Phew. I was glad for that. Jade's rash is getting better as well. Today I went to see a specialist about my skin. I was kind of nervous thinking that he was going to tell me something different from my family doctor, like I had some sort of flesh eating bacteria. Eww! But he didn't. I indeed have psoriasis, just as my family doc said. But my family doc said that there was very little to be done about it, which was discouraging. I decided to get a second opinion, and I'm so glad! Psoriasis is a genetic thing- I didn't know that. I knew very little about it actually. Talking to the new dr. really made me feel better. There are things that can be done to help. They hooked me up w/ a bunch of stuff for my skin, and set up a treatment program that includes UV rays. Even though I have a bad kind, bad b/c it can cover your whole body, it is more easily treatable than others. They assured me that they can clear me up!!!!! Not to say I won't have another flare up. Flare ups can be caused by any number of things, like hormones, stress, illness. But when it happens, it can be fixed back up. I'm so relieved! For the first time this month, I feel hopeful, and much less like a monster of sorts. No, it isn't that you would see me and scream, but it looks like chicken pox or something on my arms. To anyone else, it prly wouldn't seem so bad, but to me, it seems awful. My treatment started today, and I have to go there 3 times a week to begin with. They are so nice there. I can bring my kids along. There is a toy room there for them to play with, and the nurse's are all willing to hold the baby. The UV thing I get in looks like a hexagon tanner. Basically, I get a sunburn. The lights combined w/ the lotions, should have me mostly clear within 5-6 weeks. Yay! I was worried about the doctor, b/c I just picked him out of the phone book, but it turns out that he is one of the leading researchers in the country, and on the board at U of M. Not only is he a leader in this field, but he himself also suffers with it. So do most of the nurses. They understand the emotional toll this has been taking on me, and the physical too. Not just medically, but from personal experience. It's a comfort to me in so many ways to know I'm in good hands, and I'm not gross, or alone. I'm excited to see a difference. Oh, and my insurance covers it!!!! Woohoooo. Also good. I picked up the prescriptions today, and all but one were covered. The one that wasn't cost a fortune! $165.00! WHOA. But its worth it to me to win back some of my self image. I know that the outside isn't what matters, and anyone else w/ any skin problems I wouldn't view as gross in any way, but when I was put in the situation, I saw it completely different. I feel ugly, gross, and like people are staring- but they're not. I know that as well, but it doesn't ease how I feel. You always view yourself so much differently than other would. This has been an eye opening experience for me. Its hard to decide to love yourself from the inside out, but I'm working on it. I want to set a good example for my kids, especially the girls. I'm going to keep working on that, but I'm also going to improve the outside. Not b/c I have an outrageous need to be perfect, but I want to be able to say 'I look ok today'. And even if I don't, I still want to be ok with it. I've never had issues w/ how I look. Ever. Sure, I've wanted to be thinner, or wished my hair straight, or curly (it was both at different times), but other than that, I've always been ok w/ me. Just as I am. I wouldn't want to change my features, or a get a new face/butt/boobs whatever. Until now. I'd still like to be thinner (working on that too), but having this rash has really stung me in a place I didn't know existed. I am thrilled w/ the new doctor, and very much looking forward to treatments! OH, and GUESS WHAT?! Hubs and I are going away, TOGETHER, WITH NO CHILDREN FOR A WHOLE NIGT!!!!! I can't wait. We haven't gone away for a night together, alone for more than 3 years! More on that later.

UNREAL

AHHHHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAAAHHHH! Its been one of those weeks!I haven't updated b/c my computer has been broken, or at least not working well. This week has been so busy! We've had something going on every night, and my days are spent doing mommy type stuff. LET me tell you about my day. Today started off alright- got up early (before 6) and started getting some things done. Dropped Avery off at school, and headed to the grocery store. I can't remember what happened in b/w that time, but it was starting to get a bit crazy w/ kids and what not. I pick Max up from school, along w/ 2 other kids, every day. Today I packed up the girls, and headed towards school. After FOREVER behind all the other soccer moms, we made it home. One of the car pool kids thought he had lost his glove in the backseat. I hopped out, along with the big kids, leaving Jade in her carseat. Couldn't find the glove, closed the van door, and said goodbye to the car pool kids. Then I hear "click". Oh shit. The van locked, all by itself for NO REASON with my baby still in the car! Of course I left my keys in it, and why would I have a spare set? That would be much too convient. Hubs has the only spare key, and he was still working an hour away. I called 911, who patched me through to the fire department. The nice firemen came and got my baby out for me. Nothing like locking your baby in the car to make you feel like a stellar mother. Nice seeing all the neighbor's crane their necks to see why the fire rescue vehicle is in my driveway. Because I'm the best mom ever, duh. That's why they are here. Meanwhile, poor baby. She's on an antibiotic to clear up a sinus infection, which causes mad crazy diarrhea. Her biscuits were tender already, and she pooped while locked in my car. So she had to sit in it. OH NO. When I got her in the house to change her, her poor little business was all raw, swollen, and almost bleeding! She screamed like I've never heard her scream before. It was terrible. When hubs got home, he was kind of crabby, and so was I, so that didn't go very smoothly. AND I was late for work to top it all off. what a day. I don't have any more time, but hopefully my computer will stop being an asshole, and I can update again tomorrow!

