Better

I'm doing better! The rest of the weekend went by w/o incident :) Phew. I was glad for that. Jade's rash is getting better as well. Today I went to see a specialist about my skin. I was kind of nervous thinking that he was going to tell me something different from my family doctor, like I had some sort of flesh eating bacteria. Eww! But he didn't. I indeed have psoriasis, just as my family doc said. But my family doc said that there was very little to be done about it, which was discouraging. I decided to get a second opinion, and I'm so glad! Psoriasis is a genetic thing- I didn't know that. I knew very little about it actually. Talking to the new dr. really made me feel better. There are things that can be done to help. They hooked me up w/ a bunch of stuff for my skin, and set up a treatment program that includes UV rays. Even though I have a bad kind, bad b/c it can cover your whole body, it is more easily treatable than others. They assured me that they can clear me up!!!!! Not to say I won't have another flare up. Flare ups can be caused by any number of things, like hormones, stress, illness. But when it happens, it can be fixed back up. I'm so relieved! For the first time this month, I feel hopeful, and much less like a monster of sorts. No, it isn't that you would see me and scream, but it looks like chicken pox or something on my arms. To anyone else, it prly wouldn't seem so bad, but to me, it seems awful. My treatment started today, and I have to go there 3 times a week to begin with. They are so nice there. I can bring my kids along. There is a toy room there for them to play with, and the nurse's are all willing to hold the baby. The UV thing I get in looks like a hexagon tanner. Basically, I get a sunburn. The lights combined w/ the lotions, should have me mostly clear within 5-6 weeks. Yay! I was worried about the doctor, b/c I just picked him out of the phone book, but it turns out that he is one of the leading researchers in the country, and on the board at U of M. Not only is he a leader in this field, but he himself also suffers with it. So do most of the nurses. They understand the emotional toll this has been taking on me, and the physical too. Not just medically, but from personal experience. It's a comfort to me in so many ways to know I'm in good hands, and I'm not gross, or alone. I'm excited to see a difference. Oh, and my insurance covers it!!!! Woohoooo. Also good. I picked up the prescriptions today, and all but one were covered. The one that wasn't cost a fortune! $165.00! WHOA. But its worth it to me to win back some of my self image. I know that the outside isn't what matters, and anyone else w/ any skin problems I wouldn't view as gross in any way, but when I was put in the situation, I saw it completely different. I feel ugly, gross, and like people are staring- but they're not. I know that as well, but it doesn't ease how I feel. You always view yourself so much differently than other would. This has been an eye opening experience for me. Its hard to decide to love yourself from the inside out, but I'm working on it. I want to set a good example for my kids, especially the girls. I'm going to keep working on that, but I'm also going to improve the outside. Not b/c I have an outrageous need to be perfect, but I want to be able to say 'I look ok today'. And even if I don't, I still want to be ok with it. I've never had issues w/ how I look. Ever. Sure, I've wanted to be thinner, or wished my hair straight, or curly (it was both at different times), but other than that, I've always been ok w/ me. Just as I am. I wouldn't want to change my features, or a get a new face/butt/boobs whatever. Until now. I'd still like to be thinner (working on that too), but having this rash has really stung me in a place I didn't know existed. I am thrilled w/ the new doctor, and very much looking forward to treatments! OH, and GUESS WHAT?! Hubs and I are going away, TOGETHER, WITH NO CHILDREN FOR A WHOLE NIGT!!!!! I can't wait. We haven't gone away for a night together, alone for more than 3 years! More on that later.

