Weigh In

Hello. Today is my baby's 1rst birthday. (sniff sniff). I can't believe its been a year. I don't know what it is about that 1rst birthday, but it makes me cry. A lot. More than the other ones, even though I cry on those too. It seems like the end of babyhood. I know its not, but there's just something about that milestone. She's not walking yet (yay!), and not even attempting to take steps (yay again). She walks along the furniture, and she can stand on her own w/o holding on to anything, so I suppose its a only a matter of time. But I love it! Both my older two were walking by their first birthday. When my older kids turned 1, I just packed up the bottles, that was it. But, I don't want to take the bottle away yet, not with Jade. I wonder if its b/c I want to keep her a baby? I know that it's very possible I'll have another baby in a few years, but for some reason, seems like I'm having a hard time letting go. I'm going to take my time w/ the bottle, so there! I'm excited for her party tonight! Some of my girlfriends can make it now! I'm feeling much better about it. I'm running around like a chicken w/ my head cut off, but I'll get it done.
So, the weigh in. Drum roll please........ 3 more pounds! That brings my grand total to 18 pounds bitches! WOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOO. I went shopping last night for new jeans, being that all the ones I currently own no longer fit. I grabbed a pair of the rack in a size I never thought would fit, and they DID!!! I haven't been in that size since my junior year of high school. I'm nearly 1/2 way there. I can't believe how easy this has really been. Yeah, it gets hard sometimes, but overall, not too bad. I'm so excited! I've been in a bit of a slump this week, not being as disciplined as I should. And the new jeans and the weigh in today, really helped. I'm back on a mission! I should really start exercising... I hate exercise. The only form I enjoy is swimming(too cold yet), and rollerblading. The weather has been nice enough for rollerblading, but it's hard to find a time I can go, w/o all 3 of my kids. I have a jogging stroller I can put the baby in, and the other 2 ride bikes, but I'm constantly having to stop. I just need to pencil in time, like I would for a night out or something. I hope things continue to progress w/ exercise. I keep having these fears that I'm just going to stop losing, or that it will slow down to a crawl, and I'll become discouraged. Keep on... We shall see. Pictures will be up over the weekend!

The Basement Dweller

I forgot to mention that my cousin moved in w/ her baby. She moved in last weekend. She lived her a few years ago, before the new baby for nearly a year. We had some issues, but nothing major. We called her basement dweller, or just dweller. So far so good. I'm trying to re-situate my house. Another person and another baby add a whole bunch of junk! She's only going to be her a month(I hope). That was our agreement anyway. We'll see what plays out.
I got a lot accomplished yesterday. We have two storage rooms in our basement, neither of which have any sort of organization. Random furniture, boxes of old stuff that we never got around to donating, and any other misc. item we don't know what to do with. I tore into one yesterday, and is 3/4 of the way finished. I have to get back in there today and put it back to rights, hopefully with enough room left for the rest of the crap in the other one. I tackled the yard today, and our pool area. That's all set. Now if I could just finish the basement, and get a move on in the rest of the house. Company's coming you know. Time for a good scrubbing! I also need to go to the dermatologist today, and the grocery store, oh, and pick kids up from school. I'll see how far I get today, and I hope I won't have much to do tomorrow. I hate rushing around! Makes me grumpy. I'd rather work like a dog today rather than stress tomorrow. Hubs will be home late tonight :( I was hoping for some help. At least I got the yard work done, and the pool area cleaned up. It's so nice outside today! Sunny and 70. Ahhh. I love days like this. I can't wait for summer to get here! Have a good day all.

Some Good and Bad

The weeked went by really fast! Friday I went shopping with Chicken to look for a dress for me. I'm the only one standing up for her. She decided to leave it up to me, color and all, but I thought it'd be a good idea to go see what was out there, and get her input. We decided on a green, silk halter style dress. I don't really know how to describe the color. I think it's like emerald green, but a shade lighter, and very bright. Its really pretty. I bought a size that fits now, but its a bit tight around my ribs. The way the dress falls, it won't matter if I lose 15 more pds before the wedding. It should fit better around my ribs, and you can't see the rest of my body underneath that section anyway. If anything, I might have to have it taken in a bit around the boob/rib area, but I think it will work out great. The color will look great w/ the outside setting. I can't wait! On Friday night, I went shopping with my brother, which is Chicken's groom to be. We went all over looking for the perfect ring. We found it! Last night, he asked our family, and her family to meet up at their house, before Chicken got home from work. I'll let her tell you about the rest. I'm sure she'll post about it. Check her blog later today. It was great! I am so excited about this wedding. I hope the time passes quickly b/w now and then!
And now, for the bad.... I'm feeling sorry for myself today. I do that on occasion. My Jade is turning 1 on Friday. Birthdays are a big deal to me. Especially first birthdays. We have a party planned for Friday night, but most of my friends can't make it. Only one of my good girlfriends can come, and even she can only stay for a little bit. I'm glad she's making the effort to come, and I'm thankful for it. I don't expect the world to drop what they're doing, but it hurts my feelings that only one can spare time for me, and my baby. My parents and grandparents are coming. That will have to be enough. It just bums me out. I have some very close friends, and I try my best to make it to their family things, parties, baptisms, etc. But it isn't something that's returned. And my dad stood me up yesterday. He called and gave me some lame excuse. I'm just feeling really unimportant today, that my feelings don't matter. That neither me nor my kids are important to the people that are important to me.

Weigh In Update

I had to weigh in this morning, and they also did my measurements. I took them myself the other day, and I thought it was nearly 10 inches that I had lost, but it is only 8 1/2 inches, but still great! I'm down 15 pds. Woohooo! I didn't think that it would go this quickly, and I'm super excited about it!
My kids are driving me nuts today. I can't get more than 3 minutes of peace. Every 3 minutes one of them is demanding something, or crying about nonsense. UGH. I've been trying to clean up, and its like they go right behind me going 'oh. I see mom just cleaned. Maybe I should just go and fuck it up again. I bet she'd love it!' BAH. I've been so looking foward to spring break, but I must say, I'm ready for them to go back to school now. Enough. They've been picking on each other, and complaining about EVERYTHING. I think I'm going to kick them outside for the rest of the afternoon. Sounds like a fantastic idea to me!

My New Love :)

I have a new love in my life. His name is Jack, and he's a 10 week old black lab puppy!!! I've always loved dogs, and have had them all of my life, up until I got married. Hubs is not a dog fan. It's not that he doesn't like dogs, more so that he doesn't like dog poop, or chewed up shoes. When we were first married, we had a tiny little house, with no back yard. He told me that when we got a bigger house, with a fenced in back yard, we could get our dog. We've lived here 5 years now. I went to the pet store to see a friend (they own the store), I had no intention of puppy shopping. I asked to see the puppies, just b/c I like them. When they brought Jack out, my heart stopped. I fell helplessly in love. I HAD to have him. Normally, dogs don't have that effect on me. I don't fall in love with just any cute pup. He reminded me of my Molly. Molly was my dog that I had growing up. She was a beautiful Newfoundland. Huge dog, but very smart, and huge heart to go along with her body. She ended up getting bone cancer. We kept her on medication for 4 months or so, but then she all of a sudden lost a bunch of weight. I knew it was her time, but I had a really difficult time making the decision to put her down. I brought her to the vet myself, and laid with her on the floor while they gave her the injection. I stayed there until her last breath, and then for another 45 minutes, weeping hopelessly. I was broken up over it. I cried for nearly a week. I hadn't met a dog yet that made me feel anywhere close to the connection I had with Molly, until I laid eyes on Jack. That dog was meant to be mine. I had a hard time convincing hubs, but he was out voted. The kids fell for Jack to. I've been really happy! I don't enjoy potty training dogs, but its going ok. I'll be glad when this part is over. All dogs are pretty dumb for the first year. Hubs is warming up to him as well. I caught him laying on the floor with Jack, rubbing his belly.
What else is new? I've lost 13 pds now, and nearly 10 inches!!! All of my clothes are loose now. The biggest change I've noticed is my boobs! They've really shrunk! Which isn't a problem, I had some biggins! Now I'm back to my very nice high school bra size. If they shrink anymore, I might get a little worried. Now how 'bout that ass? That could really use some shrinking!
The baby has another new word! She now says 'bye bye'. Aww. Big girl. And she had her first ever grilled cheese sandwich! She loved it. She's been getting brave as well. Now when she pulls herself up, she lets go and just stands there, all by herself. Thank goodness she's not trying to walk yet! I'd like her to wait a bit longer.
Our taxes finally went through. I called social security again, and verified everyone's information. When I found everything was correct there, I called the IRS and verified all there. They too said that all of our info was correct. Then called back our tax lady, and she said she would try again. They went through! Turns out that it was the tax lady's fault all along. She forgot one of the letters in our baby's last name. DUH! That was it? All this time, and all of the phone calls I made to her and everyone else verifying all this information! One letter in our last name, and she's been doing our taxes for 7 years. UGH. Pissed me off. Why wouldn't she check the simple stuff right away? I don't care anymore, I'm just glad that our large lump sum of money will be here this week! Finally!
I'm off to the hospital now. My s-I-l just had a baby. I want to meet my spanking new niece. She was 8pds 12oz and 21 1/2 inches. Her labor started at 10:30 pm, and the baby was born at 2. Nice and short labor and delivery. All her babies were born like that. Pain med free to. She's a brave soul. Have a good day all!