Surprise!

My mom's surprise party was great fun. She was clueless the entire time! It's more than rare for her to be speechless, but she was, for at least a few minutes. It was fun to watch all the different emotions play out on her face. First confusion, then shock, then laughter (including a few snorts), and then tears. Lots of friends showed up, even friends that she hasn't seen in years. This is the first time I can remember my mom having a birthday party, ever. She always has had them for my SD, and for my bro and I, but never for her. It was awesome.
The rest of this weekend is going to be quiet. Hubs is gone to a poker game tonight. I'm planning on ordering a veggie pizza (I only get them when hubs is gone. He won't eat them), and watching a few Disney movies w/ the kids. I don't want to go anywhere. Its friggn' FREEZING here right now. It is 1* F right now, but w/ the wind chill factored in, it feels like -17 F, so says the weather man. Really cold. I ran a few errands this morning, and Avery was playing in the yard when I got home. I can't believe hubs let her outside, or that she wanted to. She had on all the proper gear, but damn! Too cold! The weather has been nuts lately. On Thursday, we had winter snow advisory, thunder storms, tornado watch, ice storm advisory, and a high wind warning! Not right at all. Thunder storms and tornado watches in Feb? Only in MI. It's suppose to warm back up in the 20's tomorrow. Nice, time to bust out the BBQ.
Other than that... Not much going on. I still feel ugly. I'm trying to work on it, but its tough right now. I don't like watching my skin flare up w/ nothing to be done about it. I just hope it settles back down sooner than later. I'd really hate to be a hermit. I'm going to start tanning this week. That's suppose to help. And I'm heading to the doc this week as well. Stupid psriorsis. I can't spell. I was reading that after you give birth, or stop nursing, within a few months, it can get worse. And it so did. It didn't act up like this w/ my other kids. Not that I can remember. But then again, I didn't start thinking about it, or worry about it until this last year. Up until then, I just thought I had dry skin. And of course, I worry about everything WAY more now than I did when I was younger. And winter does make it worse, and so does lack of sunshine. Which we had like 2 sunny days in an entire month. The doc never has anything new to say about it, but now that I'm not nursing, there should be more treatment options for me. I certainly hope so! I fear I'll turn into a lizard. I'm actually more fortunate than most, and I need to keep reminding myself of that. Mine is not nearly as severe as most. I need to stop worrying about it, and being petty. Maybe I need some anti-depressants. Or a little no-more-paranoia. That would be helpful. I'm rambling on and getting carried away. Bah. Enjoy the rest of the weekend!

Ugly.

We had a nice night last night. The food was great, and I was so excited to get my kids to bed! They've been a bit of a handful this week- all of them. Not sure what's going on w/ the baby, but she's been higher maintenance this week, and M and A are whiny and full of complaints. Ick. J's been waking up at night. Seems like exactly 1/2 hr after I fall into the good sleep. I let her go for 15 min or so, and if she doesn't settle down, I go in and rub her back. That used to work. Doesn't now. I think part of it is that she's pulling herself up in her crib now. Once she gets into the standing position, I don't think she knows how to get back down. So instead of laying back down to sleep, she just stands there. Grr. 3 nights in a row now. I would like some sleep please.
I have a ton of shit to do today, and I can't seem to fit it all in. Hubs wants me to put some stuff together for him, house needs to be picked up, baby needs a nap, and I have to get to the store to buy a bunch of food for my mom's surprise party this Friday. The news is saying that we are suppose to have a terrible ice/snow storm tomorrow, and if that's the case, I don't want to go out in it! But by the time J gets her nap in, it's time to pick M up from school, and hubs parent are coming over at 5...... How do I fit it in?! Irritating. And all this food for my mom's party, I don't know if my step-dad is going to pay me back for. I don't have a lot of extra money, and buying food for 40-50 people, plus a cake is expensive! I feel like a schmuck asking my SD about it, but he asked me to get it.... Awkward.. Maybe I'll just give him the receipt and hope for the best.
I've been feeling UGLY lately. Really ugly. I've never had a flawless complexion before, but at least I felt comfortable enough to run around w/ out putting make up on. Not so much lately. I've had this rash on my forehead for the last few weeks, and it's bright, so I don't want to leave the house w/o 4 pds of make-up on. Last night I didn't have time to run errands and put make-up on, so I just left, but I was so self conscious! I wore a stocking hat pulled down to my eyebrows. After the first stop, I knew it was silly, so I took it off. But on my next 2 stops, I was watching faces intently looking for the "OH MY GOSH! WHAT THE HELL IS ON HER FACE!" look. I think I was checking too intently and they thought me to be physco. B/C they didn't seem to want to make eye contact, or maybe it was the rash. I'm thankful to report that it looks better today, and is starting to go away. I will never again take a mediocre complexion for granted!
I'm going to try and get the baby down for her nap and pick up. JUST maybe I can fit all of this shit in still in the next 4 hrs. We shall see.

