My midnight hospital adventure.

Wed. night I woke up just before 2am w/ terrible pain! I couldn't figure out what it was. I walked around for awhile, got a glass of water.. Nothing helped, and it continued to get worse. I called the doctor, b/c I started to worry that I was having a heart attack. I could feel it from just under my boobs, down to the bottom of my ribs, and all the way across into my back. My doctor told me I should go to the ER. I woke hubs up and told him something was wrong. He wanted to call his parents to come over and sit w/ the kids, so he could take me. There is a med center right down the street from us, so I told him that I didn't want to wake anyone up, not knowing what it was, and I'll only be down the street, so if it is something serious, I'll call you and you can come down. I hate the idea of waking people up in the middle of the night. I got to the med center, and of course it was closed! Bah! I didn't know they had changed the hours. But, since I was already in the car, I didn't want to drive back home, get hubs up, and wait for his parents, so I had the very bright idea to drive myself. Halfway to the hospital, I realized that was a stupid idea! The pain was so intense I thought I was going to pass out. I just drove faster, praying I'd make it w/o passing out. When I got there, I could hardly walk, hardly talk, all I could do was cry. I have NEVER felt like that before, ever. It hurt more than labor. They didn't want to give me anything for pain until I talked to the 28 different people about where it was, and what my symptoms were, and what I was doing earlier that evening. Why don't they just take notes and pass them on? Seems retarded to leave me dying on the table while they all ask the same stupid questions! The pain was really weird. It'd kind of settle down into a dull ache, and then waves of intense pain would overwhelm me, until I threw up. There is nothing more humiliating than puking into a bucket, crying, and having 3-5 strangers standing around staring at you. After some blood work, and an ultrasound, they found that my gallbladder was to blame. I have an infection, and a stone. After they figured out what was causing it, they gave me some medicine to stop the vomiting, and a pain killer that was 8 times more powerful than morphine. Yikes! But it did the trick. It didn't make me feel floaty or loopy, but just sleepy. I can deal w/ sleepy, just not anything else. I have to see a surgeon on Tuesday to talk about removing it. Since then, I've been fine, no pain or weird stomach issues. Thank God! I don't ever want to experience that again. EVER. I was doing some research online today, and do you know what one of the causes of gallbladder disease is?? Rapid weight loss. Holy shit. That's the only thing that I've done differently the last few months, and I've never had any problems up to this point. I suppose I could fit the others as well, but that's the one that jumped out at me. The others are all F's. Fat, Female, Fertile, and Fourty. I fit the first 3, but not the last. And as for Fat, I'm currently 18 pds overweight, so I don't know if that makes a difference now, or if this is something that happens over time. Not sure on that, but you can bet your ass that I'm going to have a few things to say to my weight loss place. I thought that I've been healthy about this, and smart. They are nutritionists! They should warn you about losing too quickly. Here I am patting myself on the back, but what if I just screwed something up forever? Its very possible that I'll be having one of my organs removed. Irritating! I'll keep y'all updated on what I find out. Have a good weekend!

Just Because...

Just Because I felt like post pictures of my sweet baby J when she was a new born. I was reading
Grody Jo-dee's blog earlier, and she had made a card for her evil MIL w/ her babies feet on it. Her MIL made some rude comments about the babies feet. I love baby feet! Went through some of my pics, and found some to post. Here's to cute baby feet everywhere :) And the other one is just a picture I love. She looks so peaceful in it. I can't believe she's one :(
I'm taking a diet brake today and tomorrow. Don't worry, I'm not going to gorge or over do it. I just want to be able to eat normal for a minute. I'll go back to my plan as of Thursday. Honest. I was going to start the take off 2 day thing tomorrow, but we have friend's coming for dinner. It would suck big ass for me. So I'm putting it off for a day. I feel guilty. Anyway, good night to all!

HEY. Is it possible for a bone in your hand to come out of place w/o much pain? I have a sore spot on the inside of my hand, just under my middle finger. From the surface, it looks fine. But when I rubbed it, I felt something poking out in there! Like an itty bitty bone or something. My hand is fully functional. It just bothers me when I flex my hand out straight. What is that? Or could it be?