It has been so bananas lately. The schedule I'm keeping is ridiculous. I've gotten somewhat used to it, but I am so looking forward to some down time! I have appts every single morning before I bring kids to school, mon-sat. Then w/ Ave's dance class, and my working 3 or so days a week, I can hardly keep it all straight. My kids last day of school is tomorrow, and then we have SPRING BRAKE!! WOOOHOOOOO. No running kids to school or dance class for a whole week. Bliss I tell, pure bliss :) AND, I'm not friggn' working at ALL during that week. I want to sleep in, maybe do some yard work.... or watch tv.. maybe I'd even have time to read a book. That'd be nice.
We've been waiting for our tax refund for the last week. They were e-filed by our accountant, and should have been deposited into our account last week. I've been checking everyday, and still nothing. I finally called our accountant this morning, and she says 'oh. I had a problem w/ the baby's ssn# so I called and they told me to try something else, and I've been busy and haven't gotten to it' WHAT?! We have a whole pile of bills to pay, and we've been thinking that they were going to show up any minute. The crazy old hag couldn't even call us to let us know?! I was irate. She said that she'll try to make time to do it today or tomorrow. I'm still pissed about it. I asked her to call me AS SOON AS YOU DO IT, and if I don't hear from her by tomorrow morning, I'm calling again! I'll sit on her front porch till she gets it down if I need to, but we are counting on that money. I can't wait any longer to pay all of our bills, so now I have to shift things around, and pull some money out of my magic ass to take care of them. This would have been much easier to take care of 2 flippn weeks ago! Maybe our tax lady is getting too old to properly take care of business. I think she's in her late 70's. We've used her for years, and have been happy with results, but this, this just sucks. I think she's slipping.
The baby started saying a new word! When I got her up from her nap yesterday, I was talking to her as I normally do, and then she responded w/ "nononononononono NO" LOL. Funny baby. She's been getting around w/ a quickness that makes me dizzy. She can shoot from one end of the house to the other in mere seconds. She's getting curious, and starting to explore things, like light sockets, cupboards that she can pry into, and blinds. So, she's been hearing 'no no' but I don't think she knows what it means yet. I can't believe she'll be 1 in 2 weeks.
It was Chicken's birthday yesterday. My lovely bestest friend ever is now 28. Getting old love :) Her and my brother have set a wedding date as well! July 1. I can't believe that she's marrying MY brother. Never in a million years would I have guessed that they would end up together. AND, she's having my niece or nephew. Does it get much better than that? I think not. Not all of us get to have our best friend marry into the family. I can't wait till she gets a big preggo's belly. I can't wait till they get married. I can't wait to hold my niece or nephew :)
Anyway, laundry is calling me. I think when I'm win the lotto, I'm going to hire someone to do all my laundry and dusting. I should start playing the lotto. Till later then :D

Blogger has not let me post for the last week! I'm not sure what the issue is, but I hope it's over!
Lots has been going on this last week. Too much really. I'll give you a brief recap :) Too much to be too detailed.
My aunt died. It was sad. We knew she was really ill, and were expecting it, but then she woke up. She had been awake, but non responsive for 2 weeks. Her kidneys had shut down, and she couldn't breathe on her own. An EEG was done, and they discovered that she had 50% brain damage. She lives in CA, while the rest of us live here, so my grandma flew out there to say goodbye, and pull the plug basically. When grandma got there and started talking to her, she WOKE up. She opened her eyes, grabbed grandma's hand, and was anwsering her questions by shaking her head yes or no. The doctors were floored, and thought she might make it. She died late that very night. It was an emotional roller coaster. She's going to do, so sad, SHE MIGHT LIVE! IT'S A MIRACLE! And then, oh no, she did die. It was very sad.
Max came down with Strep throat, AGIAN. His doc said that there is an empidemic of strep in our area. Max was unfortunate enough to catch both the first and second wave of it. I hope he NEVER gets it again! Max and I went and saw the Jungle Book live. That was fun, and they did a good job with it. Max really enjoyed it too.
My good friend's baby got some test results back this week. Baby E hasn't met his milestones, by a long shot. The doc's did some digging, and the CPK level came back kind of high. CPK is what your muscles let out when you have muscular dystrophy. They said his aren't as high as MD patients, but that's kind of what it points too. They re-did all the labs, and she'll have to wait 6 weeks for those. If it comes back high again, they will do a muscle biopsy to find out for sure weather or not he has MD. I really hope it's not that. MD can kill you before you are a teenager. There are other forms, that don't kill you, but you might always be weak. I just don't want it to be that. My friend is really having a rough time with all of this. Baby E is 10 months old. The waiting is killing her.
My other dear friend had a beautiful baby girl this weekend! That was exciting, and while she was in the hospital, I had her 2 yr old. Everything went fine, except for the donut outing, but I'll have to get to that another time. The 2yr old is a very good boy, but it made it more hectic around here :)
My mom had surgery last week Tuesday. It was for carpal tunnel, and everything went well, but she is still really sore. She can't use her right arm at all for 6 weeks. She's right handed. Makes everything a little more difficult, but she's doing good, and getting used to only having one arm.
Avery had a check up today. She has an infection in her nose, called impintigo. I can't spell to save my ass, so just sound that one out. I've heard of it before, but I'm not too sure what it is. Her ped said that its fairly common, and easier to get if you have super sensitive skin, which she does. He gave me a nice compliment too. We were talking about Jade, and I had said something about thinking to have another. He said that he could tell I was one of those rare moms, that love every part of being a mother, and that I'm a good one. That's nice to hear. If he only knew... lol. It is true that I love being a mom. It's hard for me to make a decision to stop having kids, I feel like I'm just now getting the hang of this mommy business.
This is a really boring post. I'm afraid to make it more interesting, b/c the instant I get creative, my computer will freeze and the very evil blogger will eat it! I haven't been to anyone's else's blog this last week either. I'm going to try and catch up on my reading. Hope you are all well!!

Weigh In

I weighed in this morning, and I'm down another pound. I've been doing this diet for 2 weeks tomorrow, and have lost 9 pds. Very exciting stuff! I want to keep seeing that scale move down. It makes me feel better about sticking with it when I see results. I'm wearing some jeans today that used to be tight, and I can pull them off without unbuttoning them now! My mom is having surgery today, so I don't have any more time for blogger. I'll have longer post tomorrow!

Avery has dance class on Mondays. She does tap and ballet. Today was parent watch day. Generally we are not allowed to go in the dance studio w/ them. We sit in the lobby, and can watch them on a TV. I was so excited to go and see what she's been learning! The recital is in May. Anyway, all of the parent shuffle into the room, and class begins. At first, it goes really well. Then she messed something up. Because we were all watching, she got really embarrassed, and REFUSED to do anymore. She started to cry, and then came over to me and sat down. She wouldn't do anything. I couldn't coax her back for the life I me. Bribes.. Nothing. Then she fell off the bench and hit the back of her head on it. Poor girl. I don't think she's going to get on the stage for her recital. I don't want to invite anyone to come. The tickets are 8$, and what a waste if she doesn't do it. I don't know what to tell her to make her feel better about it. Suggestions? I don't think she's feeling very good either. She woke up w/ a rash on her face yesterday, and she looks a little pale. She sounds stuffed up too, but I wonder if that's from the bloody nose she woke up with in the middle of the night. Please, not another illness!
I'm sick of our ghetto neighbors. Those kids have the filthiest mouths. Not too mention their parents. The kids were outside playing basketball yesterday, swearing at each other loud enough for me to hear in my garage. "Stupid Ass! Gimme the fuckn' ball! Shut the fuck up bitch!" The parents do NOTHING. What can they do? They talk like that too. Yes, I swear. BUT, not in front of my kids, not loud enough to disturb neighbors, and IF MY KIDS talked like that, you can bet on them eating soap. If the parents next door are not going to do anything about it, what should I do? I'm telling you, those bastards are decreasing my home value as we speak. Makes me want to move.
The diet is still going well. I weigh in again tomorrow. It's getting tougher. I was so excited about the rapid weight loss in the beginning, and now its just trickling off. Pisses me off. Its difficult for me to stick with it, which I am, and then see slower progress. Bah! Pizza please.. Maybe some cake? I'll let you know how it goes.

I'm being a bit naughty today. I feel kind of bad. I'm suppose to work in Max's class today, making copies and what not. And I'm not going to. I'm keeping Max home with me. If he's sick, I certainly can't go in. Other than he's not sick. I'm sick of HAVING to be somewhere, sick of sending my kids to sitters. I just plain don't want to. Not at all. So I'm not. And my conscious is already bothering me about it. Damn. I just want to be home w/ my kids. I want to catch up with them, and with my housework. I haven't gone to the grocery store in 2 weeks, out of everything, 13 loads of laundry, its time to mop and dust. I have decided that if I had a normal job, I would HATE it. How do you working moms get anything done? Anything at all? I feel like its time for me to turn off the phone, and hide out w/ my family. No more stuff to do! I can't get around the dermatologist, that's important, and I'm still going 3 days a week, but anything else, no way! Speaking of my skin, it's weird. All of a sudden this morning, 1/2 the spots disappeared. Awesome!
I'm looking forward to a very quiet weekend! I'm making 0 plans for anyone in our family. I have lots more to blog about, but I'll save it for another day. Weight update- down 8 pds in 8 days!!! Wooohoooo. My clothes are already starting to fit differently. Very nice.

BUSY!

The last 5 days have been crazy busy! I'm looking forward to some down time. Friday night we had all of the boys from Max's kindergarten class over for a birthday party. I don't EVER want to do that again. Those boys were so crazy and loud. Screaming, wrestling, chaos. It was hard to get their attention to even play games. All the boys had a good time, and more importantly, Max really enjoyed it. I don't think I'll be doing that again next year.
I went and weighed in on Saturday morning. I lost another 3 pounds!!! That brings me to 7 in under a week. Just a few days really. It was really hard being away from home and eating out this weekend. I just can't eat out. Or not till I get more familiar w/ what's ok to eat, and what isn't.
Hubs and I had a GREAT time this weekend. It was so nice to hang out, talk, play, catch up. We went to Traverse City, MI, and played at the Sutton's Bay Casino. We won 250$ playing black jack. It was great. We didn't get home Sunday night till after 9. We couldn't wait to see the kids! I missed them soooo much. Nice to get away, but even better coming home.
I had to go to Jury Duty on Monday. Ick. I was selected for a Federal trial. It was very interesting watching the judicial process. The case ended today, and we found the defendant guilty on all 3 charges. The guy sold crack to an undercover agent, sold it to him within 1000 feet of 2 elementary schools, and he had a gun. He already was a convicted felon, so having a gun is a big no no, and the gun is why it was in federal court instead of state court. It was interesting, but I'm glad its done. It was a pain in the ass to set up day care for my kids! And on top of that, I still MISS them. I want to play with them, and snuggle. I can't wait to pick them up today!!!

Yea!