OH!! And do you know the song 'just call me Angel in the morning, baabbby. Just touch my cheek before you leave me, baaby' Who sings it? Chicken and I were trying to figure it out last night. Yesterday I was singing " Just call me ugly in the morning baaby" and the song has been stuck on repeat in my brain since then, not the ugly version, but the original.

Happy Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day.. I'm not a fan of V-day. Hubs and I don't really celebrate it. We don't exchange gifts for sure. We are going to do something a little special tonight- we are putting the kids to bed early, and ordering in Chinese food. Yummy! Cuddle up on the couch and watch American Idol. That is our favorite date. We have more fun doing that than going anywhere. I'm looking fwd to it.
I haven't posted in a few days b/c I have nothing to say. It's been pretty uneventful around here. I got my house clean, finally. I'm trying to stay on top of it this week. It's frustrating to watch slip back into mess.
Have you heard someone say 'I can't help how I feel'? Do you believe that to be true? I don't think I do. I suppose it matters in what circumstance. I've been reading a blog recently where the spouse left one for another, and things aren't perfect in the new relationship- there's some of the "i can't help how I feel". It's easy to get caught up in how you feel, I'm guilty of it as well (in other things, not my spouse and others), but I very well think what we feel can be helped, and changed depending on your viewpoint. Do you agree? Interesting what I've heard from friends and others. I'd like a few more. Comment if you please, and LURKERS, now would be a great time to pop in and say hello. :)

Oh- and blogger still sucks! I haven't been getting all my comments again! Sorry, I'll get to you when I get them!

Your Stripper Song Is

Super Freak by Rick James "That girl is pretty wild now The girl's a super freak The kind of girl you read about In new-wave magazine" Freaky? Yes. But you're also pretty darn funny.

What Song Should You Strip To?

Hmmmm. I suppose so. Super Freak it is! hahahahahahaha. Super Freak right here for your reading pleasure.And just so you know, I would NEVER strip in a million years. Not even for ass loads of money. Not that anyone would be willing to pay to see it. But that's not the point here. :D

Not a lot is going on. My daughter was a jerk today. She did nothing but whine, scream and make mess' today. For example, we had chips w/ lunch. She dumped them on the table, smashed them into pieces w/ her fist, and then wiped them onto the floor. Grr. They were making forts in the living room, so when they were done, I went in to restore order (or close to it). I refolded all the throws, put cushions and pillows back, picked up the 846 books they scattered about. I walked off to do something w/ the baby, and when I came back- destroyed, again. Bah. Then she got mad at her brother and started screaming at her brother. The baby was napping at this time. I run in to see what's going on, and she begins to tell me the nonsense tale again in shrill shrieking loud-as-all-hell tones. I told her 2 or 3 times to quiet down, and then finally busted out w/ the "SHUT UP". Oops. I've never told her to shut up. Always proving myself to be the 'Best mom Ever'. Of course she woke up the baby. AND THEN, when I went to do her hair, she dumped the contents of the hair basket stuff holder. Which is full of barrets, pony holder, clips, and other pretties. Thousands of them. I had to work at my son's school today, so needless to say, I left in a huff, and my house completely torn the fuck up. It is a nasty mess. and I don't want to fix it. !!!!!!! Ever.

The older kids are spending the night w/ my parents tonight, so I suppose I can put things back to rights. I'm having one of those weeks, that I just can't seem to get ahead on house stuff. Not ahead, but keep up even. Sparkley houses are over rated. so there. Have a great weekend!

Bird Flu?