That was a weird funeral. The service was really nice, and very touching. The luncheon afterwards is where the weird comes in. They were serving beer, and they had a DJ. People were dancing. I must say, that is the first time I have been to a funeral like that! I was talking to hubs about it, and he said "yeah, it comes off kind of strange, but isn't that how you want to be remembered? When I go, I want my family and friends to celebrate my life, to miss me, sure, but not by being sad." I guess so. It would be nice to be remembered that. Perhaps the family will start a new trend. Have funerals be more like wedding receptions. It was great to see all of my Aunt's and Uncle's, cousin's too. I never see that side of the family, ever. Most of them have never even met my kids. I thing I need to do something to remedy that. Love em or hate em', which I have both, family is family, right? You don't get to pick. I shouldn't say hate them, b/c I don't hate any of them. There are a few that creep me out. Like my Aunt T. She's only a year older than I am, and she's a meth head. Creeps me out every time I see her. Now her teeth are all jacked up. Like Smeegal from Lord of the Rings. They are little jagged things, and black all the way around. ick. I don't get it. It's now physically obvious, you think she get a clue and stop w/ the drugs. I don't for the life of me, understand drug addiction. Her sister is the same. They were no longer allowed to be at my grandpa and step gma's house (she's who died) b/c they were stealing her pain medication. What in the hell is wrong w/ those women?! Their own mother was dying, and suffering, and had terrible pain, but they are so fucked up, the stole from her. Unbelievable! So far gone they have respect for nothing, for no one, only the great buzz. Heaven help them. But, other than the 2 of them, most everyone else is normal. We just kind of fell apart after my grandma died, 7 years ago. There have been no more family get togethers, holidays, anything. That's the other thing, my grandma died 7 years ago, and my grandpa remarried a few years later, my step-gma was my gma's best friend. And now she died. My grandpa has been widowed twice now, in less than a decade. That's hard to take. B (step gma) has been around my entire life. I spent a lot of time with her, and my Aunt T(the meth head), when I was young. T and I were close as kids. B has always been apart of the family. B had T w/ my gma's first husband. I don't know how they managed to pull together a friendship after that, but they did. Needless to say, when grandpa married B, it stirred up a lot of family drama. My Uncle's were pissed! That probably had something to do w/ the family falling apart. anyway, my family history is much too complicated, and gives me a headache. Time to move on.
I weighed in today, and no change. I'm going on a 2 day take off plan that should hopefully get things moving again. I should lose 3-5 pounds in the next few days. Woohooo! Brings me that much closer to my goal. The 2 day plan is not pleasant. I'll basically be starving. I can only eat a very few items, and I have to drink this special juice. But they say that when our weightloss levels out, you need to reboot your metabolism. We'll see how it goes. I weigh in again on Thursday, I'll be sure to let you know.
My beautiful baby is beginning to talk more! She now says 'mommy, dada, baba, baby, uh-oh, bye bye, no, and hi'. I love it. She can even tell Jack(the dog) off now. He was licking her feet, and kind of nipping at them, so I said "NO JACK!" He came back a few minutes later to do it again, and baby j looked down and said "nnnnnnoooooooo!" ha! It was really cute. I love watching them figure new things out! I haven't taken her bottle away yet. I tried, but decided not to. I know, I'm a wuss. I can't help myself. She's my baby. I'll get to it, I just want to wait till she's more comfortable w/ a cup. Almost there.
I had a physical the other day. I'm happy to report that I'm as healthy as an ox. Hopefully soon I won't be the same size as one :) This post is really LONG. And full of rambling. Sorry about that. Have a good day all.