Yesterday was my first official diet day. I had to go in today for a weigh in. Ugh. I couldn't believe they wanted to get my weight after only one day. How much difference could a day make anyway? How about 4 pounds bitches!!!!! I was so excited! 4 pounds indeed! I feel really encouraged by this. I'm going do my best w/ this program.
Do you ever say something, and then the minute it comes out, you're like 'shut up jackass! Why would you EVER say that?'??? I so did that at work last night. I think I've mentioned that I work for a hotel every now and again. Last night I was working, and this older business man/gentleman/very PROPER guy checked in. I asked if there was anything else he needed, and he asked me to bring extra pillows up. No problem. I brought the pillows up to him, and he insisted on tipping me. He hands me the $$, and without thinking I say 'thanks handsome'. What the hell? WHY did I say that? Must be b/c I say it to my son all day, but geez. My face turned red as I hustled out of the room. What a dork. Love it when that happens. What a hussie.
Today is Max's 6th birthday :) He woke up this morning and went running to the mirror. "LOOK MOM! I'M BIGGER TODAY! I'M 6!" So cute. I have lots to do today. I need to clean my house, and make up the gift bags for Max's party tomorrow. I want to get as much as possible done today, so I can relax some tomorrow. My poor sad house has been neglected this week. Too much going on this week. I'm VERY much looking forward to hubs and I night away. Can't wait. Although I won't be able to have any beer, or food. Nah, its not that bad, but it would be nice to have a little more room. I refuse to get off this program though, even for a day. NOT till I get to my goal. I'm committed :)

Bye Bye Fatty

Wooohooo! I signed up at a weight loss center today. I've been wanting to do something about it for awhile, and finally decided it was time. I took the plunge. I'm really excited, but nervous too. I'm committed, but I worried it won't work the way it should, or that I'll screw it up by not having the will power I need to make it happen. It was more money than I wanted, but at this point, if I can lose weight in a healthy manner, and keep it off, it will be worth it. And overall, its cheaper than some others. This place offers one on one counseling, a specific menu catered to your health history and your goal weight. In just 4 months, I'll be thin! I'll take before and after pictures for you. I'll try to post the before shot this week. My camera is currently out of order, but I hope to remedy that tomorrow. The other thing about this program, is that its medically sound. They do lab work there to check for thyroid issues, and any other health problems that could enable your ability to shed pounds, and all of the people that work there are certified nutritionists. Oh, and when you reach your goal, you get 1/2 your money back. A little extra added bonus. My goal is 40 pds. Seems like a HUGE amount, but supposedly, completely possible. Wait and see... I'm hopeful! By mid summer, I'll be smaller, and maybe even have clear skin! wooooohoooooooo. Very exciting things happening in the Blue household!

Drunk Dial

You know.... My biological dad is a drunk. Always has been. He and my mom separated when I was just 2. From the stories I hear, I was desperately wanted by both parents. They tried to conceive me for 4 years. I was a wanted child. I was born premature, and my parents were told I would not live through the night. I survived, obviously. You would think, or at least I would, that b/c of all that, I would matter to him. But the bottle was the only thing that his heart truly loved. As a child, and teenager, I struggled with that. How could I be so wanted, but then left aside? He was never around. Or if by chance he did call he'd promise to be there by noon, and never show up. I'd wait on the porch w/ my little bag packed, till supper, when my mom would try to soothe my broken heart. Then I'd sit by the window, convinced that he was still coming, maybe just got held up. I'd wait till bedtime, and then cry myself to sleep. This pattern continued all throughout my life. He went to jail a few years ago. By the time he went to jail, I had pretty much written him off. Knowing he was there made me sad for him. I wrote him a few letters, telling him that even though we don't have a relationship here, I would like to see him in heaven, and it wasn't too late for him to turn things around for him. He could give up drinking, get a job, etc. I urged him to think about how his life had gotten him to this point, and to change it. He wrote me many letters, asking for forgiveness, saying he knew that he never did right by me, please, can I try again, I love you, more blah blah blah. I agreed, but told myself that I wouldn't invest my whole heart into it, but I would see where it went. He stayed with hubs and I for a week when he got out of jail, and got to know my kids for the first time. I kept my guard up, but it began to slip, sooner than I thought. He stayed sober for a year. That year was a great time in my life. I finally felt wanted, and excepted. For some reason, I've always wanted him to be proud of me. Like it matters. Anyway, his girlfriend of 15 years died from a drug overdose. He had his first beer at her funeral. I tried not to be mad, after all, it was her funeral. But I knew what was to come. He's a full fledged drunk again. Within a month of her death. I try to avoid answering the phone after 6pm when he calls. He's way drunk by then. But now it's only 330, and he called all drunk and retarded. Slurring, saying stupid shit about being a secret agent, and nam rambles. He missed my birthday, again. I think the only one he really showed up for was 10 years ago. I don't know what to do about him. I don't want to be an asshole, but at the same time, C'mon. I can't force him to stop drinking. I can't make him stop. I won't allow him to be around my kids. OVER MY DEAD body will they ever be exposed to that sort of lifestyle. Its just not ok with me. There were times when he would pick me up only to bring me to a party, so I could watch people get drunk and stupid, or do drugs. One time he brought me and my brother to a bar, told us to stay in the car, and he'd be right back. He forgot about us. He came out 3 hours later, falling down the stairs. Makes my skin crawl to think about those times now. Now that I have my own children, I can't understand him at all. I would never, could never, and would protect them from that environment with my life. Empty promises and broken hearts. Those things should effect me now, I'm a grown up dammit. I don't know what to do w/ him.

Fucking Car! AGAIN!

Son of a bitch! The stupid P.O.S car did it again! I went outside this morning, to warm it up. Came back out looking for Max's snow stuff, and the damn thing was locked! AGAIN! All by itself. Pisses me off. Thankfully there wasn't a kid in it this time. The fire dept will only help if there is a kid in it. Had to call someone to bring my son to school, and my daughter will be missing her dance class. Ah, well. Could be worse. Hubs was suppose to put the spare in a magnetic lock box under the fender, but he didn't get around to it yet. Not only that, but he hasn't taken it off his key ring. I didn't really think it was likely to happen again, and neither did he. I'm currently waiting for a towing company to come and unlock it. I'm glad for the road side service I pay extra for now. STUPID. The tow guy just came and unlocked it. Nice. My neighbors must really think I'm loopy now. Maybe I should wander around my yard yelling to myself to reinforce that...
Max's party was nice. He had a good time. It was for my family, and our close friends, and they all came. I love spending time w/ my family, and good friends. I like knowing I can count on them. I made a bunch of food! Meatball, sweet pasta salad, fruit salad, cake, my grandma brought taco salad, chicken brought a cheese ball, and my mom brought BBQ and pickle wraps. MMMMMMMM. If you ever have to go to any sort of potluck, this sweet pasta salad is out of this world good! Lemme know if you want the recipe. My brother got Max a BB gun! It looks like a shot gun. I can't believe he got him that! I think 6 is a bit young for guns... My brother had one around that age though. I shot my first real shot gun at 6, and it knocked me on my ass! I don't think a BB gun would do that. I'm kind of unsure about what I think of it as yet. We told him gun safety, and he isn't allowed to touch it w/o daddy w/ him. We will keep it locked in our gun safe. We have quite a few guns. Hubs is a hunter. When we started having kids, we went out and bought this huge, 800 pnd safe for them.
This week is again busy! I have to work Mon Tue and Wed, go to the derm. 3 times this week during the day, Thursday is Max's actual birthday, so we are taking him to a video game/go kart place, Friday is his bday party for all of his school friends, and sat, hubs and I are going out of town!!! We will be back Sunday night. I'm getting a little nervous about leaving our kids, especially the baby. We haven't been w/o them(all of them at the same time) for a night in close to 3 years. This will be the first time we leave Jade. Max and Avery are going to my mom's, and Jade is going to be spending Saturday and Saturday night, w/ my grandma. I know that my grandma will take care of her just fine, but she does weird stuff. Like put yogurt in her bottle, or feed her odd food. And she'll run all over the place w/ her. My grandma is very active, and together, but I have noticed she's getting kind of flighty about some things. Like she'll ask the same question 4 times in a row, like she never asked at all. Bothers me. Makes me want to stay home and take care of my baby myself. Sunday morning, my S-I-L is going to pick her up and keep her till we get home. I'm more comfortable w/ that, b/c she has young kids too. Things were very different when my grandma had babies. I'm sure it will be fine.. I just need to relax and stop thinking about it, or I really won't go. I need to go. It will be good for me, and super good for hubs and I.

Birthdays

My birthday was fun. Bowling was a blast! I lost 50$ though, and that sucks. Birthday money from my grandma :( Oh well. At least it wasn't money we had budgeted for anything. I was hoping to purchase something for myself, but so sad for me. I got an awesome present from Chicken. My favorite flower is a daisy, particularly Gerber daises. Gerber daisy's don't come back every year here, so she found another kind similar, but they grow back bigger and better each year. Not only that, but she found BLUE daisy's! Not only is blue my name, but my favorite color as well. She always comes up w/the most thoughtful gifts! I was very excited about them. Now I just have to figure out where I can plant them!
Not much happening for the weekend. Hubs and I watched a movie last night, tonight I may or may not play poker at a friend's house, and tomorrow, we're having a birthday party for Max! I can't believe he's turning 6. Time goes so fast. My first baby. I was so scared when I found out I was pregnant w/ him. I was terrified of being a mother, and I had very little experience w/ babies. I never thought that I wanted kids. Not b/c I disliked kids, I just didn't think I'd be a good mom. When my water broke (3 weeks early) I thought I was going to die from the panic attack that I had. My knees were shaking. They kept shaking, all the way up till he was born. Then it was love. He was such a beautiful baby. I was also under the impression at the time that all newborns were ugly. He was perfect. He had great color, and perfectly round head, small nose and ears, and a tuft of blonde hair. I fell hard for him. I was not prepared for the joy that he brought me. So in love. And I still am. He is my easy going kid. He sensitive, loving, smart, kind. He knows everything there is to know about race cars and harley's. He loves spiderman and ninja turtles, and starting to love video games. Good boy all the way around, and I can't believe he's going to be 6. I always cry when one of my kids has a birthday. I'm excited to see them grow, but sad at the same time that they are. Ah, the joys and sorrows of being a mom :)

Happy Birthday to ME!

