Poor baby

Its midnight. I was planning on being in bed and asleep 2 hours ago. My baby is sick! She's had a stuffy nose here and there, but now, I think she has kroop, or croop? The cough that sounds like a barking seal. Crap. Its so sad. She is so tired, but when she coughs, it must hurt or something, and she cries, wakes up. I called the after hours Dr. to see what I can do. I will NOT go to the ER, unless she's really bad, and thankfully, they didn't tell me to. Phew. They said to give her cough medicine, steam up the bathroom and sit there w/ her for 20 min, and put a vaporizor in her room. They said I could try warm apple juice too. I guess that's suppose to help loosen up the mucus in her chest. They gave me all the warning signs, and told me I should bunk w/ her for a few nights to keep an ear on her breathing. Her breathing isn't bad. You can hear a little something, but nothing terrible. I'm nervous! I don't think I'll be doing much sleeping tonight. Paranoid as I am and all. I should have the hang of this, 3 kids deep. But no, still terrified the instant one of my babies are sick :(

I'm feeling bad. I'm down to nursing only 3 times a day, and NOW my baby comes up sick. Coincidence? I don't think so. Makes me feel like crap. I let her down. I started slacking off on taking care of myself which led me to the conclusion it would be best if I started to wean her. Why didn't I just pick up the slack, and take better care of myself for her? Because I'm rotten. Bad mom. Makes me cry. So now I want to nurse more. I need to go pick up some fenugreek, and try to increase my milk supply, which is a total pain in the ass. Once it goes down, at least for me, its so HARD to get it back to full power. I'm going to bring her in to the doc tomorrow. Maybe he will have some suggestions for me. Pray for my baby, and my other kids, so they don't pick it up!