Another Funeral

I went to a funeral on Thursday. She was my dad's girlfriend. I hadn't met her yet, only spoke to her on the phone. But I went, for my dad. It was a nice funeral, as far as those go. My dad was so sad. He'd only been seeing this lady 4-6 months, but had known her all his life. My step-mom died 2 years ago. This is the first lady he's dated since Jan passed. And now she dies. He's all freaked out now, thinking he's cursed or something. Poor guy. THEN, dad called yesterday to tell me that my step-grandma died. We knew that was coming, but I didn't think it would be so soon. She had cancer, everywhere. It started in her ovaries, and when it was found, it was already stage 4. If you know anything about that type of cancer, you know the odds are not good. But it went into remission, and came back in her breasts, then to her liver, lungs, bones, and brain. It was bad. I would not want to leave this world that way. Too much suffering, and that's exactly what she did. She suffered, terribly. It's a blessing that she passed. But now I have another funeral to go to tomorrow. 2 funerals in the same week is a new record for me. Have you ever heard that saying that they go in 3's? Yikes. Now I'll be worried and paranoid for the next few weeks.
Enough of that. I still haven't caught up on all my house work. I'm feeling better about it though. I'm not so stressed about it. I'll get to it, when I have time. This week will be busy too. I have to work 2 nights this week, I have a physical tomorrow morning (joy), weigh in 3 times, dermatologist once for my last treatment(yay!) and once to see the doctor, he's going to check out Ave's skin too. I don't know what he's going to tell me. My skin has cleared up like 85-90%, which is amazing, so I don't know if I'll have to continue coming, or if this is as good as it gets. I'm pleased with the outcome! I have been wearing short sleeve shirts for the last 3 weeks. I hadn't dared for an entire 6 weeks before that.
I weighed in last Thursday, drum roll please...... I'm 1/2 way there! I am down 20 pds. HOLY CRAP! I can't believe it! I'll weigh in again tomorrow or Tuesday, and hopefully, I'll have lost 2 more pounds. I'm having a harder time w/ the diet now. I'm sick of restrictions. I know that its working, but I'm tired of it. I want to eat dammit! No worries though, I'm sticking to it. It's very interesting, this weight loss process. I have noticed changes, and have even had a few days where I looked in the mirror, and thought "hey, not too bad". But for the most part, when I look in the mirror, I still see myself the same. I can tell when I get dressed, b/c nothing fits anymore, it all falls off. Or really tight clothes before, are really baggy now. The snug shirts I own are now comfy baggy shirts. But other than that, me personally, I can't tell by looking at my body. Isn't that weird? Do you think once you have body issues, that you always will? Like I'll always see myself as fat. Even when I'm not anymore. Its rare to hear someone talk about how pleased they are w/ their bodies. Especially women. There is always something that could be smaller, or a little more up top. What is that all about? I wonder if I could ever be completely satisfied w/ how I look, or anyone for that matter.
Anyway, time for me to shove off. I need to go pick up my dad, and head to the funeral home. I hate that part. It skeeves me out to look at dead people. Worse when they've been sick, and no longer look like you remember them. When hubs grandpa died, he looked the same, just like he was sleeping. I touched his forehead for some odd reason. DON'T ever do that. It's terrible and disgusting. I was sure I was going to have nightmares for months. I didn't like it before that experience, but since then, my palms get sweaty just thinking about having to go to one of those places. When I die, I think I'm going to request a closed casket. I don't want to freak any of my loved ones out.

I need a pep talk.