Yes indeed, 28 years ago today, I was born. I was born premature, and the doctors told my parents that I would not live through the night. Poo poo on them, Here I am! I love birhtdays, but my own are much less exciting. Now I'm just getting older. We have plans w/ some friends tonight. We are going out for dinner, and then bowling :) I wanted to go ice skating, but it didn't work out. I'm looking forward to it. I'm just sad my fabulous Chicken isn't able to come. Damn second shift jobs! Should be a good time anyway.
When I got up this morning and looked in the mirror, my face was CLEAR. That new doc is magic! I didn't wear make up today! WOOOOHOOOO. It's a little peal-ish, but who cares? The redness is gone. I'm on my way to normal!
Other than that, not too much happening. I am having an issue w/ my son, but I'll save it for another day. Here's to being 28!!!!!

Better

I'm doing better! The rest of the weekend went by w/o incident :) Phew. I was glad for that. Jade's rash is getting better as well. Today I went to see a specialist about my skin. I was kind of nervous thinking that he was going to tell me something different from my family doctor, like I had some sort of flesh eating bacteria. Eww! But he didn't. I indeed have psoriasis, just as my family doc said. But my family doc said that there was very little to be done about it, which was discouraging. I decided to get a second opinion, and I'm so glad! Psoriasis is a genetic thing- I didn't know that. I knew very little about it actually. Talking to the new dr. really made me feel better. There are things that can be done to help. They hooked me up w/ a bunch of stuff for my skin, and set up a treatment program that includes UV rays. Even though I have a bad kind, bad b/c it can cover your whole body, it is more easily treatable than others. They assured me that they can clear me up!!!!! Not to say I won't have another flare up. Flare ups can be caused by any number of things, like hormones, stress, illness. But when it happens, it can be fixed back up. I'm so relieved! For the first time this month, I feel hopeful, and much less like a monster of sorts. No, it isn't that you would see me and scream, but it looks like chicken pox or something on my arms. To anyone else, it prly wouldn't seem so bad, but to me, it seems awful. My treatment started today, and I have to go there 3 times a week to begin with. They are so nice there. I can bring my kids along. There is a toy room there for them to play with, and the nurse's are all willing to hold the baby. The UV thing I get in looks like a hexagon tanner. Basically, I get a sunburn. The lights combined w/ the lotions, should have me mostly clear within 5-6 weeks. Yay! I was worried about the doctor, b/c I just picked him out of the phone book, but it turns out that he is one of the leading researchers in the country, and on the board at U of M. Not only is he a leader in this field, but he himself also suffers with it. So do most of the nurses. They understand the emotional toll this has been taking on me, and the physical too. Not just medically, but from personal experience. It's a comfort to me in so many ways to know I'm in good hands, and I'm not gross, or alone. I'm excited to see a difference. Oh, and my insurance covers it!!!! Woohoooo. Also good. I picked up the prescriptions today, and all but one were covered. The one that wasn't cost a fortune! $165.00! WHOA. But its worth it to me to win back some of my self image. I know that the outside isn't what matters, and anyone else w/ any skin problems I wouldn't view as gross in any way, but when I was put in the situation, I saw it completely different. I feel ugly, gross, and like people are staring- but they're not. I know that as well, but it doesn't ease how I feel. You always view yourself so much differently than other would. This has been an eye opening experience for me. Its hard to decide to love yourself from the inside out, but I'm working on it. I want to set a good example for my kids, especially the girls. I'm going to keep working on that, but I'm also going to improve the outside. Not b/c I have an outrageous need to be perfect, but I want to be able to say 'I look ok today'. And even if I don't, I still want to be ok with it. I've never had issues w/ how I look. Ever. Sure, I've wanted to be thinner, or wished my hair straight, or curly (it was both at different times), but other than that, I've always been ok w/ me. Just as I am. I wouldn't want to change my features, or a get a new face/butt/boobs whatever. Until now. I'd still like to be thinner (working on that too), but having this rash has really stung me in a place I didn't know existed. I am thrilled w/ the new doctor, and very much looking forward to treatments! OH, and GUESS WHAT?! Hubs and I are going away, TOGETHER, WITH NO CHILDREN FOR A WHOLE NIGT!!!!! I can't wait. We haven't gone away for a night together, alone for more than 3 years! More on that later.

UNREAL

AHHHHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAAAHHHH! Its been one of those weeks!I haven't updated b/c my computer has been broken, or at least not working well. This week has been so busy! We've had something going on every night, and my days are spent doing mommy type stuff. LET me tell you about my day. Today started off alright- got up early (before 6) and started getting some things done. Dropped Avery off at school, and headed to the grocery store. I can't remember what happened in b/w that time, but it was starting to get a bit crazy w/ kids and what not. I pick Max up from school, along w/ 2 other kids, every day. Today I packed up the girls, and headed towards school. After FOREVER behind all the other soccer moms, we made it home. One of the car pool kids thought he had lost his glove in the backseat. I hopped out, along with the big kids, leaving Jade in her carseat. Couldn't find the glove, closed the van door, and said goodbye to the car pool kids. Then I hear "click". Oh shit. The van locked, all by itself for NO REASON with my baby still in the car! Of course I left my keys in it, and why would I have a spare set? That would be much too convient. Hubs has the only spare key, and he was still working an hour away. I called 911, who patched me through to the fire department. The nice firemen came and got my baby out for me. Nothing like locking your baby in the car to make you feel like a stellar mother. Nice seeing all the neighbor's crane their necks to see why the fire rescue vehicle is in my driveway. Because I'm the best mom ever, duh. That's why they are here. Meanwhile, poor baby. She's on an antibiotic to clear up a sinus infection, which causes mad crazy diarrhea. Her biscuits were tender already, and she pooped while locked in my car. So she had to sit in it. OH NO. When I got her in the house to change her, her poor little business was all raw, swollen, and almost bleeding! She screamed like I've never heard her scream before. It was terrible. When hubs got home, he was kind of crabby, and so was I, so that didn't go very smoothly. AND I was late for work to top it all off. what a day. I don't have any more time, but hopefully my computer will stop being an asshole, and I can update again tomorrow!

Surprise!

My mom's surprise party was great fun. She was clueless the entire time! It's more than rare for her to be speechless, but she was, for at least a few minutes. It was fun to watch all the different emotions play out on her face. First confusion, then shock, then laughter (including a few snorts), and then tears. Lots of friends showed up, even friends that she hasn't seen in years. This is the first time I can remember my mom having a birthday party, ever. She always has had them for my SD, and for my bro and I, but never for her. It was awesome.
The rest of this weekend is going to be quiet. Hubs is gone to a poker game tonight. I'm planning on ordering a veggie pizza (I only get them when hubs is gone. He won't eat them), and watching a few Disney movies w/ the kids. I don't want to go anywhere. Its friggn' FREEZING here right now. It is 1* F right now, but w/ the wind chill factored in, it feels like -17 F, so says the weather man. Really cold. I ran a few errands this morning, and Avery was playing in the yard when I got home. I can't believe hubs let her outside, or that she wanted to. She had on all the proper gear, but damn! Too cold! The weather has been nuts lately. On Thursday, we had winter snow advisory, thunder storms, tornado watch, ice storm advisory, and a high wind warning! Not right at all. Thunder storms and tornado watches in Feb? Only in MI. It's suppose to warm back up in the 20's tomorrow. Nice, time to bust out the BBQ.
Other than that... Not much going on. I still feel ugly. I'm trying to work on it, but its tough right now. I don't like watching my skin flare up w/ nothing to be done about it. I just hope it settles back down sooner than later. I'd really hate to be a hermit. I'm going to start tanning this week. That's suppose to help. And I'm heading to the doc this week as well. Stupid psriorsis. I can't spell. I was reading that after you give birth, or stop nursing, within a few months, it can get worse. And it so did. It didn't act up like this w/ my other kids. Not that I can remember. But then again, I didn't start thinking about it, or worry about it until this last year. Up until then, I just thought I had dry skin. And of course, I worry about everything WAY more now than I did when I was younger. And winter does make it worse, and so does lack of sunshine. Which we had like 2 sunny days in an entire month. The doc never has anything new to say about it, but now that I'm not nursing, there should be more treatment options for me. I certainly hope so! I fear I'll turn into a lizard. I'm actually more fortunate than most, and I need to keep reminding myself of that. Mine is not nearly as severe as most. I need to stop worrying about it, and being petty. Maybe I need some anti-depressants. Or a little no-more-paranoia. That would be helpful. I'm rambling on and getting carried away. Bah. Enjoy the rest of the weekend!

Ugly.

We had a nice night last night. The food was great, and I was so excited to get my kids to bed! They've been a bit of a handful this week- all of them. Not sure what's going on w/ the baby, but she's been higher maintenance this week, and M and A are whiny and full of complaints. Ick. J's been waking up at night. Seems like exactly 1/2 hr after I fall into the good sleep. I let her go for 15 min or so, and if she doesn't settle down, I go in and rub her back. That used to work. Doesn't now. I think part of it is that she's pulling herself up in her crib now. Once she gets into the standing position, I don't think she knows how to get back down. So instead of laying back down to sleep, she just stands there. Grr. 3 nights in a row now. I would like some sleep please.
I have a ton of shit to do today, and I can't seem to fit it all in. Hubs wants me to put some stuff together for him, house needs to be picked up, baby needs a nap, and I have to get to the store to buy a bunch of food for my mom's surprise party this Friday. The news is saying that we are suppose to have a terrible ice/snow storm tomorrow, and if that's the case, I don't want to go out in it! But by the time J gets her nap in, it's time to pick M up from school, and hubs parent are coming over at 5...... How do I fit it in?! Irritating. And all this food for my mom's party, I don't know if my step-dad is going to pay me back for. I don't have a lot of extra money, and buying food for 40-50 people, plus a cake is expensive! I feel like a schmuck asking my SD about it, but he asked me to get it.... Awkward.. Maybe I'll just give him the receipt and hope for the best.
I've been feeling UGLY lately. Really ugly. I've never had a flawless complexion before, but at least I felt comfortable enough to run around w/ out putting make up on. Not so much lately. I've had this rash on my forehead for the last few weeks, and it's bright, so I don't want to leave the house w/o 4 pds of make-up on. Last night I didn't have time to run errands and put make-up on, so I just left, but I was so self conscious! I wore a stocking hat pulled down to my eyebrows. After the first stop, I knew it was silly, so I took it off. But on my next 2 stops, I was watching faces intently looking for the "OH MY GOSH! WHAT THE HELL IS ON HER FACE!" look. I think I was checking too intently and they thought me to be physco. B/C they didn't seem to want to make eye contact, or maybe it was the rash. I'm thankful to report that it looks better today, and is starting to go away. I will never again take a mediocre complexion for granted!
I'm going to try and get the baby down for her nap and pick up. JUST maybe I can fit all of this shit in still in the next 4 hrs. We shall see.

