Bah

I'm a bit blah tonight. It was just one of those nights that doesn't go so great. Hubs and I had a bit of something tonight. We just were not getting along. Made me feel sad. I called a girlfriend for moral support, as we women tend to do. And she so didn't help. Made me feel worse. I told her that we just didn't get along, but it wasn't an argument, although I did say something kind of bitchy. And she says, in this very sickly-sweet-sarcastic voice "noooot yoouuuuu". What the hell? Was she insinuating that I'm a bitch? That wasn't at all what I needed at the moment. She knew she pissed me off. I told her that it wasn't nice (can you tell I hang out w/ kids all day?). She kind of giggled and said she didn't mean it like that at all. I'm probably overthinking this, and I am hormonal this week. Even still, it bothered me. I'm still bothered about it. It isn't often that I reach out to friends when I'm having a bad day. Most of the time, it seems silly to share them, or that I'm over reacting. So I don't say anything about it, just carry on like I'm fine, or I shrug it off. Like, yeah, its not a great day, but it isn't that bad, could be worse. Then I change subjects. But tonight, I needed some support. A friendly "aww. It will be better soon" or "That happens to me sometimes too." I'm always around for my friends, most certainly this one. Can't I just get a hug, a beer maybe? Makes me sad, and want a pity party. But, you can bet I won't be calling anyone else for a lift this week. Don't want to be burned again. Not to say that my other g.f's would do that, I'm sure they wouldn't, but it makes me want to close off.

My son is having a rough time as well. Last week, I was talking to another mom about night terrors. Max had a few of those when he was 2. They were scary! Max overheard it, and now he's terrified to go to sleep in his bed. I don't know what I can say to make him feel better. I've tried. He's so much like me in that way, w/ his fears. I had many of them when I was little, and I know what it felt like when my parents put me off, or thought that I was just trying to get out of bed. I don't want to do that to him! He starts thinking about it right before he brushes his teeth, and then by the time he gets to his bed, he's a mess of nerves, and shaking. Trying not to cry, but he can't help it. The last few nights, I let him sleep w/ us. Tonight I wanted him to go back to his bed, but he was so scared his knees were shaking. I said all the things moms are suppose to say "there is nothing to be afraid of! monsters are not real, but if they were, I'd chase them away from you. I'll leave the light on. I'm just in the next room, you are safe. I'm telling you the truth, honest to goodness, you have nothing to fear. Daddy is bigger than the boogie man!" I didn't know what else to say. I did my best to reassure him. I left him in his room for 1/2 hour or so. When I peeked in to check on him, he was still shaking, and crying quietly. I've been there! I can remember the fears that I had that were so very real to me. I took him out of bed, and laid down w/ him on the couch w/ the lights on. When my parents would ignore my fears, it made me feel alone, and all the more scared. I can't do that to my son, but I do want this matter to clear up. Suggestions???

The baby started saying "mama" this week! Melts me. I can't believe how big she is getting! Her top 2 teeth finally broke through as well. Her diaper rash has cleared up, and she is once again, sleeping all night. Yeah!

Ave's behavior has been much better too. I've started using some different methods with her, and they are really paying off. The day goes by better now. She still has her occasional tantrums, but even those have gotten better. She no longer slams doors, or screams till my ears bleed :)

I talked to R.A. friend last night, and she isn't coming tomorrow. Her icky hubs sentencing has been moved to Feb, so I will not see her till then. She went to see a lawyer today to find out what the laws are, and what her options would be. She has been leaning towards divorce, but she kept going back and forth. After talking to the lawyer, she made a definite decision to go thru w/ a divorce. I'm relieved! I think it is the best choice for her and her kids!

Tomorrow will be a better day. Tomorrow will be a better day. Tomorrow will be a better day. That's suppose to work, right?