UNREAL

AHHHHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAAAHHHH! Its been one of those weeks!I haven't updated b/c my computer has been broken, or at least not working well. This week has been so busy! We've had something going on every night, and my days are spent doing mommy type stuff. LET me tell you about my day. Today started off alright- got up early (before 6) and started getting some things done. Dropped Avery off at school, and headed to the grocery store. I can't remember what happened in b/w that time, but it was starting to get a bit crazy w/ kids and what not. I pick Max up from school, along w/ 2 other kids, every day. Today I packed up the girls, and headed towards school. After FOREVER behind all the other soccer moms, we made it home. One of the car pool kids thought he had lost his glove in the backseat. I hopped out, along with the big kids, leaving Jade in her carseat. Couldn't find the glove, closed the van door, and said goodbye to the car pool kids. Then I hear "click". Oh shit. The van locked, all by itself for NO REASON with my baby still in the car! Of course I left my keys in it, and why would I have a spare set? That would be much too convient. Hubs has the only spare key, and he was still working an hour away. I called 911, who patched me through to the fire department. The nice firemen came and got my baby out for me. Nothing like locking your baby in the car to make you feel like a stellar mother. Nice seeing all the neighbor's crane their necks to see why the fire rescue vehicle is in my driveway. Because I'm the best mom ever, duh. That's why they are here. Meanwhile, poor baby. She's on an antibiotic to clear up a sinus infection, which causes mad crazy diarrhea. Her biscuits were tender already, and she pooped while locked in my car. So she had to sit in it. OH NO. When I got her in the house to change her, her poor little business was all raw, swollen, and almost bleeding! She screamed like I've never heard her scream before. It was terrible. When hubs got home, he was kind of crabby, and so was I, so that didn't go very smoothly. AND I was late for work to top it all off. what a day. I don't have any more time, but hopefully my computer will stop being an asshole, and I can update again tomorrow!

Surprise!

My mom's surprise party was great fun. She was clueless the entire time! It's more than rare for her to be speechless, but she was, for at least a few minutes. It was fun to watch all the different emotions play out on her face. First confusion, then shock, then laughter (including a few snorts), and then tears. Lots of friends showed up, even friends that she hasn't seen in years. This is the first time I can remember my mom having a birthday party, ever. She always has had them for my SD, and for my bro and I, but never for her. It was awesome.
The rest of this weekend is going to be quiet. Hubs is gone to a poker game tonight. I'm planning on ordering a veggie pizza (I only get them when hubs is gone. He won't eat them), and watching a few Disney movies w/ the kids. I don't want to go anywhere. Its friggn' FREEZING here right now. It is 1* F right now, but w/ the wind chill factored in, it feels like -17 F, so says the weather man. Really cold. I ran a few errands this morning, and Avery was playing in the yard when I got home. I can't believe hubs let her outside, or that she wanted to. She had on all the proper gear, but damn! Too cold! The weather has been nuts lately. On Thursday, we had winter snow advisory, thunder storms, tornado watch, ice storm advisory, and a high wind warning! Not right at all. Thunder storms and tornado watches in Feb? Only in MI. It's suppose to warm back up in the 20's tomorrow. Nice, time to bust out the BBQ.
Other than that... Not much going on. I still feel ugly. I'm trying to work on it, but its tough right now. I don't like watching my skin flare up w/ nothing to be done about it. I just hope it settles back down sooner than later. I'd really hate to be a hermit. I'm going to start tanning this week. That's suppose to help. And I'm heading to the doc this week as well. Stupid psriorsis. I can't spell. I was reading that after you give birth, or stop nursing, within a few months, it can get worse. And it so did. It didn't act up like this w/ my other kids. Not that I can remember. But then again, I didn't start thinking about it, or worry about it until this last year. Up until then, I just thought I had dry skin. And of course, I worry about everything WAY more now than I did when I was younger. And winter does make it worse, and so does lack of sunshine. Which we had like 2 sunny days in an entire month. The doc never has anything new to say about it, but now that I'm not nursing, there should be more treatment options for me. I certainly hope so! I fear I'll turn into a lizard. I'm actually more fortunate than most, and I need to keep reminding myself of that. Mine is not nearly as severe as most. I need to stop worrying about it, and being petty. Maybe I need some anti-depressants. Or a little no-more-paranoia. That would be helpful. I'm rambling on and getting carried away. Bah. Enjoy the rest of the weekend!