OH!! And do you know the song 'just call me Angel in the morning, baabbby. Just touch my cheek before you leave me, baaby' Who sings it? Chicken and I were trying to figure it out last night. Yesterday I was singing " Just call me ugly in the morning baaby" and the song has been stuck on repeat in my brain since then, not the ugly version, but the original.

Happy Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day.. I'm not a fan of V-day. Hubs and I don't really celebrate it. We don't exchange gifts for sure. We are going to do something a little special tonight- we are putting the kids to bed early, and ordering in Chinese food. Yummy! Cuddle up on the couch and watch American Idol. That is our favorite date. We have more fun doing that than going anywhere. I'm looking fwd to it.
I haven't posted in a few days b/c I have nothing to say. It's been pretty uneventful around here. I got my house clean, finally. I'm trying to stay on top of it this week. It's frustrating to watch slip back into mess.
Have you heard someone say 'I can't help how I feel'? Do you believe that to be true? I don't think I do. I suppose it matters in what circumstance. I've been reading a blog recently where the spouse left one for another, and things aren't perfect in the new relationship- there's some of the "i can't help how I feel". It's easy to get caught up in how you feel, I'm guilty of it as well (in other things, not my spouse and others), but I very well think what we feel can be helped, and changed depending on your viewpoint. Do you agree? Interesting what I've heard from friends and others. I'd like a few more. Comment if you please, and LURKERS, now would be a great time to pop in and say hello. :)

Oh- and blogger still sucks! I haven't been getting all my comments again! Sorry, I'll get to you when I get them!

Your Stripper Song Is

Super Freak by Rick James "That girl is pretty wild now The girl's a super freak The kind of girl you read about In new-wave magazine" Freaky? Yes. But you're also pretty darn funny.

What Song Should You Strip To?

Hmmmm. I suppose so. Super Freak it is! hahahahahahaha. Super Freak right here for your reading pleasure.And just so you know, I would NEVER strip in a million years. Not even for ass loads of money. Not that anyone would be willing to pay to see it. But that's not the point here. :D

Not a lot is going on. My daughter was a jerk today. She did nothing but whine, scream and make mess' today. For example, we had chips w/ lunch. She dumped them on the table, smashed them into pieces w/ her fist, and then wiped them onto the floor. Grr. They were making forts in the living room, so when they were done, I went in to restore order (or close to it). I refolded all the throws, put cushions and pillows back, picked up the 846 books they scattered about. I walked off to do something w/ the baby, and when I came back- destroyed, again. Bah. Then she got mad at her brother and started screaming at her brother. The baby was napping at this time. I run in to see what's going on, and she begins to tell me the nonsense tale again in shrill shrieking loud-as-all-hell tones. I told her 2 or 3 times to quiet down, and then finally busted out w/ the "SHUT UP". Oops. I've never told her to shut up. Always proving myself to be the 'Best mom Ever'. Of course she woke up the baby. AND THEN, when I went to do her hair, she dumped the contents of the hair basket stuff holder. Which is full of barrets, pony holder, clips, and other pretties. Thousands of them. I had to work at my son's school today, so needless to say, I left in a huff, and my house completely torn the fuck up. It is a nasty mess. and I don't want to fix it. !!!!!!! Ever.

The older kids are spending the night w/ my parents tonight, so I suppose I can put things back to rights. I'm having one of those weeks, that I just can't seem to get ahead on house stuff. Not ahead, but keep up even. Sparkley houses are over rated. so there. Have a great weekend!

Bird Flu?

I am one of those people, that if I hear about some new rare Disease, I instantly develop symptoms. No matter how illogical it seems. No, I don't think I have bird flu, but the recent news on it has me uneasy. I had coffee w/ friends tonight, and we were talking about it. I have been avoiding stories about it b/c of how I am, but couldn't avoid this conversation. And I try not to be a wuss all the time. I'm worried about this thing. I still haven't checked into it yet, but from what my gf read, we are due for a world-wide pandemic. I can't spell it, sorry. As history goes, every 50 yrs or so, some sort of illness comes up that cannot be stopped, and zillions of people die. Scientists believe that this is it. Right now, the only way this thing is spread is from birds to people. Like chicken farmers. When humans get it, 70% die from it. Dr.'s believe that it will only be a matter of time before the virus mutates and figures out how to jump from person to person, and it will be airborne. Oh shit. There is no cure as of now. They are working on it, but they say there will not be enough medicine in the world for everyone when this thing strikes. And to make it worse, it is now in Iraq. Our soldiers are in Iraq, coming back and fourth from that country to ours. It could be a matter of days before we have the first cases of bird flu here in the U.S. Oh shit indeed. I'm freaking out about this. This thing started in China. What the hell is up w/ China? SARS started there, and now this? What are they doing over there that all of these illness' are being formed there? Is it b/c of how many people there? Isn't China the most populated country in the world? My friend lives in China.. I should ask him about it. I would imagine that he would know something about it. He lives in a huge city, but it is not well known, and tourists never go there. 7 million people live there. And that's just one city. Unbelievable. It seems that every day, there are more things in the world that become scary to me. I've joked about running away w/ my family to some unknown, unpopulated destination. Without cars, phones, TV's, computers, other people. Something uncivilized. I don't know if I could do it. I would have to bring a few extended family members, and some friends, but I'd want to start over. Live off the land. Even then, something would come up. As big as this world is, it is less and less likely to find a spot like that. And even if we did, someone would own it. Is there any free land left in the world? Doesn't seem like it. It would be nice though. Perhaps the moon? Who owns the moon? Or the other planets in our solar system? Do you think if those places/planets were livable, that you would have to pay someone to stay there? Or that it would be illegal b/c it was not regulated by the government of some place? Who decides that crap anyway? Don't mind my ranting, I'll be back to my right mind again tomorrow :)

By the way- blogger is being an asshole! It would publish my last 2 posts until this morning. I didn't get any comments till this morning either. I wasn't ignoring them :) I also forgot to mention that my baby is pulling herself up now! AWWWW. And I talked to my friend in China about the bird flu. His input was to stay away from sneezing birds. lol. nice. There you have it.

When we got to my mom's house last night, she acted as if nothing ever happened. Later, she finally said " i wasn't mad at you, i never was, and i didn't call b/c i knew you were mad, so i figured you'd call when you were over it." OK, then. No sense in bringing it back up. I'd feel better if I talked to her more about it, but there isn't any point. I'm sure my weirdness w/ her will ware off soon. I don't like that feeling. Tension in the air, or just the feeling that things are not quiet right. It will pass. She was too mad. She was yelling in my ear, but whatever.
I'm really far behind on housework! I wanted to get all sorts of stuff done yesterday, but all I accomplished was laundry. My house is still dusty and dirty. Ick. I have NO motivation to get it done. None at all. I'd much rather nap. I've been super tired for the last week. I haven't a clue as to why that is. I can only imagine it has something to do w/ PMS. I hope. I hope I'm not preggos. That would be rough. Hubs and I are always cautious, but there was one time this last month that we got carried away. Hmmm. That's freaking me out, so I'm going to stop thinking about it. I'm sure its just PMS. Yep. Just PMS.
I'm pretty boring today. Nothing interesting happening in the blue household. I'm going to try and get something done before I have to pick kids up from school :) Happy day to all.

What a fun weekend! It was very busy, but great fun. Friday night was our last poker game. Yea! I'm soooo happy about that. No more poker on Friday nights.... I'm looking fwd to our first free Friday this week. Because it was our last game here, I decided to play. I haven't been playing for the last 3 weeks or more. I won! Woohoo! What a way to go out. I won $375. Nice, real nice. AND, hubs played in the cash game, and he won $700!! Holy crap! I was so excited. That NEVER has happened before. It was defiantly a good way to end our poker nights.
Saturday we took the kids out for breakfast, and did grocery shopping and other errands during the day. I went out w/ some girlfriends later that night. We had the best time! We had dinner first, at a very cute little restaurant in East town. Good food, and inexpensive. I wanted to go have a few beers, but we weren't sure where to go. Someone came up w/ the idea of taking a tour of west side dive bars. So fun! We found some charming dives :) And being that they were dives, the beer was CHEAP! $1.80 at one place. It was a good time, spent w/ good company. I could do that more often! Yesterday, we went to a friend's house to watch the superbowl. My team didn't win :( It was a good weekend for sure.
This week is not nearly as busy as the last have been. I'm going to try to catch up on housework. I need to dust like what! I talked to my mom today. That was awkward. My kids wanted to talk to her, they've missed her. I called her and gave them the phone. She invited the kids over tonight after she gets out of work. Max handed me the phone, and she just confirmed that I was bringing them, that was all. I don't know if I'm suppose to just drop them off for a few hours, or if I'm suppose to stay. And I don't know if she wants Jade as well, or only the older kids. But clarifying that would mean more talking. I'd rather not. One awkward exchange is enough for this morning! We will see what happens later. Have a good day!

Jerk

My mom is a jerk. I'm so pissed at her. Most days, I can't live w/o her, and others, such as today, I want to kick her.

