I've been blogging a lot recently about my troubles w/ my daughter. And they continue. I'm at a loss. I don't know what else to do about her. I threw all her toys away last week, so there is nothing left for me to take away. And she still doesn't care that they're gone. It didn't bother her that I packed up every toy she owned and threw them out. Time outs bother her a little, but not enough to change her behavior. Spanking don't work, they just make her more angry... Last night, she had to pick up her room. She changes her clothes 20 times a day, so they were everywhere. I don't expect much, just for her to put them in a pile. She was having a FIT. Yelling, crying, stomping her feet, spitting. She kept coming out of her room to holler. I kept my cool. I told her to stay in there till she picked up her things, and that's it, no more talking, bottom line. So she gets really angry, and yells "NOOOOOOOO, I DON'T WANT TO! YOU ARE AN UGLY MOM!" Where in the hell does she get this stuff? That put me over the edge. I scooped her up, plopped her on the counter, and made her swish dish soap. Man she was out of control. Screaming, spitting, crying. After her swish, I put her in her room, on her bed, forced her to look at me and told her that she may NOT talk to me like that. She said "that soap made my nose hurt funny!" and I said "Good, maybe you'll think about that before the next time you say something filthy!!!" So I left her in her room. She was really yelling in there. She was so worked up she peed her pants and her bed. She came out crying to tell me. I sent her back w/o caring, for another 5 minutes till her time out was over. When her time out was finished, I got her in the tub and threw her bedding and clothes in the wash. I just don't know.. I don't believe I'm too hard on her, but I don't let her get away w/ shit either. Where am I going wrong? I don't understand why she is the way she is. I cried last night. About her, about me, about feeling as though I'm failing as a mother. She's rotten. I love her, but I don't like her at all right now. That makes me feel terrible. I just don't know... Something has to give, and let's hope its not my sanity.
I was trying to explain to hubs last night how I've been feeling. Its somewhere along the lines of "small, inadequate, ineffective, and unimportant." I started thinking about my family. The responsibility is weighing heavy on me. On one hand its nice to be needed, but on the other, damn. Can I get a minute? I'm so involved w/ my kids, and my hubs, and spending every waking minute taking care of them, that I've lost myself. Separate from my family, who is Misty? I don't know anymore. I suppose that's the way it's suppose to be, but can't I be just a tiny bit selfish? I'm sure the answer to that is no.
When I was younger, I had all sorts of big dreams. I wanted to be in the FBI, and to be a journalist for the New York Times. lol. I wonder who I would be, if I were not mom and wife. I'm sure I wouldn't be doing either of those 2 things. I don't want to make it seem like I'm not thankful for my hubs, or my kids, b/c I am. I'm just feeling sorry for myself. Is it possible to be a mom, a wife, and keep some of yourself around? Doesn't seem like it. I generally don't mind the responsibility of my family, but when things get hard like this, really hard, I want to run away. I don't want the pressure of making good decisions so they'll turn out to be good decent citizens. I don't want to discipline them. I want to play with them and let them do what makes them happy. I don't want to think about the laundry, or what to make for supper. I thought about getting a job, a full time job. But that's no good either. I don't want someone else to raise them, but at the moment, I don't want to either.
About Me
- mistyblue3
- I'm a happily married mom of 3! I recently rejoined the work force after 8 years of being a SAHM. Now I'm REALLY trying to figure it out. Finding my balance w/ my family, my job, housework, school stuff, extra stuff, and maintain some sort of social life.. Nearly impossible.
3 comments:
I think you are a wonderful mother. I don't see anything wrong with how you feel. If you ask my mother about me, she will tell you, I was just a rotten. There is something about little girls. I think she is just strong like you. You can't be mad at her for that, this will be a good thing, but I understand how you want to beat her for it at the same time. You are not failing doing anything wrong. She is strong and she is letting you know, someday she will be your equal. I commend you on all your hard work. I know it has to be difficult, more so than you even let on sometimes. I think you are doing a wonderful job. I wonder how you do it sometimes. You have more guts than me sister. I will be running to you for advice when I have a child just as rotten. Imagine, Mr. Perfect and I rolled into one....uh, yeah...rotten.
I admit that I have not read a great deal of your blog, and don't know much about your daughter, but I still would advise you to discuss this with your pediatrician soon. Your daughter has too much anger for a 4 year old.
The reason I say this is because my son exhibited some of the same behaviors, but we attributed them to being headstrong or whatever else we could think of. As it turns out, my son has a learning disability as well as some other related problems. To make a very long story short, the anger that he exhibited was and is a result of not being able to process the emotions and frustrations that he is feeling, so they build up inside and last a lot longer than we think it should. We did not come to this conclusion until he was 12 and there were a lot of things that we could have done to make life easier. This is NOT to say that his condition is preventable, the doctors say it is not.
Hang in there
chk- thanks :) do you want her?
troubador- That is something that I've just recently started thinking about. I will bring it up to her doc. I have mentioned to him about this before, and he assured me it was a phase. I also had a new baby 7 months ago, and thought that that was why she was acting up. But if that were true, wouldn't it be getting better by now?? I appreciate your input. Come by again soon :)
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