Ugly.

We had a nice night last night. The food was great, and I was so excited to get my kids to bed! They've been a bit of a handful this week- all of them. Not sure what's going on w/ the baby, but she's been higher maintenance this week, and M and A are whiny and full of complaints. Ick. J's been waking up at night. Seems like exactly 1/2 hr after I fall into the good sleep. I let her go for 15 min or so, and if she doesn't settle down, I go in and rub her back. That used to work. Doesn't now. I think part of it is that she's pulling herself up in her crib now. Once she gets into the standing position, I don't think she knows how to get back down. So instead of laying back down to sleep, she just stands there. Grr. 3 nights in a row now. I would like some sleep please.
I have a ton of shit to do today, and I can't seem to fit it all in. Hubs wants me to put some stuff together for him, house needs to be picked up, baby needs a nap, and I have to get to the store to buy a bunch of food for my mom's surprise party this Friday. The news is saying that we are suppose to have a terrible ice/snow storm tomorrow, and if that's the case, I don't want to go out in it! But by the time J gets her nap in, it's time to pick M up from school, and hubs parent are coming over at 5...... How do I fit it in?! Irritating. And all this food for my mom's party, I don't know if my step-dad is going to pay me back for. I don't have a lot of extra money, and buying food for 40-50 people, plus a cake is expensive! I feel like a schmuck asking my SD about it, but he asked me to get it.... Awkward.. Maybe I'll just give him the receipt and hope for the best.
I've been feeling UGLY lately. Really ugly. I've never had a flawless complexion before, but at least I felt comfortable enough to run around w/ out putting make up on. Not so much lately. I've had this rash on my forehead for the last few weeks, and it's bright, so I don't want to leave the house w/o 4 pds of make-up on. Last night I didn't have time to run errands and put make-up on, so I just left, but I was so self conscious! I wore a stocking hat pulled down to my eyebrows. After the first stop, I knew it was silly, so I took it off. But on my next 2 stops, I was watching faces intently looking for the "OH MY GOSH! WHAT THE HELL IS ON HER FACE!" look. I think I was checking too intently and they thought me to be physco. B/C they didn't seem to want to make eye contact, or maybe it was the rash. I'm thankful to report that it looks better today, and is starting to go away. I will never again take a mediocre complexion for granted!
I'm going to try and get the baby down for her nap and pick up. JUST maybe I can fit all of this shit in still in the next 4 hrs. We shall see.

OH!! And do you know the song 'just call me Angel in the morning, baabbby. Just touch my cheek before you leave me, baaby' Who sings it? Chicken and I were trying to figure it out last night. Yesterday I was singing " Just call me ugly in the morning baaby" and the song has been stuck on repeat in my brain since then, not the ugly version, but the original.

Happy Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day.. I'm not a fan of V-day. Hubs and I don't really celebrate it. We don't exchange gifts for sure. We are going to do something a little special tonight- we are putting the kids to bed early, and ordering in Chinese food. Yummy! Cuddle up on the couch and watch American Idol. That is our favorite date. We have more fun doing that than going anywhere. I'm looking fwd to it.
I haven't posted in a few days b/c I have nothing to say. It's been pretty uneventful around here. I got my house clean, finally. I'm trying to stay on top of it this week. It's frustrating to watch slip back into mess.
Have you heard someone say 'I can't help how I feel'? Do you believe that to be true? I don't think I do. I suppose it matters in what circumstance. I've been reading a blog recently where the spouse left one for another, and things aren't perfect in the new relationship- there's some of the "i can't help how I feel". It's easy to get caught up in how you feel, I'm guilty of it as well (in other things, not my spouse and others), but I very well think what we feel can be helped, and changed depending on your viewpoint. Do you agree? Interesting what I've heard from friends and others. I'd like a few more. Comment if you please, and LURKERS, now would be a great time to pop in and say hello. :)

Oh- and blogger still sucks! I haven't been getting all my comments again! Sorry, I'll get to you when I get them!