I have my niece today. Her mom is in the hospital b/c she just had a baby. K(my niece) was desperate to go see her mommy, and her new sister. I had mentioned to my mom that I was going to take my 3 kids, and K up to the hospital to see RB (K's mom) and the new baby.My mom went on about how that's so much work w/ all of them, why not drop your kids off here? My step-dad would be more than happy to hang out w/ the kids while K and I went. I didn't take her up on it yesterday, so I called tonight. Talked to s.d. he said he'd check w/ mom and get back to me. 45 min go by, and she finally calls. She says ' what's up?' I asked if she got my message. Which was " I could really use your help tonight. Could you watch my kids for an hour while I take K to see RB, or could you take K to see RB?" She says " yeah, I got it. I told S.D. that I didn't feel like it." ummm. Oh. Uhhh. Don't. Feel. Like. It. This is a little different. Generally when a favor is asked, if you can't for some reason, or you're sick, ok. But- you don't fucking feel like it? Then I continue on about how K really wants to see RB, and how it would be very helpful if she could watch my kids for an hour. And she continues with "Its not MY responsibility. Why would you bring her up there tonight?! That baby is not our family. Doesn't RB have friends, or what about her bf's family, can't they pick up K?" She irritates me to NO end. My bro has had K for the last few days, he had something going on tonight, my hubs is gone, K is very sad and wanting to see her mom. I am not doing RB a favor by bringing K up. I'm taking care of K's needs. I don't enjoy RB that much, but K is my family, and RB is her mom. I don't decide what I will or will not do based on my feelings about RB. My mom continued on some other rant, but basically, b/c RB's new baby is not one of ours, so to speak, there is no reason we should be going up to the hospital. Not even for K. When I asked her that directly, she said "THAT'S NOT WHAT I SAID." and went on some more. So I changed my view point. "Ok mom. I'm not asking you to do RB a favor, its for me. It would make my life much easier if you agreed to watch my kids for an hour." and she again said "NO! I DON"T FEEL LIKE IT" ok, bye mom. WHY would she offer this and then take it back? WTF is wrong w/my mom. I stewed on this a bit longer. Now I no longer wanted her help, but I wanted her to know that it pissed me off, and I thought she was being shitty. I really do know better. You never call Mick back when she's in the midst of a rage. I called. All I was able to get out was "mom, I just want you to know that I'm really upset, and I" and she goes "WHY IN THE HELL ARE YOU PUTTING THIS CRAP ON ME? I DON'T NEED TO FEEL GUILTY. I DO PLENTY. BLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAH and then " PARDON ME, I HAVE TO WORK FOR A LIVING" What in the hell is that? Was she taking a jab at me being a SAHM? That really put me over the edge. But I was never able to say so b/c she didn't take a breath as she moved on to some other nonsense. I didn't even know what she was talking about anymore. Some completely unrelated bullshit. I ended the conversation in tears, and hung up on her. She can be such a bitch sometimes. I was not rude to her, or disrespectful, though I wanted to be. I don't ask her for favors often. Hardly ever. The last time I asked her, was on my anniversary, and she didn't do it. She watches my kids once every 2 weeks for 2 1/2 hrs while we bowl. And not b/c I asked her to, she offered, and she bitches about it every time. I need to find a new bowling sitter, b/c Heaven forbid that I take her graciousness for granted. I will never again ask her for help w/ anything, EVER, even if she was the only other person on the planet. I'm done.

Pretty City

I love this section of downtown. The pictures are kind of crappy. I was driving, and my car windows need to be washed. The building w/ the pillars around it used to be some sort of 5 star fantastic hotel way back in the day. The ceiling in the lobby is awesome. It's covered w/ cherub angels and other pretty things. I've never seen anything like it. Marilyn Monroe stayed there at one time. Now its a low income housing complex. The rooms are so tiny. Cheap living, but full of riff raff. I don't know what the maroon building is, I just thought it was pretty :) The street view one used to be a pedestrian walk only. The made it into a road a few years back. Straight ahead is the vets memorial park, the children's museum, and the city police buildings. On the other end of the street (behind me) is Rosa parks circle. In the summer there are concerts/blues festival thing, and right now, its an ice skating rink. Our little city has grown a ton in the last 5-10 years, and it keeps growing. I love living here. I daydream about moving somewhere warmer, but I couldn't imagine living anywhere else.

Finally.

I'm better :) I finally feel better. I was able to eat some soup last night, and that really helped. I haven't attempted anything yet today, food still doesn't sound good. My doc called in some medicine for me for the strep, and I can already tell that its working. Lets just hope the antibiotic doesn't give me a yeast infection. Gross. Sorry, too much info?? The kids are doing great too! Other than they are fighting w/ each other a lot. All the time home they had this week must be affecting them. Or is effecting? I can never remember which.
I don't have any big plans for the weekend. I'd like some though. I'm not one to be cooped up. I need to be out and about. I know hubs is having his poker game tonight, but I'm so NOT playing. One of my girlfriend invited the kids and I over to play disney scene it. I think I might do that. That might be fun. Saturday, hubs is going to another poker game (grr), so I don't have anything for tomorrow either. It seems like I haven't been out in a while. I need a good-let-loose girls night. Some drinks, and some dancing maybe?? I haven't been out dancing in a few years. All the clubs we have around here are full of just-turned-21 hoodrats. The girls walk around 1/2 naked, and the guys try to creep up on you. Eww. That kind of atmosphere isn't very appealing to someone such as myself, but I really would like to go bust a move w/ some girlfriends. Maybe I should open a new club. You have to be fully dressed, not get tanked, and if you're a boy, you need to dance in your own space :) That sounds like fun. Am I turning into a prude in my old age?? I just might be.
I have nothing interesting to talk about. My lack of getting out has left me no entertaining stories to tell. I should make one up. Or, maybe a past story? I'll save that for this weekend. I'll come up w/ a good one! Have a good weekend all, and stay healthy!

Oh- and go check out Chicken's blog today, her post is fantastic :)

PUKE

I have to make this quick. Jade had a stomach bug on Sunday, she threw up twice before noon, and was back to normal again by dinner time. Last night, hubs started puking. I must say that having a sick husband, is worse than sick kids! He doesn't handle being sick well, so the whole time its 'ugh. moan. i feel so terrible. moan. ugh' I have a hard time being sympathetic, because I can never tell how bad it is, whatever he has is always the worst ever. Then this morning, Max woke up and puked in his bed. Bunk bed. Do you know how fucking hard it is to change bedding on a bunk bed? Terrible. Not to mention wiping the damn thing down w/ bleach water. Shortly after Ave got up its 'mommy, my tummy hurts' Fuck. I suppose she will have it this afternoon. This is the worst part about being a mom. Taking care of puking kids/hubs. Wiping ass', cleaning up puke, meeting demands of all sorts from ' more sprite please' 'please lay w/ me' to 'MOM I just shit my pants' or 'MOOOMM I just puked on the carpet'. And then ofcourse, Hubs too. I'm going to lose my damn mind today! I see my plans for slipping away crashed and burning. I need to make it through today w/o getting sick myself. Can you imagine if I did get sick today? THAT would be awful. Moms can't get sick. Ever. But even if we do, we still manage to hold on and take care of everyone else. I need an attitude adjustment today. I need to be considerate of my family. I'm being kind and patient w/ them, but I'm not feeln' it. At all. I want to piss and moan and run away for the day. GEEZ. When it rains, so they say. Strep throat last week... What's next?? I hope this is the last bout of sickness for us. I HATE this time of year. All sorts of nasty floating around, and for some reason, my kids are getting it all. Sonofabitch. This sucks.

EDIT- it only took Avery a 1/2 hour after I posted this to start puking. Fabulous. Fucking Fabulous.

The strep throat has cleared up, or at least he's feeling better. He was feeling better by Friday afternoon. Our weekend wasn't very exciting. Poker on Friday night. Which was fun, but I think I'm sick of it. I've had enough. We've been having poker games every friday for almost a year now. Hubs works all week long, and when he gets home on Friday, he's busy getting ready for the game, setting up the garage and what not. Hubs is usually up late, playing side games, cleaning up, waiting for everyone to leave. So on Saturday mornings, he sleeps in. Saturday is really the only day of the week where we don't have to do anything. The day where we can spend family time together, or get things done around the house. We have some 1/2 projects they need to be finished, and few more waiting to start. But now his saturdays, are spent sleeping in, and by the time he's up and ready to go, more than 1/2 the day is gone. Its getting to be too much work to have them. Too much for him, and too much for me. I don't have as much to do w/ the game, but thats more time I spend taking care of kids w/o his help. As this last game was the last straw for me. There has been a disturbing trend recently. Play cards all flippn' night. 3 times now, I've gotten up in the morning, and they are still playing in the garage! THEN my hubs has to sleep forever, and the whole day is gone. This weekend, hubs came to bed, and left guys out in the garage. He left our good buddy in charge, so that was alright, but damn. I got up at 8, and there they were. They didn't leave until 930am. I just can't have that. This is my home, not a casino. Yes, they play in the garage, but still. It bothers me, and its been bothering me for awhile, the constant friday night games, and now, i've just kind of had it. We have about 30 people a week that come to play. I don't want them here anymore. I know there is one on this Friday, but I HOPE that's it. And I'm not going to play anymore, at least not at my house. My hubs will never think I'm serious if I keep playing. Other than that.. Not a lot happened. The baby got a stomach bug yesterday, but it didn't last long. She threw up twice before noon, and that was it. She was back to normal, and eating just fine by 5. If we have to get the flu, I prefer it like that! I'm waiting to see who's next in line... And, not that anyone cares, but I had some absolutely FANTASTIC sex this weekend. So there. :) Have a good day!

Here we go again....

Max woke up in the middle of the night burning up! He was so hot. He was complaining of a sore throat. Jade's well baby check was this morning, so I decided to bring him along, just in case. Our ped. is great like that. He'll check out our other kids when it isn't there turn. Sure enough, Max has strep throat. Sonofabitch. I'm glad we caught it early, but shit. It's not going to take long for Ave to get it. Maybe we'll get lucky, and it will pass by w/o anyone else getting it.

Jade's appt went well. She is in the 50% for everything. She weighs 19.12 pds, and is 27 1/4 inches long. Growing girl! She's doing everything that she is suppose to be doing. I love the well baby check ups. Its fun to see how they change every few months :)

My friend that pissed me off called this morning to say sorry. She said that she felt bad, she was only trying to make a joke. I'm glad she called, it made me feel better.

I stopped at the store and stocked up on popsicles and sprite. I'm going to spend the afternoon snuggling w/ my kids, watching movies. I hope Max feels better soon, and that the other 2 don't get it! We're going to lay low for a few days. Have a good day!