I am in need of a pep talk. I just can't seem to accomplish anything. UGH! My house is a big fat messy pit, my calendar is all out of order, and my son's homework is a week late. I need to pull it together! If my girlfriend hadn't called today, I would have completely missed dance pictures this week. Stupid recital anyway. Oh, and there isn't any clean laundry in the house either! WHAT is wrong with me?? I need help.
Hubs was home sick yesterday w/ a stomach bug, Avery had it the night before. Pretty minor, but still. I was coming down w/ it last night, but thankfully, I kicked it before it put me out. I haven't made dinner at all this week yet. Geez. Falling apart over here.
Are any of you digital nerds? I need help in that area too. I have dnld all my pictures from my camera to my computer. I tried to upload them to a picture place online, and they wouldn't except most of them. The message said that they would be too grainy or unclear if developed. I made sure they were all in jpeg format- I don't know how to fix it. My megapixels are set right, so there is no reason that I can come up with why they aren't going through. My baby's entire first year is on my computer. I WANT THOSE pictures. What do I do? How do I find out what's wrong and fix it?
We had to make Jack (my dog) throw up last night. He got into one of the kids Easter baskets. Poor puppy. Chocolate can kill them! It's very bad for them. I called the after hours vet, and they told us to give him 1 TBSP peroxide every 1/2 hr till he threw up. Peroxide? Eww. I couldn't believe that. Gross. By the 2nd TBSP, poor guy yaked. I'm throwing all of the candy OUT! I'm sick of it lying around here, my kids begging for it, and my dog dying for it. Out w/ the candy. All of it!
I have to pick kids up from school in an hour and a half. I've accomplished nothing. I haven't even showered yet. Where's that pep talk? Anyone??

P I C T U R E S

Here are a few for you :) I have lots to blog about, but no time for now. Hope to soon!

The curse of the camera.

I took pictures this weekend, w/ my grandma's camera. Worked wonderfully. Went to upload them today, and the damn batteries died!!!!!!!!!! I put new ones in, and they drained right away. Piss. That's what's been happening with my own camera, and why I didn't use it. Now this one. Blasted cameras. So sorry, no pictures for you, yet.
The birthday party was great! And I didn't shed a tear, can you believe it? I couldn't. She had a great time, and looked beautiful w/ cake up her nose :) I had a better turn out than I was expecting! It was wonderful.
Saturday we took the kids to an Easter Egg hunt, and they had a blast. Hung out w/ the inlaws Saturday night. Hubs and the kids camped out in the backyard that night too. The kids loved it!
We had a nice Easter too. We spent time w/ my side of the family all afternoon, went home and took a nap. Ahh. I love naps. Hubs and I watched Walk the Line last night, and we really liked it.
I finally finished cleaning out my storage room. What a pain in the ass. Now I have the undesirable task of moving all kid toys from the rest of our house, into that room. They have so much stuff! I need to get rid of a ton. I hope to accomplish that by the end of the day today. I have to go out /w my mom and grandma tonight. I generally look forward to such an outing, but I don't feel like it tonight. My mom's been on my nerves. Another day for that.
Avery threw up in her bed last night. ICK. I think it was due to the amount of junk she ate yesterday. So far today, no problem. I've been hanging out at home all day though, just in case. Keep your fingers crossed for me! Have a good day.

Weigh In

Hello. Today is my baby's 1rst birthday. (sniff sniff). I can't believe its been a year. I don't know what it is about that 1rst birthday, but it makes me cry. A lot. More than the other ones, even though I cry on those too. It seems like the end of babyhood. I know its not, but there's just something about that milestone. She's not walking yet (yay!), and not even attempting to take steps (yay again). She walks along the furniture, and she can stand on her own w/o holding on to anything, so I suppose its a only a matter of time. But I love it! Both my older two were walking by their first birthday. When my older kids turned 1, I just packed up the bottles, that was it. But, I don't want to take the bottle away yet, not with Jade. I wonder if its b/c I want to keep her a baby? I know that it's very possible I'll have another baby in a few years, but for some reason, seems like I'm having a hard time letting go. I'm going to take my time w/ the bottle, so there! I'm excited for her party tonight! Some of my girlfriends can make it now! I'm feeling much better about it. I'm running around like a chicken w/ my head cut off, but I'll get it done.
So, the weigh in. Drum roll please........ 3 more pounds! That brings my grand total to 18 pounds bitches! WOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOO. I went shopping last night for new jeans, being that all the ones I currently own no longer fit. I grabbed a pair of the rack in a size I never thought would fit, and they DID!!! I haven't been in that size since my junior year of high school. I'm nearly 1/2 way there. I can't believe how easy this has really been. Yeah, it gets hard sometimes, but overall, not too bad. I'm so excited! I've been in a bit of a slump this week, not being as disciplined as I should. And the new jeans and the weigh in today, really helped. I'm back on a mission! I should really start exercising... I hate exercise. The only form I enjoy is swimming(too cold yet), and rollerblading. The weather has been nice enough for rollerblading, but it's hard to find a time I can go, w/o all 3 of my kids. I have a jogging stroller I can put the baby in, and the other 2 ride bikes, but I'm constantly having to stop. I just need to pencil in time, like I would for a night out or something. I hope things continue to progress w/ exercise. I keep having these fears that I'm just going to stop losing, or that it will slow down to a crawl, and I'll become discouraged. Keep on... We shall see. Pictures will be up over the weekend!