I am one of those people, that if I hear about some new rare Disease, I instantly develop symptoms. No matter how illogical it seems. No, I don't think I have bird flu, but the recent news on it has me uneasy. I had coffee w/ friends tonight, and we were talking about it. I have been avoiding stories about it b/c of how I am, but couldn't avoid this conversation. And I try not to be a wuss all the time. I'm worried about this thing. I still haven't checked into it yet, but from what my gf read, we are due for a world-wide pandemic. I can't spell it, sorry. As history goes, every 50 yrs or so, some sort of illness comes up that cannot be stopped, and zillions of people die. Scientists believe that this is it. Right now, the only way this thing is spread is from birds to people. Like chicken farmers. When humans get it, 70% die from it. Dr.'s believe that it will only be a matter of time before the virus mutates and figures out how to jump from person to person, and it will be airborne. Oh shit. There is no cure as of now. They are working on it, but they say there will not be enough medicine in the world for everyone when this thing strikes. And to make it worse, it is now in Iraq. Our soldiers are in Iraq, coming back and fourth from that country to ours. It could be a matter of days before we have the first cases of bird flu here in the U.S. Oh shit indeed. I'm freaking out about this. This thing started in China. What the hell is up w/ China? SARS started there, and now this? What are they doing over there that all of these illness' are being formed there? Is it b/c of how many people there? Isn't China the most populated country in the world? My friend lives in China.. I should ask him about it. I would imagine that he would know something about it. He lives in a huge city, but it is not well known, and tourists never go there. 7 million people live there. And that's just one city. Unbelievable. It seems that every day, there are more things in the world that become scary to me. I've joked about running away w/ my family to some unknown, unpopulated destination. Without cars, phones, TV's, computers, other people. Something uncivilized. I don't know if I could do it. I would have to bring a few extended family members, and some friends, but I'd want to start over. Live off the land. Even then, something would come up. As big as this world is, it is less and less likely to find a spot like that. And even if we did, someone would own it. Is there any free land left in the world? Doesn't seem like it. It would be nice though. Perhaps the moon? Who owns the moon? Or the other planets in our solar system? Do you think if those places/planets were livable, that you would have to pay someone to stay there? Or that it would be illegal b/c it was not regulated by the government of some place? Who decides that crap anyway? Don't mind my ranting, I'll be back to my right mind again tomorrow :)

By the way- blogger is being an asshole! It would publish my last 2 posts until this morning. I didn't get any comments till this morning either. I wasn't ignoring them :) I also forgot to mention that my baby is pulling herself up now! AWWWW. And I talked to my friend in China about the bird flu. His input was to stay away from sneezing birds. lol. nice. There you have it.

When we got to my mom's house last night, she acted as if nothing ever happened. Later, she finally said " i wasn't mad at you, i never was, and i didn't call b/c i knew you were mad, so i figured you'd call when you were over it." OK, then. No sense in bringing it back up. I'd feel better if I talked to her more about it, but there isn't any point. I'm sure my weirdness w/ her will ware off soon. I don't like that feeling. Tension in the air, or just the feeling that things are not quiet right. It will pass. She was too mad. She was yelling in my ear, but whatever.
I'm really far behind on housework! I wanted to get all sorts of stuff done yesterday, but all I accomplished was laundry. My house is still dusty and dirty. Ick. I have NO motivation to get it done. None at all. I'd much rather nap. I've been super tired for the last week. I haven't a clue as to why that is. I can only imagine it has something to do w/ PMS. I hope. I hope I'm not preggos. That would be rough. Hubs and I are always cautious, but there was one time this last month that we got carried away. Hmmm. That's freaking me out, so I'm going to stop thinking about it. I'm sure its just PMS. Yep. Just PMS.
I'm pretty boring today. Nothing interesting happening in the blue household. I'm going to try and get something done before I have to pick kids up from school :) Happy day to all.

What a fun weekend! It was very busy, but great fun. Friday night was our last poker game. Yea! I'm soooo happy about that. No more poker on Friday nights.... I'm looking fwd to our first free Friday this week. Because it was our last game here, I decided to play. I haven't been playing for the last 3 weeks or more. I won! Woohoo! What a way to go out. I won $375. Nice, real nice. AND, hubs played in the cash game, and he won $700!! Holy crap! I was so excited. That NEVER has happened before. It was defiantly a good way to end our poker nights.
Saturday we took the kids out for breakfast, and did grocery shopping and other errands during the day. I went out w/ some girlfriends later that night. We had the best time! We had dinner first, at a very cute little restaurant in East town. Good food, and inexpensive. I wanted to go have a few beers, but we weren't sure where to go. Someone came up w/ the idea of taking a tour of west side dive bars. So fun! We found some charming dives :) And being that they were dives, the beer was CHEAP! $1.80 at one place. It was a good time, spent w/ good company. I could do that more often! Yesterday, we went to a friend's house to watch the superbowl. My team didn't win :( It was a good weekend for sure.
This week is not nearly as busy as the last have been. I'm going to try to catch up on housework. I need to dust like what! I talked to my mom today. That was awkward. My kids wanted to talk to her, they've missed her. I called her and gave them the phone. She invited the kids over tonight after she gets out of work. Max handed me the phone, and she just confirmed that I was bringing them, that was all. I don't know if I'm suppose to just drop them off for a few hours, or if I'm suppose to stay. And I don't know if she wants Jade as well, or only the older kids. But clarifying that would mean more talking. I'd rather not. One awkward exchange is enough for this morning! We will see what happens later. Have a good day!