Your Stripper Song Is

Super Freak by Rick James "That girl is pretty wild now The girl's a super freak The kind of girl you read about In new-wave magazine" Freaky? Yes. But you're also pretty darn funny.

What Song Should You Strip To?

Hmmmm. I suppose so. Super Freak it is! hahahahahahaha. Super Freak right here for your reading pleasure.And just so you know, I would NEVER strip in a million years. Not even for ass loads of money. Not that anyone would be willing to pay to see it. But that's not the point here. :D

Not a lot is going on. My daughter was a jerk today. She did nothing but whine, scream and make mess' today. For example, we had chips w/ lunch. She dumped them on the table, smashed them into pieces w/ her fist, and then wiped them onto the floor. Grr. They were making forts in the living room, so when they were done, I went in to restore order (or close to it). I refolded all the throws, put cushions and pillows back, picked up the 846 books they scattered about. I walked off to do something w/ the baby, and when I came back- destroyed, again. Bah. Then she got mad at her brother and started screaming at her brother. The baby was napping at this time. I run in to see what's going on, and she begins to tell me the nonsense tale again in shrill shrieking loud-as-all-hell tones. I told her 2 or 3 times to quiet down, and then finally busted out w/ the "SHUT UP". Oops. I've never told her to shut up. Always proving myself to be the 'Best mom Ever'. Of course she woke up the baby. AND THEN, when I went to do her hair, she dumped the contents of the hair basket stuff holder. Which is full of barrets, pony holder, clips, and other pretties. Thousands of them. I had to work at my son's school today, so needless to say, I left in a huff, and my house completely torn the fuck up. It is a nasty mess. and I don't want to fix it. !!!!!!! Ever.

The older kids are spending the night w/ my parents tonight, so I suppose I can put things back to rights. I'm having one of those weeks, that I just can't seem to get ahead on house stuff. Not ahead, but keep up even. Sparkley houses are over rated. so there. Have a great weekend!

Bird Flu?

I am one of those people, that if I hear about some new rare Disease, I instantly develop symptoms. No matter how illogical it seems. No, I don't think I have bird flu, but the recent news on it has me uneasy. I had coffee w/ friends tonight, and we were talking about it. I have been avoiding stories about it b/c of how I am, but couldn't avoid this conversation. And I try not to be a wuss all the time. I'm worried about this thing. I still haven't checked into it yet, but from what my gf read, we are due for a world-wide pandemic. I can't spell it, sorry. As history goes, every 50 yrs or so, some sort of illness comes up that cannot be stopped, and zillions of people die. Scientists believe that this is it. Right now, the only way this thing is spread is from birds to people. Like chicken farmers. When humans get it, 70% die from it. Dr.'s believe that it will only be a matter of time before the virus mutates and figures out how to jump from person to person, and it will be airborne. Oh shit. There is no cure as of now. They are working on it, but they say there will not be enough medicine in the world for everyone when this thing strikes. And to make it worse, it is now in Iraq. Our soldiers are in Iraq, coming back and fourth from that country to ours. It could be a matter of days before we have the first cases of bird flu here in the U.S. Oh shit indeed. I'm freaking out about this. This thing started in China. What the hell is up w/ China? SARS started there, and now this? What are they doing over there that all of these illness' are being formed there? Is it b/c of how many people there? Isn't China the most populated country in the world? My friend lives in China.. I should ask him about it. I would imagine that he would know something about it. He lives in a huge city, but it is not well known, and tourists never go there. 7 million people live there. And that's just one city. Unbelievable. It seems that every day, there are more things in the world that become scary to me. I've joked about running away w/ my family to some unknown, unpopulated destination. Without cars, phones, TV's, computers, other people. Something uncivilized. I don't know if I could do it. I would have to bring a few extended family members, and some friends, but I'd want to start over. Live off the land. Even then, something would come up. As big as this world is, it is less and less likely to find a spot like that. And even if we did, someone would own it. Is there any free land left in the world? Doesn't seem like it. It would be nice though. Perhaps the moon? Who owns the moon? Or the other planets in our solar system? Do you think if those places/planets were livable, that you would have to pay someone to stay there? Or that it would be illegal b/c it was not regulated by the government of some place? Who decides that crap anyway? Don't mind my ranting, I'll be back to my right mind again tomorrow :)