The Basement Dweller

I forgot to mention that my cousin moved in w/ her baby. She moved in last weekend. She lived her a few years ago, before the new baby for nearly a year. We had some issues, but nothing major. We called her basement dweller, or just dweller. So far so good. I'm trying to re-situate my house. Another person and another baby add a whole bunch of junk! She's only going to be her a month(I hope). That was our agreement anyway. We'll see what plays out.
I got a lot accomplished yesterday. We have two storage rooms in our basement, neither of which have any sort of organization. Random furniture, boxes of old stuff that we never got around to donating, and any other misc. item we don't know what to do with. I tore into one yesterday, and is 3/4 of the way finished. I have to get back in there today and put it back to rights, hopefully with enough room left for the rest of the crap in the other one. I tackled the yard today, and our pool area. That's all set. Now if I could just finish the basement, and get a move on in the rest of the house. Company's coming you know. Time for a good scrubbing! I also need to go to the dermatologist today, and the grocery store, oh, and pick kids up from school. I'll see how far I get today, and I hope I won't have much to do tomorrow. I hate rushing around! Makes me grumpy. I'd rather work like a dog today rather than stress tomorrow. Hubs will be home late tonight :( I was hoping for some help. At least I got the yard work done, and the pool area cleaned up. It's so nice outside today! Sunny and 70. Ahhh. I love days like this. I can't wait for summer to get here! Have a good day all.

Some Good and Bad

The weeked went by really fast! Friday I went shopping with Chicken to look for a dress for me. I'm the only one standing up for her. She decided to leave it up to me, color and all, but I thought it'd be a good idea to go see what was out there, and get her input. We decided on a green, silk halter style dress. I don't really know how to describe the color. I think it's like emerald green, but a shade lighter, and very bright. Its really pretty. I bought a size that fits now, but its a bit tight around my ribs. The way the dress falls, it won't matter if I lose 15 more pds before the wedding. It should fit better around my ribs, and you can't see the rest of my body underneath that section anyway. If anything, I might have to have it taken in a bit around the boob/rib area, but I think it will work out great. The color will look great w/ the outside setting. I can't wait! On Friday night, I went shopping with my brother, which is Chicken's groom to be. We went all over looking for the perfect ring. We found it! Last night, he asked our family, and her family to meet up at their house, before Chicken got home from work. I'll let her tell you about the rest. I'm sure she'll post about it. Check her blog later today. It was great! I am so excited about this wedding. I hope the time passes quickly b/w now and then!
And now, for the bad.... I'm feeling sorry for myself today. I do that on occasion. My Jade is turning 1 on Friday. Birthdays are a big deal to me. Especially first birthdays. We have a party planned for Friday night, but most of my friends can't make it. Only one of my good girlfriends can come, and even she can only stay for a little bit. I'm glad she's making the effort to come, and I'm thankful for it. I don't expect the world to drop what they're doing, but it hurts my feelings that only one can spare time for me, and my baby. My parents and grandparents are coming. That will have to be enough. It just bums me out. I have some very close friends, and I try my best to make it to their family things, parties, baptisms, etc. But it isn't something that's returned. And my dad stood me up yesterday. He called and gave me some lame excuse. I'm just feeling really unimportant today, that my feelings don't matter. That neither me nor my kids are important to the people that are important to me.