Bah

I'm a bit blah tonight. It was just one of those nights that doesn't go so great. Hubs and I had a bit of something tonight. We just were not getting along. Made me feel sad. I called a girlfriend for moral support, as we women tend to do. And she so didn't help. Made me feel worse. I told her that we just didn't get along, but it wasn't an argument, although I did say something kind of bitchy. And she says, in this very sickly-sweet-sarcastic voice "noooot yoouuuuu". What the hell? Was she insinuating that I'm a bitch? That wasn't at all what I needed at the moment. She knew she pissed me off. I told her that it wasn't nice (can you tell I hang out w/ kids all day?). She kind of giggled and said she didn't mean it like that at all. I'm probably overthinking this, and I am hormonal this week. Even still, it bothered me. I'm still bothered about it. It isn't often that I reach out to friends when I'm having a bad day. Most of the time, it seems silly to share them, or that I'm over reacting. So I don't say anything about it, just carry on like I'm fine, or I shrug it off. Like, yeah, its not a great day, but it isn't that bad, could be worse. Then I change subjects. But tonight, I needed some support. A friendly "aww. It will be better soon" or "That happens to me sometimes too." I'm always around for my friends, most certainly this one. Can't I just get a hug, a beer maybe? Makes me sad, and want a pity party. But, you can bet I won't be calling anyone else for a lift this week. Don't want to be burned again. Not to say that my other g.f's would do that, I'm sure they wouldn't, but it makes me want to close off.

My son is having a rough time as well. Last week, I was talking to another mom about night terrors. Max had a few of those when he was 2. They were scary! Max overheard it, and now he's terrified to go to sleep in his bed. I don't know what I can say to make him feel better. I've tried. He's so much like me in that way, w/ his fears. I had many of them when I was little, and I know what it felt like when my parents put me off, or thought that I was just trying to get out of bed. I don't want to do that to him! He starts thinking about it right before he brushes his teeth, and then by the time he gets to his bed, he's a mess of nerves, and shaking. Trying not to cry, but he can't help it. The last few nights, I let him sleep w/ us. Tonight I wanted him to go back to his bed, but he was so scared his knees were shaking. I said all the things moms are suppose to say "there is nothing to be afraid of! monsters are not real, but if they were, I'd chase them away from you. I'll leave the light on. I'm just in the next room, you are safe. I'm telling you the truth, honest to goodness, you have nothing to fear. Daddy is bigger than the boogie man!" I didn't know what else to say. I did my best to reassure him. I left him in his room for 1/2 hour or so. When I peeked in to check on him, he was still shaking, and crying quietly. I've been there! I can remember the fears that I had that were so very real to me. I took him out of bed, and laid down w/ him on the couch w/ the lights on. When my parents would ignore my fears, it made me feel alone, and all the more scared. I can't do that to my son, but I do want this matter to clear up. Suggestions???

The baby started saying "mama" this week! Melts me. I can't believe how big she is getting! Her top 2 teeth finally broke through as well. Her diaper rash has cleared up, and she is once again, sleeping all night. Yeah!

Ave's behavior has been much better too. I've started using some different methods with her, and they are really paying off. The day goes by better now. She still has her occasional tantrums, but even those have gotten better. She no longer slams doors, or screams till my ears bleed :)

I talked to R.A. friend last night, and she isn't coming tomorrow. Her icky hubs sentencing has been moved to Feb, so I will not see her till then. She went to see a lawyer today to find out what the laws are, and what her options would be. She has been leaning towards divorce, but she kept going back and forth. After talking to the lawyer, she made a definite decision to go thru w/ a divorce. I'm relieved! I think it is the best choice for her and her kids!

Tomorrow will be a better day. Tomorrow will be a better day. Tomorrow will be a better day. That's suppose to work, right?

Update on News Story

Here are a few of the emails that I've exchanged w/ the news lady.

> Hello Julie!

Thank you for sending the story. I also did some checking on my own, and I agree, it isn't a good thing. I would be willing to help you out. However,I don't understand why you want to interview me, when you could find just as many willing to interview, closer to you. I would like to know what youwill ask, how long it will take, and when it would happen, and where the interview would be shown. Thanks again. I'm looking foward to hearing back from you.

Misty



From :
Julie McCoy Sent : Tuesday, January 17, 2006 4:21 PM
To : "M blue"
Subject : Re: TV NEWS STORY






Hi Misty,
Thanks for getting back to me so quickly!
You are perfect for our story- that's why I want to interview you! Our
stories air all over the country and that's why we interview people all over
the country. If I interviewed everyone from Miami, it'd be way too boring.
Plus, I've already interviewed all my friends, family and friends of
friends- I'm all out of people! That's why I head online to find people
now.
Our stories run during the local news casts of stations all over the
country- so your 5pm or 6pm news. We will send a camera man to your home to
do the interview and then just to get some extra video of you too. The whole
thing will probably take about an hour. I haven't written the questions yet,
but I will ask you about how you protect your financial information, and
then what you think about banks employing people overseas who have access to
your personal information. I can send you more specific questions once I
actually write them!
Let me know if you're still interested, and we can set up a day and time!
Thanks,
Julie

So there it is. I still don't know what to think about it. We shall see what comes next!

I can spill it!!!

The secret I've been holding on to, is actually Chicken's :)

If you haven't been reading my blog long, Chicken is my best friend, for the last 13 years. A year and 1/2 ago, she started dating my brother. It was kind of odd that they got together, but I was thrilled to see 2 people that I love so dearly, find happiness together.

They just found out that they are expecting a BABY!!!!!!!!!!!! I was so happy when they told me, that I jumped up and down and cried. I am beyond thrilled!!!! A baby?! Not only do I get the honor of being an Aunt a second time, but my very best friend is giving birth to him/her. A part of me, from her. I am so excited. I cannot WAIT to see the beautiful baby that was created in the purest kind of love.

Not only are they bringing a baby into the world, but I think that they are going to get married as well. Holy shit. Who would have thought it? I'm telling you, I never imagined this 13 yrs ago. Chicken always had a crush on my older brother. She drooled over him all the time. We joked about it often. I never in a million years believed that they would get together. And NOW? WOOOOOOHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

She is going to be the mother of my niece/nephew. And my sister, for real. I cannot get over it. Yay! In the last year and a 1/2, I've loved our family get togethers. My partner in crime gets to be there w/ me. Its awesome. You know how family functions can be boring, or just plain suck? Mine so don't anymore.

She's going to be an awesome mama. She lights up when she's around my kids. And my brother is an awesome dad. He has a child already, and has made me proud in the dad department. I just can't wait. September cannot come soon enough!!!

hmmmm

Hi Guys!
I got an interesting email today. Check it out.
Hi,

My name is Julie McCoy, and I am a TV journalist working on a story about banking.

I read your recent post that discussed your paranoid nature- I'm the same way- when it comes too all things, especially banking information.

The story I'm working on is about how banks are sending more of their customers' personal data overseas- to call centers in India. I need to interview someone who is concerned about this practice. I thought maybe you would fit bill.

If you are interested in speaking with me, please give me a call at the number below or email me a number where I can reach you.

Thanks,
Julie McCoyProducer, NewsProNet


I did call her, after checking out NPN on the internet. Seems for real. I asked her to send me some more information, and I'd get back to her. She said that she could do an on camera interview w/ me, and that their news shows are shown on many different stations through out the US. Weird. She didn't seem the least bit concerned that I live in MI, and she in FL. I don't really know what I think of it yet. I'll have to wait for more info. What do you think? Go figure, that me being overly paranoid would get me on TV. I'll update you when I know more.

I have a secret... I'm DYING to tell you. But, I can't. Yet. Hopefully I'll be able to soon!

I'm having all these lovely day dreams about blowing off my responsibilities and sleeping ALL day. Today is the perfect day for staying in bed. Gray, kind of raining. I love sleeping when its raining. I always sleep so much more soundly, and deep. When I was in college, I remember the alarm going off one morning. I reached over to hit it, and I heard the rain. I hadn't even opened my eyes yet, I smiled, and rolled back over. I missed a big test that morning. Oops. Damn rain. Seems like I haven't gotten enough sleep this week, its been busy. I stay up late to clean up the day's damage, or read to unwind. I just read a huge book that took place in Ireland. I want to sleep listening to the rain, and dreaming of Ireland. Dreaming/sleeping was a favorite hobby of mine before the rugrats.
Speaking of rugrats, they have been very good! When I got home last night, all the kids were sleeping. I sat down w/ hubs to hang out, and Avery got up. She came over and crawled up in my lap. All she said was "mama" and quickly fell asleep on my shoulder. Aww. She can be hell on wheels most days, and then sweet angel girl on a rare few. I love those times. Makes being a mama all the more precious.
My run-away-friend is coming for a night next week w/o her kids. I'm looking fwd to seeing her. Its been a few months now. Her hubs is being sentenced then, so she's coming for that. She wants to know how long he's going away for. She keeps going back and fourth w/ divorce. For awhile, she was sure she was going to do that, now she doesn't know if she can/should/whatever. Everyone has an opinion on it, of course, which just confuses her all the more. I haven't given her mine, and I won't. She needs to make it by herself. But, I must say, if she doesn't decide to divorce him, and stay w/ him, I don't think I can stick around. I have very strong feelings about what he did. Being a child molester victim myself, I just can't get around that. I have little girls! I would never ever be able to welcome him into my home, EVER. It seems like a simple thing to me. But it's not my family, my husband, or situation. But if it was, I would get a divorce. Like right now. I don't think I'd need to think about it at all. Ok, so there wasn't any penetration, but he fondled an 11 yr old girl. SICK. Bastard. I don't want to ditch my friend, but man, I can't deal w/ that shit. I hope she makes a good decision.

Mark of the Beast?

