Better

I'm doing better! The rest of the weekend went by w/o incident :) Phew. I was glad for that. Jade's rash is getting better as well. Today I went to see a specialist about my skin. I was kind of nervous thinking that he was going to tell me something different from my family doctor, like I had some sort of flesh eating bacteria. Eww! But he didn't. I indeed have psoriasis, just as my family doc said. But my family doc said that there was very little to be done about it, which was discouraging. I decided to get a second opinion, and I'm so glad! Psoriasis is a genetic thing- I didn't know that. I knew very little about it actually. Talking to the new dr. really made me feel better. There are things that can be done to help. They hooked me up w/ a bunch of stuff for my skin, and set up a treatment program that includes UV rays. Even though I have a bad kind, bad b/c it can cover your whole body, it is more easily treatable than others. They assured me that they can clear me up!!!!! Not to say I won't have another flare up. Flare ups can be caused by any number of things, like hormones, stress, illness. But when it happens, it can be fixed back up. I'm so relieved! For the first time this month, I feel hopeful, and much less like a monster of sorts. No, it isn't that you would see me and scream, but it looks like chicken pox or something on my arms. To anyone else, it prly wouldn't seem so bad, but to me, it seems awful. My treatment started today, and I have to go there 3 times a week to begin with. They are so nice there. I can bring my kids along. There is a toy room there for them to play with, and the nurse's are all willing to hold the baby. The UV thing I get in looks like a hexagon tanner. Basically, I get a sunburn. The lights combined w/ the lotions, should have me mostly clear within 5-6 weeks. Yay! I was worried about the doctor, b/c I just picked him out of the phone book, but it turns out that he is one of the leading researchers in the country, and on the board at U of M. Not only is he a leader in this field, but he himself also suffers with it. So do most of the nurses. They understand the emotional toll this has been taking on me, and the physical too. Not just medically, but from personal experience. It's a comfort to me in so many ways to know I'm in good hands, and I'm not gross, or alone. I'm excited to see a difference. Oh, and my insurance covers it!!!! Woohoooo. Also good. I picked up the prescriptions today, and all but one were covered. The one that wasn't cost a fortune! $165.00! WHOA. But its worth it to me to win back some of my self image. I know that the outside isn't what matters, and anyone else w/ any skin problems I wouldn't view as gross in any way, but when I was put in the situation, I saw it completely different. I feel ugly, gross, and like people are staring- but they're not. I know that as well, but it doesn't ease how I feel. You always view yourself so much differently than other would. This has been an eye opening experience for me. Its hard to decide to love yourself from the inside out, but I'm working on it. I want to set a good example for my kids, especially the girls. I'm going to keep working on that, but I'm also going to improve the outside. Not b/c I have an outrageous need to be perfect, but I want to be able to say 'I look ok today'. And even if I don't, I still want to be ok with it. I've never had issues w/ how I look. Ever. Sure, I've wanted to be thinner, or wished my hair straight, or curly (it was both at different times), but other than that, I've always been ok w/ me. Just as I am. I wouldn't want to change my features, or a get a new face/butt/boobs whatever. Until now. I'd still like to be thinner (working on that too), but having this rash has really stung me in a place I didn't know existed. I am thrilled w/ the new doctor, and very much looking forward to treatments! OH, and GUESS WHAT?! Hubs and I are going away, TOGETHER, WITH NO CHILDREN FOR A WHOLE NIGT!!!!! I can't wait. We haven't gone away for a night together, alone for more than 3 years! More on that later.