Weigh In Update

I had to weigh in this morning, and they also did my measurements. I took them myself the other day, and I thought it was nearly 10 inches that I had lost, but it is only 8 1/2 inches, but still great! I'm down 15 pds. Woohooo! I didn't think that it would go this quickly, and I'm super excited about it!
My kids are driving me nuts today. I can't get more than 3 minutes of peace. Every 3 minutes one of them is demanding something, or crying about nonsense. UGH. I've been trying to clean up, and its like they go right behind me going 'oh. I see mom just cleaned. Maybe I should just go and fuck it up again. I bet she'd love it!' BAH. I've been so looking foward to spring break, but I must say, I'm ready for them to go back to school now. Enough. They've been picking on each other, and complaining about EVERYTHING. I think I'm going to kick them outside for the rest of the afternoon. Sounds like a fantastic idea to me!

My New Love :)

I have a new love in my life. His name is Jack, and he's a 10 week old black lab puppy!!! I've always loved dogs, and have had them all of my life, up until I got married. Hubs is not a dog fan. It's not that he doesn't like dogs, more so that he doesn't like dog poop, or chewed up shoes. When we were first married, we had a tiny little house, with no back yard. He told me that when we got a bigger house, with a fenced in back yard, we could get our dog. We've lived here 5 years now. I went to the pet store to see a friend (they own the store), I had no intention of puppy shopping. I asked to see the puppies, just b/c I like them. When they brought Jack out, my heart stopped. I fell helplessly in love. I HAD to have him. Normally, dogs don't have that effect on me. I don't fall in love with just any cute pup. He reminded me of my Molly. Molly was my dog that I had growing up. She was a beautiful Newfoundland. Huge dog, but very smart, and huge heart to go along with her body. She ended up getting bone cancer. We kept her on medication for 4 months or so, but then she all of a sudden lost a bunch of weight. I knew it was her time, but I had a really difficult time making the decision to put her down. I brought her to the vet myself, and laid with her on the floor while they gave her the injection. I stayed there until her last breath, and then for another 45 minutes, weeping hopelessly. I was broken up over it. I cried for nearly a week. I hadn't met a dog yet that made me feel anywhere close to the connection I had with Molly, until I laid eyes on Jack. That dog was meant to be mine. I had a hard time convincing hubs, but he was out voted. The kids fell for Jack to. I've been really happy! I don't enjoy potty training dogs, but its going ok. I'll be glad when this part is over. All dogs are pretty dumb for the first year. Hubs is warming up to him as well. I caught him laying on the floor with Jack, rubbing his belly.
What else is new? I've lost 13 pds now, and nearly 10 inches!!! All of my clothes are loose now. The biggest change I've noticed is my boobs! They've really shrunk! Which isn't a problem, I had some biggins! Now I'm back to my very nice high school bra size. If they shrink anymore, I might get a little worried. Now how 'bout that ass? That could really use some shrinking!
The baby has another new word! She now says 'bye bye'. Aww. Big girl. And she had her first ever grilled cheese sandwich! She loved it. She's been getting brave as well. Now when she pulls herself up, she lets go and just stands there, all by herself. Thank goodness she's not trying to walk yet! I'd like her to wait a bit longer.
Our taxes finally went through. I called social security again, and verified everyone's information. When I found everything was correct there, I called the IRS and verified all there. They too said that all of our info was correct. Then called back our tax lady, and she said she would try again. They went through! Turns out that it was the tax lady's fault all along. She forgot one of the letters in our baby's last name. DUH! That was it? All this time, and all of the phone calls I made to her and everyone else verifying all this information! One letter in our last name, and she's been doing our taxes for 7 years. UGH. Pissed me off. Why wouldn't she check the simple stuff right away? I don't care anymore, I'm just glad that our large lump sum of money will be here this week! Finally!
I'm off to the hospital now. My s-I-l just had a baby. I want to meet my spanking new niece. She was 8pds 12oz and 21 1/2 inches. Her labor started at 10:30 pm, and the baby was born at 2. Nice and short labor and delivery. All her babies were born like that. Pain med free to. She's a brave soul. Have a good day all!