By the way- blogger is being an asshole! It would publish my last 2 posts until this morning. I didn't get any comments till this morning either. I wasn't ignoring them :) I also forgot to mention that my baby is pulling herself up now! AWWWW. And I talked to my friend in China about the bird flu. His input was to stay away from sneezing birds. lol. nice. There you have it.

When we got to my mom's house last night, she acted as if nothing ever happened. Later, she finally said " i wasn't mad at you, i never was, and i didn't call b/c i knew you were mad, so i figured you'd call when you were over it." OK, then. No sense in bringing it back up. I'd feel better if I talked to her more about it, but there isn't any point. I'm sure my weirdness w/ her will ware off soon. I don't like that feeling. Tension in the air, or just the feeling that things are not quiet right. It will pass. She was too mad. She was yelling in my ear, but whatever.
I'm really far behind on housework! I wanted to get all sorts of stuff done yesterday, but all I accomplished was laundry. My house is still dusty and dirty. Ick. I have NO motivation to get it done. None at all. I'd much rather nap. I've been super tired for the last week. I haven't a clue as to why that is. I can only imagine it has something to do w/ PMS. I hope. I hope I'm not preggos. That would be rough. Hubs and I are always cautious, but there was one time this last month that we got carried away. Hmmm. That's freaking me out, so I'm going to stop thinking about it. I'm sure its just PMS. Yep. Just PMS.
I'm pretty boring today. Nothing interesting happening in the blue household. I'm going to try and get something done before I have to pick kids up from school :) Happy day to all.

What a fun weekend! It was very busy, but great fun. Friday night was our last poker game. Yea! I'm soooo happy about that. No more poker on Friday nights.... I'm looking fwd to our first free Friday this week. Because it was our last game here, I decided to play. I haven't been playing for the last 3 weeks or more. I won! Woohoo! What a way to go out. I won $375. Nice, real nice. AND, hubs played in the cash game, and he won $700!! Holy crap! I was so excited. That NEVER has happened before. It was defiantly a good way to end our poker nights.
Saturday we took the kids out for breakfast, and did grocery shopping and other errands during the day. I went out w/ some girlfriends later that night. We had the best time! We had dinner first, at a very cute little restaurant in East town. Good food, and inexpensive. I wanted to go have a few beers, but we weren't sure where to go. Someone came up w/ the idea of taking a tour of west side dive bars. So fun! We found some charming dives :) And being that they were dives, the beer was CHEAP! $1.80 at one place. It was a good time, spent w/ good company. I could do that more often! Yesterday, we went to a friend's house to watch the superbowl. My team didn't win :( It was a good weekend for sure.
This week is not nearly as busy as the last have been. I'm going to try to catch up on housework. I need to dust like what! I talked to my mom today. That was awkward. My kids wanted to talk to her, they've missed her. I called her and gave them the phone. She invited the kids over tonight after she gets out of work. Max handed me the phone, and she just confirmed that I was bringing them, that was all. I don't know if I'm suppose to just drop them off for a few hours, or if I'm suppose to stay. And I don't know if she wants Jade as well, or only the older kids. But clarifying that would mean more talking. I'd rather not. One awkward exchange is enough for this morning! We will see what happens later. Have a good day!