I've discussed my paranoid nature on here before, so this post shouldn't really surprise you. I was listening to talk radio this morning, as I usually do. Its a local news radio station, where local stuff is discussed. I know they have it on the internet as well, so if you're ever interested in taking a listen, its woodradio.com. I'm not sure of the exact web address, but I think its that. Anyway, recently in Kent county, people have been having microchips in their dogs, incase their dogs are ever lost or whatever. Today, they were discussing microchips for people. The microchip is about the size of a grain of rice, and can be inserted into your hand. All of your personal information would be on this chip. Medical information, bank information, passwords, insurance, ssn, credit card info, criminal records.... You could also have it programmed to unlock your house, your car, and whatever else. Interesting. What do you guys think of this idea? All the local folks that called in today, at least the majority, said no way! They don't want the government tracking them. Or what if criminals were able to get some sort of receiver, so they could just walk next to you and get all your information. I think it would have many benefits, I'm not concerned about the government tracking me. They can already find out anything they want to about you. You can be found by your credit card transactions. Ofcourse, they don't have a gps system for us yet, so there is that. But whatever, I'm not concerned w/ that. Its a comforting thought to think that if your children were ever lost, hurt or kidnapped, it would be easy to find them w/ this chip. What I found creepy about this whole thing, is being marked. I imagine most people, religious or not, have heard about the mark of the beast. And how in the end times, if you do not have the mark, you will not be able to get food, water, or any other necessity to live. You will be an outlaw, or something similar. I don't have a lot of biblical knowledge on this subject, so pardon me if I'm screwing it up. Yikes! I know that it says that the mark will be 666. What on earth does that mean? Do you suppose that is literal, or a parable? I can't say. There are many parts of the bible that I don't grasp. I get lost easily. Even so, I believe that the bible is truth. No one brought up the mark of the beast on the radio. Just me, given my paranoid nature. One more thing for me to have nightmares about. No, I don't think that this microchip IS the mark, but I can see how it would be easy to make it that way. I can't imagine anyone in our society putting 666 on something and expecting it to fly. But the bible says it will happen, therefore, it must be. If not in a literal sense, then something else. What do you think? Y'all think I'm crazy now, huh? :) Have a great day, and beware of microchips! LOL.

A New Record

We finally saw the sun yesterday! We broke the record here in West Michigan for the most consecutive days in a row w/o any recorded sunshine. Not even a sliver. I think it was something like 17 days, but even before that, if we had any, it was only a slice for a few minutes. I was starting to worry that it would NEVER come back, and then all of these awful things would start to happen.... In 5th grade, we watched some video about how the sun was a star, and how eventually, all stars die. Then it went in to what would happen if we were left w/o sunlight. I had nightmares for months about the sun exploding, and then living in the dark. It was terrible! I was VERY happy to see the sun yesterday. I handled the gloom much better than I thought I would. Winter in W. Michigan is gross. Its pretty for the first little while, but then everything gets slushy, and gray. Kids are cooped up inside, and I get a bit depressed. But these last couple weeks, I did ok. I was starting to get bummed, but then it came back, in the nick of time. I need sunshine! Of course today, back to gray... I think I might need to go tanning. I imagine that would help.
I don't have anything else to gab about... Weekend was not very interesting. Hubs and I did go out to dinner w/o any kids, that was nice. We met another couple for dinner, and had a good time. I was hoping to be alone w/ my hubs, but it was ok anyhow. This week isn't looking bad, should not be too busy. Oh, and we caved. Back to cable we go. Its only been a few months, and we miss it. Rotten TV anyway! Enjoy your day!

Interesting...

I went out w/ my parents last night. I don't think I've talked much about them here. I'm very close to my mom, and my step-dad's cool too, but they live in a much different world than I do. Always makes for an interesting evening. We went to a polish hall last night. If you don't know what that is, its kind of like an American Legion, but instead of vets, its filled w/ polish people. Cheap beer, and good food. We are polish, but not that much, so I don't know how my parents got a membership or whatever you call it there. My parents both ride Harley's. They are not typical when it comes to parents, to say the least. lol. We met up w/ some of their biker gang friends. I sat next to a shady character by the name of 'gangster'. They are all nice people, but definitely your typical bikers when you think of stereotypes. Tattoos, leather and beer. Maybe a few other substances. My parents dog is named Cannabis. Weird. LOL. Anyway, it was fun. I would have liked to stay longer, but all the talk of chrome, and wheel size and light dropping was getting a bit blah for me. Oh, and my mom proudly displayed her nearly-front-row-seats for a kid rock show coming up. Yep, not typical grandma.
My hubs and I went out w/ them a while back to a very popular biker bar. When we first got there, it wasn't very full at all, so we were having a great time. Then the door opened, and 30-ish outlaws came in. Ever hear of the Outlaws? Yeah, they can be scary. My parents got all weird when they showed up, and made it known to us that we needed to be extra careful. Don't take pictures, stay out of their way, and everything should be fine. My step dad was going on about how he won't sit w/ his back towards an outlaw blah blah blah. Sounds silly, but it was enough to make us nervous. The men had on long sleeved tee-shirts w/ outlaw written on the the sleeves, and leather vests w/their nicknames on it. The women also had leather vests on, and instead of their name, it said "so and so's Bitch". Nice. Some of the younger guys had something along the lines of trainee on it, and when I asked about it, being the friendly girl I am, he just stared at me. YIKES. Ok, I guess they don't socialize. The bar was small, and narrow. To get to the bathroom, you had to squeeze next to the pool table, which was, covered w/ outlaws. I couldn't wait anymore to pee, so I very carefully made my way back. I'm trying to avoid eye contact, stepping lightly, w/ the polite excuse me's required. I start passing the HUGE MEAN looking guy, and when I get even w/ him, he stomped his food so hard on the floor, I nearly shit my pants! Scared the hell out of me. When I looked up at him w/ the fear clearly on my face, he started laughing, cracking up. Asshole. lol. He was nice, not a jack ass at all. He knew I was nervous and thought he'd shake things up a bit. So then we had a friend, kind of. The others were more apt to talk to us then. Later in the night, I went up to the bar to get a drink. Took forever. This really old outlaw was talking to me, keeping me company while I waited. He asked if I rode. "Do I look like a biker, in my conservative get up?" He laughed, said " I didn't think so." We went on talking about bikes and what not and introduced me to a younger outlaw. He was cute, for a scary biker. The old guy was going on about how "a cutie like yourself should be w/ a biker. They take care of you. This guy(talking about the young one) he's your age, single, you should go out w/ him." That made me giggle. The younger one said "yeah, how about it? Wanna get on my bike, go for ride, get out of here?" I said "Oh no, thank you, but I couldn't. I'm happily married. My husband is over there (I pointed to hubs)" Older and younger guy look over at Hubs, Hubs smiles wondering what in the hell I'm up to. Younger guy says "I don't give a shit about your HUSBAND. Wanna ride or what?" That freaked me out. lol. I repeated my earlier stance of "no, but thanks anyway" and hussled off to my hubs. I told him it was time for us to get going. I told him about the biker guys, and he was like "yeah, lets go" We said our goodbyes to my parents, and made our way to the door. The younger guy says "See you later blue" in a intimate sort of way- purposely done to try and irritate my hubs. We waved and got out to the car. We were laughing about it in the car, and hubs is like "I could take him." LOL. We both new that was bullshit. lol. It was funny. Then Hubs says "If he really wanted to fight w/ me, I'd have to let him take you." Nice :) It was a funny night, and I'm glad we made it out of there w/o any issues. We haven't been back since. I'm not sure that we will. But, oh, the fun we have w/ my parents.

HNT! My Sexy Hubs!

My sexy sexy hubs :) And beautiful baby, of course. Jade was having a rough night last night. Her top front teeth are coming in, and she has a raging, terrible diaper rash. She woke up crying, and wanted NOTHING to do w/ me. Only daddy could make her feel better. They fell asleep together in the chair. I fall in love all over again w/ my hubs when I see him like this. He's a great dad. Seeing my man be a wonderful daddy to our children, melts me and gives me butterflies. Still, after all of these years, and 3 kids. HHNT!

My year in review

Happy New Year! We had a great New Year. We rang it in w/ champange and all some of our greatest friends. We had a wonderful time. What a year its been! It's been good/awesome overall. Here are some of my highlights:

My mother in law beat breast cancer this year! We found out in 04', and the cancer was already a stage 3. It was scary! I kept thinking what if she doesn't make it? What if this baby I'm carrying never gets to know her, or love her like I do? I also thought a lot about the why's. Why her? She's a faithful believer, healthy in all other aspects, never has told a lie, never smoked a smoke, drank a beer, lived the cleanest/healthiest life style- why isn't it me? It was rough for me, and where I stood in my faith. She started chemo right away, and then on Apr. 1, 2005, she had a double masectomy. When the results came back, after surgery, she was C L E A R! I cried for days. I couldn't believe it. We were so thankful. 6 wks after her surgery, she did radiation, 5 days a week, for 15 minutes a day, for a total of 8 weeks. She's doing great still!

I had my 3rd child on April 14. We were thrilled! We had tried to conceive for 2 yrs, and then finally, gave up. We just didn't think it was meant to be. Hubs just had to wink at me to get preggos for the other 2. It was a very sad time for us, and just when I really forgot about it, TA DA!! I was pregnant. Jade was born via C-section on Apr. 14. She was a little peanut! 7 pds 91/2 oz, and 20 1/2 inches long. She was and is beautiful.













My son started kindergarten this year! That was a big deal for us as well. He loves it, and is doing very well. Its hard to watch your kids march off to school.

Avery started preschool and dance this year. I wasn't sure about sending her to preschool (she was only 3), but I thought that it would be good for her. She had a hard time when Jade was born. I wanted her to know, and to feel that there were things special about her, that only she could do. I thought school and dance would be helpful w/ that. School is going great, and dance is too, when she feels like it. She changes her mind from week to week on weather or not she likes it.

We didn't take any huge trips this past year, but we did go camping a lot, and short weekend trip. I think we went camping 6 times, Toledo once, and we spent 3 days at The Great Wolf Lodge, which our kids thought was the coolest ever. If you've never been, and you have small kids, look it up and see if one is near you. Its awesome!

Hubs and I started having regular poker games here at home after the kids go to bed. We play in the garage, and its been fun. We get a chance to be social w/ others, do something fun together, and we never have to pay a sitter. We joined a bowling league too!

I can't think of anything else. I hope I didn't forget anything. This year I want to try to be a better mom. I need to work on being patient.. I'm NOT so great at that. I'm a work in progress. I want to be more organized as well. Not good at that either. I have a feeling that 2006, is going to be a great year!